To all of you who've offered their condolences, thank you, the funny thing is, that it actually did make me a stronger person, eventually. I had the help of several friends by the time I decided to leave, one of which practically lived at our house, because she knew what he was doing, and that he wouldn't do it in front of someone, because he was a coward. She'd show up at our house at around 6am, and sit on the lawn until I got up around 7. My ex got up, got breakfast, and left, all the while knowing she was sitting on the front lawn, keeping an eye on him. And with her being the foreman at the ranch I worked at, she wasn't exactly a small person, and could have, and wouldn't have hesitated to beat the living crap out of HIM if she'd needed to.
She was there when I finally made my decision to leave, and was there when I had my last surgery, (hysterectomy) Altho he made sure she wasn't there when he abused me in a very unpleasant manner 3 days later. I had 1 of 2 choices, participate and pretend to enjoy myself, while praying that any damage would be minimal, or 2, try and fight, and end up hemorrhaging to death in the middle of the living room, leaving our daughter motherless. Deb was there to take me to the Dr the next morning when she arrived, and SHE told the doctor what had happened, so that he'd understand that I wasn't a complete fool, and didn't actually agreed to such an act.
She took him aside after he got home that night, and to this day I don't know what she said to him, but I do know that he greatly feared her after that, enough to not touch me again, especially if it was a way that would leave a mark. She was also the one who organized my escape, and brought in several people to help pack us up, then load what we could into suitcases, brought other stuff to another friends house (my computer being one of the things I managed to keep), took my car up to the mechanic at the Ranch, who sold cars as a sideline, and he ended up buying it after my ex showed up there one day and mouthed off about me. My ex had no clue how many people were in on our escape, and never figured it out. She finally ended up moving back home to Iowa, and we still talk and are friends to this very day, some 20 years later.
Some of the people who helped me were off duty LEOs, who came over to help move the big stuff, that I had receipts that I'd paid for, then came with us to the airport to see us off. They also had copies of the note I'd left, saying we'd gone on vacation and I'd be in contact when we got settled after we arrived at our destination. The guys were great, and when he turned in an "involuntary missing person" report a few months later, they assured him that everything would be done to locate me. Since they already knew where I was, nothing more ever came from it. They protected my whereabouts as well. They knew where I was, I knew where we were, so in essence, I wasn't missing!
Mr. EvilWrench, I do understand what you went thru, there was an article in our paper several years ago now, that I wrote as a "letter to the editor", which ended up being a full page spread on "Domestic Violence and it's Consequences", complete with a picture our our daughter and I. I was counseling a friend of ours, who's ex-wife was pure psycho, and even tho she did everything in her power to destroy him, with our help she didn't succeed. I stated in the article that I understood what a travesty it was that altho there were umteen places for women to go, there wasn't a single place a man could go, where he could feel safe. And if he said anything about his being abused, especially by his wife, it became a laughing stock among everyone he knew.
After all, what REAL man lets his wife beat on him, he must be a real wimp to stand for such a thing. WRONG!! Men can and are just as likely to be abused as women are, it's just that society doesn't accept such things as legit! They refuse to see that men won't defend themselves against an attacking woman, for fear of being seen as the abuser, not the abusee! A man can easily fight off a woman, right? WRONG! Men can and have been raped as well, BY A WOMAN! And people will take the woman's word as gospel every time. So you see, you're not alone, and not wrong for getting yourself out of that situation, as fast as you possibly could.
Both genders also usually have to start over, from scratch, when they leave their spouse behind. At least if they want to do it and live thru the experience. We had to completely start over once we got to Indiana, all we arrived with were several suitcases full of clothes, our meds, and not what you'd exactly call "winter clothes", being as we came here from CA, and the winters in the Bay Area are FAR different than the ones here. Snow? You had to drive about 5 hours to get to some of that, and a "warm heavy coat", there, was a Spring or Fall Jacket here. Plus I wasn't allowed to wear nightgowns, or clothes of any sort when I went to bed, and IN has this weird thing of putting out Spring clothes while there's still snow on the ground outside. Plus I wasn't allowed to wear any type of sweats, so I was severely under-dressed, as was our daughter. And I didn't exactly have the extra money to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.
You never realize what you have, until you no longer have it. And I'm just talking the simple every day things, like salt and pepper shakers, silverware, pots and pans......then move on to furniture, TV's, a phone, a CAR (that's a big one) and food, not to mention plates etc., to eat it on. So I do understand that men have it as bad, if not socially worse, than women do. Because it's not accepted as a "normal" thing to see. And no one wants to step in and help them, most of the time they're to busy laughing at what the guy is saying is happening to him.
I"M NOT accusing anyone on INGO of having such a reaction, at least the people on here know what it's like to be discriminated against, being as how hard we've had to fight to have our 2nd Amendment Rights not "infringed upon".
If you see what's happening, and it's out in public, with witnesses, by all means, for that moment, step in and do what you can. If you don't have any witnesses, have a pocket tape recorder, recording every word that is said, to use later on in your defense. Unfortunately, even tho the wife is being abused herself, she will turn and side with her abuser if she feels he's being attacked, even in her defense. And things can and do turn ugly and violent, very quickly in situations like that. That's one of the reasons that LEO's hate calls like that.
Step in if you can, but have a lawyer on retention (I'm not kidding on that one) to protect your well intended rights, and be aware that the person you're fighting for, may well turn against you without a moments hesitation. Domestic Violence is UGLY, and a blight on our society, but it's a fact that it happens, to both genders, and the consequences can be equally as UGLY, whether you're right or wrong.
Oh, and btw, I was offered the option of waiting until my ex came home drunk, taking a gun (where I'd have gotten one I don't know, it was CA remember), putting it between his eyes, and pulling the trigger. MY ATTORNEY was the one who offered me this option. He advised that I first, sign over custody of my daughter to a friend of mine, then shoot and kill my ex, and he'd get me off because of my suffering from PTSD, Battered Wife Syndrome, and a host of other psychiatric maladies he could come up with. What? And lie on the stand and perjure myself? Ummm, NO! Then I'd have had to fight to get her back, which could have taken years. It was just easier to pack up and leave. Leaving him to his own little world, and letting us start anew in ours, 2500 miles away!
We were under Police protection 24/7 every time we had a court date, to which he never showed up for. He was considered "armed and dangerous" and would have been arrested on sight, and since he would have most likely been carrying a gun under the front seat of his truck, he probably would have been shot and killed that way. Hopefully not taking an Officer with him during his act of stupidity.
He was killed in late 94, by a drug dealer, his body found at the bottom of a cliff, and a gun found about 30 feet away from his body. In his case, I guess you could say "Stupid DID hurt", at least for a moment!
So just befriend this woman, and be prepared for the rectal orifice to attack you at any given moment he happens to fly off into a rage.
Good luck, as I said, you'll be in our prayers, as will she!
Oh, and Mr. Evilwrench, I'll stay strong, you do the same. You did the right thing, never forget that. Hugs backatcha!
7th Stepper
She was there when I finally made my decision to leave, and was there when I had my last surgery, (hysterectomy) Altho he made sure she wasn't there when he abused me in a very unpleasant manner 3 days later. I had 1 of 2 choices, participate and pretend to enjoy myself, while praying that any damage would be minimal, or 2, try and fight, and end up hemorrhaging to death in the middle of the living room, leaving our daughter motherless. Deb was there to take me to the Dr the next morning when she arrived, and SHE told the doctor what had happened, so that he'd understand that I wasn't a complete fool, and didn't actually agreed to such an act.
She took him aside after he got home that night, and to this day I don't know what she said to him, but I do know that he greatly feared her after that, enough to not touch me again, especially if it was a way that would leave a mark. She was also the one who organized my escape, and brought in several people to help pack us up, then load what we could into suitcases, brought other stuff to another friends house (my computer being one of the things I managed to keep), took my car up to the mechanic at the Ranch, who sold cars as a sideline, and he ended up buying it after my ex showed up there one day and mouthed off about me. My ex had no clue how many people were in on our escape, and never figured it out. She finally ended up moving back home to Iowa, and we still talk and are friends to this very day, some 20 years later.
Some of the people who helped me were off duty LEOs, who came over to help move the big stuff, that I had receipts that I'd paid for, then came with us to the airport to see us off. They also had copies of the note I'd left, saying we'd gone on vacation and I'd be in contact when we got settled after we arrived at our destination. The guys were great, and when he turned in an "involuntary missing person" report a few months later, they assured him that everything would be done to locate me. Since they already knew where I was, nothing more ever came from it. They protected my whereabouts as well. They knew where I was, I knew where we were, so in essence, I wasn't missing!
Mr. EvilWrench, I do understand what you went thru, there was an article in our paper several years ago now, that I wrote as a "letter to the editor", which ended up being a full page spread on "Domestic Violence and it's Consequences", complete with a picture our our daughter and I. I was counseling a friend of ours, who's ex-wife was pure psycho, and even tho she did everything in her power to destroy him, with our help she didn't succeed. I stated in the article that I understood what a travesty it was that altho there were umteen places for women to go, there wasn't a single place a man could go, where he could feel safe. And if he said anything about his being abused, especially by his wife, it became a laughing stock among everyone he knew.
After all, what REAL man lets his wife beat on him, he must be a real wimp to stand for such a thing. WRONG!! Men can and are just as likely to be abused as women are, it's just that society doesn't accept such things as legit! They refuse to see that men won't defend themselves against an attacking woman, for fear of being seen as the abuser, not the abusee! A man can easily fight off a woman, right? WRONG! Men can and have been raped as well, BY A WOMAN! And people will take the woman's word as gospel every time. So you see, you're not alone, and not wrong for getting yourself out of that situation, as fast as you possibly could.
Both genders also usually have to start over, from scratch, when they leave their spouse behind. At least if they want to do it and live thru the experience. We had to completely start over once we got to Indiana, all we arrived with were several suitcases full of clothes, our meds, and not what you'd exactly call "winter clothes", being as we came here from CA, and the winters in the Bay Area are FAR different than the ones here. Snow? You had to drive about 5 hours to get to some of that, and a "warm heavy coat", there, was a Spring or Fall Jacket here. Plus I wasn't allowed to wear nightgowns, or clothes of any sort when I went to bed, and IN has this weird thing of putting out Spring clothes while there's still snow on the ground outside. Plus I wasn't allowed to wear any type of sweats, so I was severely under-dressed, as was our daughter. And I didn't exactly have the extra money to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.
You never realize what you have, until you no longer have it. And I'm just talking the simple every day things, like salt and pepper shakers, silverware, pots and pans......then move on to furniture, TV's, a phone, a CAR (that's a big one) and food, not to mention plates etc., to eat it on. So I do understand that men have it as bad, if not socially worse, than women do. Because it's not accepted as a "normal" thing to see. And no one wants to step in and help them, most of the time they're to busy laughing at what the guy is saying is happening to him.
I"M NOT accusing anyone on INGO of having such a reaction, at least the people on here know what it's like to be discriminated against, being as how hard we've had to fight to have our 2nd Amendment Rights not "infringed upon".
If you see what's happening, and it's out in public, with witnesses, by all means, for that moment, step in and do what you can. If you don't have any witnesses, have a pocket tape recorder, recording every word that is said, to use later on in your defense. Unfortunately, even tho the wife is being abused herself, she will turn and side with her abuser if she feels he's being attacked, even in her defense. And things can and do turn ugly and violent, very quickly in situations like that. That's one of the reasons that LEO's hate calls like that.
Step in if you can, but have a lawyer on retention (I'm not kidding on that one) to protect your well intended rights, and be aware that the person you're fighting for, may well turn against you without a moments hesitation. Domestic Violence is UGLY, and a blight on our society, but it's a fact that it happens, to both genders, and the consequences can be equally as UGLY, whether you're right or wrong.
Oh, and btw, I was offered the option of waiting until my ex came home drunk, taking a gun (where I'd have gotten one I don't know, it was CA remember), putting it between his eyes, and pulling the trigger. MY ATTORNEY was the one who offered me this option. He advised that I first, sign over custody of my daughter to a friend of mine, then shoot and kill my ex, and he'd get me off because of my suffering from PTSD, Battered Wife Syndrome, and a host of other psychiatric maladies he could come up with. What? And lie on the stand and perjure myself? Ummm, NO! Then I'd have had to fight to get her back, which could have taken years. It was just easier to pack up and leave. Leaving him to his own little world, and letting us start anew in ours, 2500 miles away!
We were under Police protection 24/7 every time we had a court date, to which he never showed up for. He was considered "armed and dangerous" and would have been arrested on sight, and since he would have most likely been carrying a gun under the front seat of his truck, he probably would have been shot and killed that way. Hopefully not taking an Officer with him during his act of stupidity.
He was killed in late 94, by a drug dealer, his body found at the bottom of a cliff, and a gun found about 30 feet away from his body. In his case, I guess you could say "Stupid DID hurt", at least for a moment!
So just befriend this woman, and be prepared for the rectal orifice to attack you at any given moment he happens to fly off into a rage.
Good luck, as I said, you'll be in our prayers, as will she!
Oh, and Mr. Evilwrench, I'll stay strong, you do the same. You did the right thing, never forget that. Hugs backatcha!
7th Stepper
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