Narcissist in your Life

[spec4]

Back about 1970 I worked with a guy who was a total BS artist. You couldn't believe a word the guy said. He seemed like a decent guy, but would go off on his many female conquests, to the point he said he once had sex with a singer that most of you would recognize. He also claimed to be in Special Forces in Viet Nam which I knew was a lie. He said all this with a straight face. I distanced myself from him years ago and he now lives out of state. Flash forward a few months ago and he found me. Left a message on my phone but I never responded. I knew if I did he would be bugging me constantly. To hear from him after so many years was amazing. Don't know how he located me as I lived in Illinois at the time and have a very common name. Narcissist?

 

[BE Mike]

Back about 1970 I worked with a guy who was a total BS artist. You couldn't believe a word the guy said. He seemed like a decent guy, but would go off on his many female conquests, to the point he said he once had sex with a singer that most of you would recognize. He also claimed to be in Special Forces in Viet Nam which I knew was a lie. He said all this with a straight face. I distanced myself from him years ago and he now lives out of state. Flash forward a few months ago and he found me. Left a message on my phone but I never responded. I knew if I did he would be bugging me constantly. To hear from him after so many years was amazing. Don't know how he located me as I lived in Illinois at the time and have a very common name. Narcissist?

Quite possibly. After they lose their grip on people in their circle, they hunt for new victims. Many folks have or have had narcissists in their lives and aren't aware of it because narcissists are master manipulators and charmers.

 

[Leadeye]

Worked for one for a long time, that's also been behind me for a long time.

 

[IndyDave1776]

Have to deal with narcissists on occasion. They are all blind to the pain and rage they spread in their wake. Worst ones are relatives that will manipulate and talk to down to their loved ones. Best course of action is to cut them out of your life and move on. They will not change, no matter how much they are called out on their behavior.

I would have to disagree with the notion that they are blind to the pain they cause others. They simply don't give a damn.

It is hardest for the ladies in the family to finally recognize it for what it is and let go. Narcissists leave a trail of destruction in their wake. They can really turn on the charm when they want and fool people for a long time. On the flip side, their cruelty has no limits and no one is immune in their circle, including their closest relatives. Ours has been married and divorced 4 times. The first two were losers, but now that I know how much and how often I've been lied to, I'm not so sure about the last two. The last one actually seems like a very good person and very well may be. For years we felt like we always had to walk on egg shells. We lived in an ongoing drama and mystery. Once the light came on, we could see everything clearly.

Again, the unlimited cruelty and destruction come directly from not giving a damn. It would seem that they are simply a specialized subset of sociopaths. At any rate, congratulations on sterilizing your life of this scourge and I wish you the best as you move on and you and yours heal from the destruction such a despicable person lives in his wake.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

One thing my wife and I have in common is that we both had a narcissistic manipulative parent. One day I listened to a radio program about narcissistic parents and the person said that there is a common pattern with narcissistic parents in how they treat and raise their kids. They said there is usually one child who they called the "golden child", who was favored over the others, and one who they called "the care-taker", who was expected to do work, and one or more who they called "the forgotten child", who wasn't seen as important as the other two in the eyes of the parent. There sometimes is more than one "care-taker" and there often is more than one "forgotten child", but there is almost always just one "golden child".

I found that really interesting, since there definitely is a "golden child" among my five siblings (not me), and my wife's brother was it in her family. Both my wife and I are more "care-taker" types, I guess. Funny thing they said was that most often, the "golden child" has a much harder time breaking away from the narcissistic parent and is much more affected by the death of that parent. I found that to be true in my family when my dad died some years ago, and our "golden child" had a much harder time than the rest of us.

Also they said that "care-taker" children, as adults, tend to not be very social, especially in comparison with their "golden child" siblings. I've also found this is true in my and my wife's siblings. Both my wife and myself are content to be loners who are most happy just to be with each other or our kids. To this day, my "golden child" sibling can't wrap their mind around the fact that I don't care to stay in touch with all my old school buddies on Facebook.

I honestly don't know if that radio program was based on sound psychology or not, but it seems to fit the situations I know.

 

[rkwhyte2]

I read this book many years ago and it explained quite a bit about some of the people in my family. Narcissism is just one part of the picture in many cases.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004DNXGFQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

 

[hopper68]

With just a change of name, a lot of these stories could be about my older brother. Family and friends only see what I see after he does something to them. Until it happens all I hear is how I should forgive and forget. I have forgiven more than I should have,

 

[churchmouse]

With just a change of name, a lot of these stories could be about my older brother. Family and friends only see what I see after he does something to them. Until it happens all I hear is how I should forgive and forget. I have forgiven more than I should have,

How much have you forgotten. My brother has been gone for more than a few years and the whole ordeal can come up fresh in my mind when I read or hear about the issues in this thread.

 

[hopper68]

How much have you forgotten. My brother has been gone for more than a few years and the whole ordeal can come up fresh in my mind when I read or hear about the issues in this thread.

I remember every time he comes back and starts crap anew.

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

I read this book many years ago and it explained quite a bit about some of the people in my family. Narcissism is just one part of the picture in many cases.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004DNXGFQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Eggshells, omg. I had to special order that one from Barnes & Noble when my first wife was in the psych ward for a month. On the back, it says if your person has three or four of the following symptoms, it may be BPD. She was all of them, a poster child for that [bad word]. They also suggest "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". She had other issues as well. I feel guilty saying it, but objectively, dying was the greatest favor she did for everyone in her life. I saw her niece showing the same kind of signs, but I was out of that Jerry Springer episode of a family, so I didn't have to watch that drama unfold. Now I'm back in my horror story

 

[BE Mike]

I have no credentials, but I thought that bipolar disorder had something to do with a chemical imbalance and was treatable with prescription drugs, while narcissism is a willful personality trait.

 

[red_zr24x4]

In our case, bipolar and narcissism go hand in hand.
Meds for the bipolar are great when they take them. in our case he would rather self medicate with every illegal drug he can but *****es about taking meds

 

[IndyDave1776]

In our case, bipolar and narcissism go hand in hand.
Meds for the bipolar are great when they take them. in our case he would rather self medicate with every illegal drug he can but *****es about taking meds

That makes perfect sense. Why would he not prefer to feel highly stimulated and twisted as ever rather than perfectly normal which would most likely seem rather boring to him. After all, the foremost problem with such a personality is that he enjoys his antisocial tendencies.

 

[SnoopLoggyDog]

I have no credentials, but I thought that bipolar disorder had something to do with a chemical imbalance and was treatable with prescription drugs, while narcissism is a willful personality trait.

Same in the case of our relative. Short cycling Bipolar Narcissist that would rather not take the helpful meds, because then life is no fun. Binges of psychotic drama mixed with a cocktail of Wild Turkey, with assorted opioids & amphetamines is much more entertaining. Everyday is a whirlwind of insults, being offended, dark conspiracies, and opportunities to manipulate those around them. Once went on a binge that resulted in a five day coma in intensive care. Even after that, there was no realization that their actions were harmful or hurtful.

When called out to take responsibility for their actions, Bipolar Narcissists usually respond that they have a "problem" and we are not allowed to "judge" them.

 

[churchmouse]

Same in the case of our relative. Short cycling Bipolar Narcissist that would rather not take the helpful meds, because then life is no fun. Binges of psychotic drama mixed with a cocktail of Wild Turkey, with assorted opioids & amphetamines is much more entertaining. Everyday is a whirlwind of insults, being offended, dark conspiracies, and opportunities to manipulate those around them. Once went on a binge that resulted in a five day coma in intensive care. Even after that, there was no realization that their actions were harmful or hurtful.

When called out to take responsibility for their actions, Bipolar Narcissists usually respond that they have a "problem" and we are not allowed to "judge" them.

This describes my brother. When cornered/caught it was.....I have the sickness I need help. The family (myself included 2 times) would put him somewhere and be supportive. He played us like a Violin.