Black_Wolf
Sharpshooter
I would guess, Cobber, as I did see him a couple times afterward.
Unknown if he was canned after that?
That has been around 1993 or so.
What happened is anyone's guess?
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My neighbor is abusing his wife
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I would guess, Cobber, as I did see him a couple times afterward.
Unknown if he was canned after that?
That has been around 1993 or so.
What happened is anyone's guess?
Ok guys, first, you're going to get the poor woman killed! I know this for a fact, because I LIVED in her shoes for 12 miserable years while married to my ex-husband, and I'm now disabled because of the damage he caused.
IF you call the cops, all you're going to do it **** him off! At which point, after the cops leave, because she WON'T press charges or even admit to being abused out of fear of retaliation, he's going to beat the living crap outta her! Especially because she had the nerve to actually speak to someone about it.
He's a bully, plain and simple, and NO ONE is going to scare him bad enough to stop him from beating his wife, short of shoving a gun in his face and telling him that if he does it again, you'll have no problem killing HIM. At which point, HE is going to call the cops, and YOU'RE going to be arrested, if not for assault, then for attempted murder!
I know this because it's happened to me! I ended up in the hospital on various occasions, with a broken jaw,chipped teeth, bruises and abrasions, etc., and the Dr.s called the cops in. Altho they tried to get me to press charges, I refused, knowing that once he got out of jail, I was a dead woman.
Back in those days (we're talking 1980 to 1992) a woman was her husbands property, and altho that has changed, at least legally, the mentality of a man who abuses his wife, children, dog, or whatever doesn't care what the law says. It's HIS property, and he feels justified to do as he damn well pleases, BECAUSE it's his property and NO ONE is going to tell him what to do ON HIS OWN property, TO his own property.
I once got badly beaten because we were at our soon to be daughter-in-laws parents house for Thanksgiving, and I had the gall to have a 2nd helping of mashed potatoes. He was positive that it caused me to gain 5 lbs, and when we got home, even tho I tried to prove to him that all my clothes still fit, by trying them all on, he was still positive that he could see the extra added weight, and beat the hell out of me because of it.
He doesn't need a reason to beat his wife, if he so much as thinks she's done something wrong, gone against his wishes, conspired with a neighbor to get him arrested, or even just breathed funny (and that's NOT an exaggeration), he'll beat her and throw her around, because "she deserves it!", at least to his warped little pea brained way of thinking. And he more than likely has her believing that she some how deserves it. If only.....she were a better wife, kept the house cleaner, cooked better, was thinner, or even had sex more often, (the excuses are endless and unfounded) THEN and only then could she ever measure up and be the perfect wife that he has her believing that he deserves.
To his way of thinking, SHE needs to be TAUGHT a lesson on how to act, what to think, what to say, believe, have feelings about, and the list goes on. She's been brainwashed into thinking she's inferior and he's the best she'll ever get, because she doesn't deserve anyone's attention, she's so plane, or ugly, or slovenly, fat, or whatever, and she's SO lucky that she has him.
She thinks he loves her, and is only correcting her for her own good, to make her a better person. Honest, she really believes this, and has no doubt that she deserves everything she gets, beatings and all.
My ex even tried to kill me (intentionally) on several occasions, and if it weren't for my Guardian Angels (and yes, I firmly believe that there are!) I wouldn't be typing an answer to this post, I'd be worm food, or by now, just old bones, buried somewhere that one would ever find me, because "I was worthless and ran away from him, leaving him with all the responsibilities". I'd be a "missing person" that everyone by now would have stopped looking for.
He even tried to electrocute me when I was pregnant with our daughter. She had a kidney defect, which embarrassed him, and the fact that she was that way, was because my DNA was defective and couldn't even make a baby right". So he had me hold a flat head screwdriver up to the ground wire of the entire house, while he threw the power switch on, to see if all the lights were still working.
Or at least that's what he told me. I didn't know any better, so there I stood, with a metal screwdriver held against a wire than massive currents of electricity would be passing through, and killing me in the process. Just before he threw the switch (or just as he did, I couldn't see him, he was in the garage) I felt a hand on the inside of my shoulder, where my collarbone is, pushing me backwards, away from the wire. I stumbled back, let go of the driver, and when he came to check on me, the look of shock on his face was a total giveaway that he expected me to be dead. The driver had a 3/4 inch deep V cut into it, where it has still been touching the wire.
And he griped at me because "I couldn't even hold the damned driver right". He didn't dare touch me while I was pregnant, to many people were involved because I was a high risk pregnancy, and any marks would have stuck out like a sore thumb, and he'd be found out.
The story goes on, but it's way to long to post on here. The end is that I took our then 3 year old daughter and moved here, and divorced him once we were considered "residences", and never saw him again. He died shortly after Bill and I were married, and that ended any problems I might have expected, of him showing up here to try and finish the job, taking Bill out, as well as our daughter, all at the same time.
Bill knows the entire story, and loves me all the more because of it. He makes SURE I know how much he loves me, that I deserve the best of the best (I already have it, I have him!), and that I can rely on him, always, to keep me safe, protected, loved beyond my wildest dreams, and is the best Daddy our daughter (he adopted her after my ex died) could have ever imagined.
So if you want to do the poor woman a favor, get her into some sort of counseling, get her to leave him and stay for whatever period of time she can at a shelter, or better yet, talk her into going to live with any relatives she has, that will keep him away from her and keep her safe. Otherwise, one day, he WILL beat her to death, or into a coma that she'll never awaken from, and not feel a bit of guilt about it.
BUT FIRST she needs to know that SHE'S DONE NOTHING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT, a fact that it'll take her a long time to believe. In the meantime, be as good a friend to her as you possibly can, especially your wife, but ONLY when he's not home, try to convince her that she's being abused and doesn't deserve it, and just "be there for her", for when the light bulb finally kicks on, and she decides to get away from him, however, and how far, she can.
If she's lucky, he won't hunt her down, if not, he will, and kill her because she had the nerve to leave him stranded, which he didn't deserve.
I strongly advise you that when you're outside, or your wife and kids are outside, that you be carrying at all times. He's a bully, and believes that he can force anyone into being afraid of him, and very well MAY attack you or your family. Be ready, be very ready, to defend them in any manner you can or have to, even if it means using "deadly force". This type of person thinks they're above the law, and that they'll never get caught, and gives new meaning to the phrase "a snake in the grass". He may try to do property damage, poison your dog (if you have one) tamper with your or your wife's car, or various other methods to "get even" with you, for meddling in HIS affairs, where he feels you have no business doing.
Good luck, you, your family, and his wife, will be in our prayers. Please keep us posted, and be ready for him to declare war on you. It can and often does happen. Take it from someone who's been there done that, and lived to tell about it.
Regards,
7th Stepper
IF you call the cops, all you're going to do it **** him off! At which point, after the cops leave, because she WON'T press charges or even admit to being abused out of fear of retaliation, he's going to beat the living crap outta her! Especially because she had the nerve to actually speak to someone about it.
He's a bully, plain and simple, and NO ONE is going to scare him bad enough to stop him from beating his wife, short of shoving a gun in his face and telling him that if he does it again, you'll have no problem killing HIM. At which point, HE is going to call the cops, and YOU'RE going to be arrested, if not for assault, then for attempted murder!
I know this because it's happened to me! I ended up in the hospital on various occasions, with a broken jaw,chipped teeth, bruises and abrasions, etc., and the Dr.s called the cops in. Altho they tried to get me to press charges, I refused, knowing that once he got out of jail, I was a dead woman.
Back in those days (we're talking 1980 to 1992) a woman was her husbands property, and altho that has changed, at least legally, the mentality of a man who abuses his wife, children, dog, or whatever doesn't care what the law says. It's HIS property, and he feels justified to do as he damn well pleases, BECAUSE it's his property and NO ONE is going to tell him what to do ON HIS OWN property, TO his own property.
I once got badly beaten because we were at our soon to be daughter-in-laws parents house for Thanksgiving, and I had the gall to have a 2nd helping of mashed potatoes. He was positive that it caused me to gain 5 lbs, and when we got home, even tho I tried to prove to him that all my clothes still fit, by trying them all on, he was still positive that he could see the extra added weight, and beat the hell out of me because of it.
He doesn't need a reason to beat his wife, if he so much as thinks she's done something wrong, gone against his wishes, conspired with a neighbor to get him arrested, or even just breathed funny (and that's NOT an exaggeration), he'll beat her and throw her around, because "she deserves it!", at least to his warped little pea brained way of thinking. And he more than likely has her believing that she some how deserves it. If only.....she were a better wife, kept the house cleaner, cooked better, was thinner, or even had sex more often, (the excuses are endless and unfounded) THEN and only then could she ever measure up and be the perfect wife that he has her believing that he deserves.
To his way of thinking, SHE needs to be TAUGHT a lesson on how to act, what to think, what to say, believe, have feelings about, and the list goes on. She's been brainwashed into thinking she's inferior and he's the best she'll ever get, because she doesn't deserve anyone's attention, she's so plane, or ugly, or slovenly, fat, or whatever, and she's SO lucky that she has him.
She thinks he loves her, and is only correcting her for her own good, to make her a better person. Honest, she really believes this, and has no doubt that she deserves everything she gets, beatings and all.
My ex even tried to kill me (intentionally) on several occasions, and if it weren't for my Guardian Angels (and yes, I firmly believe that there are!) I wouldn't be typing an answer to this post, I'd be worm food, or by now, just old bones, buried somewhere that one would ever find me, because "I was worthless and ran away from him, leaving him with all the responsibilities". I'd be a "missing person" that everyone by now would have stopped looking for.
He even tried to electrocute me when I was pregnant with our daughter. She had a kidney defect, which embarrassed him, and the fact that she was that way, was because my DNA was defective and couldn't even make a baby right". So he had me hold a flat head screwdriver up to the ground wire of the entire house, while he threw the power switch on, to see if all the lights were still working.
Or at least that's what he told me. I didn't know any better, so there I stood, with a metal screwdriver held against a wire than massive currents of electricity would be passing through, and killing me in the process. Just before he threw the switch (or just as he did, I couldn't see him, he was in the garage) I felt a hand on the inside of my shoulder, where my collarbone is, pushing me backwards, away from the wire. I stumbled back, let go of the driver, and when he came to check on me, the look of shock on his face was a total giveaway that he expected me to be dead. The driver had a 3/4 inch deep V cut into it, where it has still been touching the wire.
And he griped at me because "I couldn't even hold the damned driver right". He didn't dare touch me while I was pregnant, to many people were involved because I was a high risk pregnancy, and any marks would have stuck out like a sore thumb, and he'd be found out.
The story goes on, but it's way to long to post on here. The end is that I took our then 3 year old daughter and moved here, and divorced him once we were considered "residences", and never saw him again. He died shortly after Bill and I were married, and that ended any problems I might have expected, of him showing up here to try and finish the job, taking Bill out, as well as our daughter, all at the same time.
Bill knows the entire story, and loves me all the more because of it. He makes SURE I know how much he loves me, that I deserve the best of the best (I already have it, I have him!), and that I can rely on him, always, to keep me safe, protected, loved beyond my wildest dreams, and is the best Daddy our daughter (he adopted her after my ex died) could have ever imagined.
So if you want to do the poor woman a favor, get her into some sort of counseling, get her to leave him and stay for whatever period of time she can at a shelter, or better yet, talk her into going to live with any relatives she has, that will keep him away from her and keep her safe. Otherwise, one day, he WILL beat her to death, or into a coma that she'll never awaken from, and not feel a bit of guilt about it.
BUT FIRST she needs to know that SHE'S DONE NOTHING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT, a fact that it'll take her a long time to believe. In the meantime, be as good a friend to her as you possibly can, especially your wife, but ONLY when he's not home, try to convince her that she's being abused and doesn't deserve it, and just "be there for her", for when the light bulb finally kicks on, and she decides to get away from him, however, and how far, she can.
If she's lucky, he won't hunt her down, if not, he will, and kill her because she had the nerve to leave him stranded, which he didn't deserve.
I strongly advise you that when you're outside, or your wife and kids are outside, that you be carrying at all times. He's a bully, and believes that he can force anyone into being afraid of him, and very well MAY attack you or your family. Be ready, be very ready, to defend them in any manner you can or have to, even if it means using "deadly force". This type of person thinks they're above the law, and that they'll never get caught, and gives new meaning to the phrase "a snake in the grass". He may try to do property damage, poison your dog (if you have one) tamper with your or your wife's car, or various other methods to "get even" with you, for meddling in HIS affairs, where he feels you have no business doing.
Good luck, you, your family, and his wife, will be in our prayers. Please keep us posted, and be ready for him to declare war on you. It can and often does happen. Take it from someone who's been there done that, and lived to tell about it.
Regards,
7th Stepper
Black_Wolf
Sharpshooter
That's horrifying to read and very sorry you had to endure that.
People like that need put in the ground.
Bothers me that in this day and age that something cannot be done about this age old problem.
Sickening, to say the least..........
People like that need put in the ground.
Bothers me that in this day and age that something cannot be done about this age old problem.
Sickening, to say the least..........
It's always hard to know what to do when something like that happen.
As a man you want to step in and make him stop but at the same time you know that if you do it she will get hurt even more.
And if you dont do anything you feel like you are a coward just like the "man" who's hurting her.
I guess there is no easy answer.
As a man you want to step in and make him stop but at the same time you know that if you do it she will get hurt even more.
And if you dont do anything you feel like you are a coward just like the "man" who's hurting her.
I guess there is no easy answer.
Black_Wolf
Sharpshooter
+1
Thats why I said call the police.
Maybe then the scum will know his secret is out and hes under scrutiny and the crap will stop?
If you can't get the neighbors wife to call and lodge a complaint then its a lost cause and you will only cause her and possibly some of your family physical pain.
Yes everyone wants to step in and help out, but if the victim is unwilling to do it for them self all its going to do is cost you misery, property damage, and possibly personal injury and make it worse on the victim.
As someone else has posted that personally went through it as a victim and as I am posting it as someone that intervened once, you probably will cause more harm.
Yes everyone wants to step in and help out, but if the victim is unwilling to do it for them self all its going to do is cost you misery, property damage, and possibly personal injury and make it worse on the victim.
As someone else has posted that personally went through it as a victim and as I am posting it as someone that intervened once, you probably will cause more harm.
hoosierdoc
Freed prisoner
In the ER we don't call police because they can't "protect her" and it often only makes things worse. It's up to the individual as long as the current situation is over. Totally sucks though. Life throws us into crappy situations at times, but I'm glad you were so well prepared and level headed with the jerk.
You might want to send them both a copy of this story.
Jury accepts battered-wife defense, acquits N.Y. woman of murder - latimes.com
You might want to send them both a copy of this story.
Jury accepts battered-wife defense, acquits N.Y. woman of murder - latimes.com
I always hate situations like this. To me, nothing proves how much a man is a p***y than to hit a woman. I still remember an incident that happened to my coworker one time a couple years ago.
She was going through a breakup with her ex-fiance and at first it was a mutual thing, neither one was making threats, then he started making verbal threats toward her. One day he made the mistake of threatening to kill her right in front of me, that royally set me off, I've always told my coworkers that even if I can't stand them I would never let harm come there way since I was raised to respect woman, even when they drive you crazy.
So since there was me and her and a third worker there and I heard the threat, I stormed in the back room getting ready to clock out, I told the third worker to get on the register because I was getting ready to clock out and loose my job. Then I stopped myself and figured that me beating the crap outta this guy wouldn't solve anything, it would give me a sense of satisfaction but not solve a thing. So I did the right move, we booted him outta the store and I started typing an incident report detailing what I saw so my coworker could take it to court.
In the end, she won a restraining order and has had no problems since. So to the OP, the best thing you could do is, like one other suggested, start a paper trail. A piece of paper does carry a good deal of weight in court.
Also to 7th Stepper, I read your post and I'm so sorry that you endured all that at the hands of your ex. I'm happy that you are married to someone that gives you the respect you deserve.
She was going through a breakup with her ex-fiance and at first it was a mutual thing, neither one was making threats, then he started making verbal threats toward her. One day he made the mistake of threatening to kill her right in front of me, that royally set me off, I've always told my coworkers that even if I can't stand them I would never let harm come there way since I was raised to respect woman, even when they drive you crazy.
So since there was me and her and a third worker there and I heard the threat, I stormed in the back room getting ready to clock out, I told the third worker to get on the register because I was getting ready to clock out and loose my job. Then I stopped myself and figured that me beating the crap outta this guy wouldn't solve anything, it would give me a sense of satisfaction but not solve a thing. So I did the right move, we booted him outta the store and I started typing an incident report detailing what I saw so my coworker could take it to court.
In the end, she won a restraining order and has had no problems since. So to the OP, the best thing you could do is, like one other suggested, start a paper trail. A piece of paper does carry a good deal of weight in court.
Also to 7th Stepper, I read your post and I'm so sorry that you endured all that at the hands of your ex. I'm happy that you are married to someone that gives you the respect you deserve.
That's not as easy.Like other said, if she doesn't press charges then the police wont be able to do anything.
If she has bruises she will just say she felt in the stairs.
The police will know it's not true, but they wont be able to do anything.
Then she will get hurt even more because he will think she called the cops on him.
He's an OTR trucker? He's gone for days on end? If she has somewhere to go, that works out perfectly. He can come home to an empty house with two things sitting on the table when he gets there: One, a note reading "Good bye [rectal orifice]" and the other a notice of divorce proceedings. The key is twofold: Take the time to talk with her while he's gone. Maybe your wife would be better at this; sometimes women tend to trust other women more than men who may be like their abusers. Much more importantly, she MUST have a place to go... think of it as a permanent bug-out-location. If she has nowhere to go, getting back on her feet, on her own, while worrying about a divorce will be a deal-killer.
If in talking to her, your wife draws out that your neighbor is interested, take her out and teach her to shoot. Maybe get her in touch with some good attorneys, if you know any who handle divorce work. She needs to know that for her own safety, though, he cannot know you're talking.
Getting involved at all is highly commendable. I'll echo what Scutter said, though: Call the cops and be a good witness. Anything else has major bad juju associated with it, and as 7th Stepper said, also has even worse possibilities for his victim.
Good luck and God bless,
Bill
If in talking to her, your wife draws out that your neighbor is interested, take her out and teach her to shoot. Maybe get her in touch with some good attorneys, if you know any who handle divorce work. She needs to know that for her own safety, though, he cannot know you're talking.
Getting involved at all is highly commendable. I'll echo what Scutter said, though: Call the cops and be a good witness. Anything else has major bad juju associated with it, and as 7th Stepper said, also has even worse possibilities for his victim.
Good luck and God bless,
Bill
7th, my story isn't as bad as yours, but I know where you're coming from. I just didn't have the stuff to spell it out like you did. Brings tears to my eyes even now, and it ended in 1999. And I'm a guy. Stay strong. Hugs.
Bunnykid68
Grandmaster
It wouldn't be anonymous, the guy would assume it was the person talking to his wife about it whether it was him or not
gunman41mag
Shooter
cop name wasn't Drew Peterson
That's a really horrible experience you had! So sorry to hear about it.
I understand OP's neighbor might go off the deep end. But if people don't get involved, then what happens? No one speaks up for the neighbor's wife, and she really is on her own at that point.
I don't know what I would do in this situation, but if the sheep/wolves/sheepdog analogy has any meaning at all, shouldn't we get involved? It's not always a simple matter like a stick-up at an ATM, one on one. Sometimes the wolves do things we can't simply resolve with a double tap. Do we have a wider duty of protection of the weak?
I wouldn't fault anyone one way or the other on this. Tough situation...
She has to be the one to act. She has to come to the realization she'll be better off away from him. She has to leave him. She probably won't. They usually don't. I was getting close, but it became not an issue before I found out if I had the stones to do it. I'm not absolutely sure I would have.
Bunnykid68
Grandmaster
Yep, just shoot him then and call it a boating accident.Yes that's the problem.
He doesn't call the police, she gets hurt more.
He calls the police, she gets hurt more.
AFAIK the law recognizes the Battered Women Syndrome. That is, a woman is abused for a long period of time and finally snaps and kills her batterer. Not necessarily while he's in the act of battering her.
It would be awful to come to that, however, but maybe that's the only way he stops.
It would be awful to come to that, however, but maybe that's the only way he stops.
Black_Wolf
Sharpshooter
cop name wasn't Drew Peterson
It's been so long I honestly don't remember, Gman41.
Being this is an Ind based forum you might even know about this incident personally yourself.
Heck, that LEO I spoke of may even be registered here?
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