Narcissist in your Life

[BE Mike]

My wife and I have a narcissist in our life. Over the years, we tried to explain away the lies and evil things that this person has done over the years, because the person is a relative. It has taken decades to have someone tell us that the person is a narcissist and would never care about our feelings or do anything kind, out of love. We started reading up on the traits and sure enough, this person exhibits them right down the line. The sad part is that a narcissist will never admit that they have a problem, so they never seek treatment. Sadly, especially for a narcissistic relative, the only solution is to just cut them out of your life. They will tell outrageous lies about you and try to assassinate your character to the unsuspecting people that they draw into their lives. If that is a relative that really isn't close, they can destroy that relationship. I hope if you suspect that someone in your life, who is treating you very badly, may be a narcissist, stop looking inward for a minute and check to see if maybe it is them. I can tell you certainly that cutting off contact may hurt for a while, but it is far better than to suffer pain under the power of a narcissist for years. One thing that has helped us, is that some relatives we have in our lives have finally realized the truth and are supportive of our position.

 

[Vigilant]

What do you know, I didn’t even know we were related until now? It’s you that has the problem, not me!

 

[Thor]

I determined a long time ago that people need to be judged by their actions and held accountable (or as accountable as I can hold them) for them. Being a relative gets you in the door, violate my hospitality and the rejection is on you. Had a relative who I had to boot out of the house on Thanksgiving Day because he showed up in a BLM T-shirt and was acting like a ****. I will not put up with that from anyone anymore. I did in the past and it never gets better so might as well deal with it straight up. Too many snowflakes (narcissists) think they can get away with it because; because they're a relative, because they consider themselves a special group, because they are them. Sorry, not having it. Get out of my house, get out of my life. If you come back I will consider you a stranger. Trust is earned, earning trust back once it is lost is hard...second chances will be granted only if an apology comes first.

 

[churchmouse]

I think we all have one or more in our lives.
Yes it is hard to see until you hit that barrier that you just refuse to cross.

 

[BE Mike]

What do you know, I didn’t even know we were related until now? It’s you that has the problem, not me!

You should have put me on your ignore list!

 

[SnoopLoggyDog]

Have to deal with narcissists on occasion. They are all blind to the pain and rage they spread in their wake. Worst ones are relatives that will manipulate and talk to down to their loved ones. Best course of action is to cut them out of your life and move on. They will not change, no matter how much they are called out on their behavior.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

A buddy of mine has an unstable, sometimes drug addicted, whacko sibling that's actually cost him a night in jail. I don't know that narcissist is what you'd call them, maybe sociopath with bipolar disorder... This sibling has even gotten their parents to split up and now the family has taken sides against each other. My buddy and his family have done their best to break ties to the sibling but to hear him talk, almost every unknown car that pulls up into the driveway causes a knot in the pit of their stomachs until they're sure the sibling hasn't decided today is a day to reestablish torment on the rest of them.

 

[red_zr24x4]

I didn't know all you guys knew my step-son.
The best is when he starts telling people how rough his childhood was, His three brothers just look at him like WTF none of that ever happened

 

[churchmouse]

A buddy of mine has an unstable, sometimes drug addicted, whacko sibling that's actually cost him a night in jail. I don't know that narcissist is what you'd call them, maybe sociopath with bipolar disorder... This sibling has even gotten their parents to split up and now the family has taken sides against each other. My buddy and his family have done their best to break ties to the sibling but to hear him talk, almost every unknown car that pulls up into the driveway causes a knot in the pit of their stomachs until they're sure the sibling hasn't decided today is a day to reestablish torment on the rest of them.

This sounds like my younger brother.
He did not split up the parents but he did split the family. A divide that never closed.
Caused me legal issues past the day he was unplugged from life support. He drank himself to death. Literally. Add in the fact that the final call on his plug being pulled was left to me. The choice was actually pretty easy.
Yes, I spent a few days in jail over him and his actions.
When my dad passed and were getting everything in order they came up with 3 Apt. complexes that stated I owed them money from way the hell back. My name and social. I had to prove I never lived at any of them. He lived those places. He used to take my license from my wallet when I was asleep. He would take one of my cars and go out raising hell. Got a series of tickets. I found out when I was pulled over and my name ran. I was pulled from my car and off to the pokey. I suspect he got my Social then as well. It was a nightmare getting all that cleared up. Thank god for 2 Honest LEO that had wrote some of the tickets. They verified I was not the guy. This was well before the pics on ID era.

He also got me in other trouble that made it a wise move he leave the state until I cooled down. I never really did.

Yeah it was pretty easy to go thumbs down on his butt.
Every family has 1 or more of these psycho's.

 

[jbombelli]

I have an uncle somewhere that proved to be a self-absorbed, self-righteous, hippie commune-living (Arcosanti for those familiar) a-hole back in the 70s. None of us has seen him since. Good riddance.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

This sounds like my younger brother.
He did not split up the parents but he did split the family. A divide that never closed.
Caused me legal issues past the day he was unplugged from life support. He drank himself to death. Literally. Add in the fact that the final call on his plug being pulled was left to me. The choice was actually pretty easy.
Yes, I spent a few days in jail over him and his actions.
When my dad passed and were getting everything in order they came up with 3 Apt. complexes that stated I owed them money from way the hell back. My name and social. I had to prove I never lived at any of them. He lived those places. He used to take my license from my wallet when I was asleep. He would take one of my cars and go out raising hell. Got a series of tickets. I found out when I was pulled over and my name ran. I was pulled from my car and off to the pokey. I suspect he got my Social then as well. It was a nightmare getting all that cleared up. Thank god for 2 Honest LEO that had wrote some of the tickets. They verified I was not the guy. This was well before the pics on ID era.

He also got me in other trouble that made it a wise move he leave the state until I cooled down. I never really did.

Yeah it was pretty easy to go thumbs down on his butt.
Every family has 1 or more of these psycho's.

Yep...I've got a cousin that's gone now and had quite the history -- that my aunt and uncle told us about -- and I imagine there's a lot more that they didn't tell us.

 

[churchmouse]

Yep...I've got a cousin that's gone now and had quite the history -- that my aunt and uncle told us about -- and I imagine there's a lot more that they didn't tell us.

Oh there is so much more to this one as well;. The family kept bailing him out. I stopped and was told I was heartless. My heart went cold when I sat in jail over his idiocy....more than once actually.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Oh there is so much more to this one as well;. The family kept bailing him out. I stopped and was told I was heartless. My heart went cold when I sat in jail over his idiocy....more than once actually.

Enabling behavior...while well meaning is not doing them any favors.

 

[BE Mike]

Enabling behavior...while well meaning is not doing them any favors.

It is hardest for the ladies in the family to finally recognize it for what it is and let go. Narcissists leave a trail of destruction in their wake. They can really turn on the charm when they want and fool people for a long time. On the flip side, their cruelty has no limits and no one is immune in their circle, including their closest relatives. Ours has been married and divorced 4 times. The first two were losers, but now that I know how much and how often I've been lied to, I'm not so sure about the last two. The last one actually seems like a very good person and very well may be. For years we felt like we always had to walk on egg shells. We lived in an ongoing drama and mystery. Once the light came on, we could see everything clearly.

 

[DeadeyeChrista'sdad]

I've seen a few. I worked for one, and that was a nightmare. The worst one I've ever seen was something. He showed up at the home of some friends, spouting gospel, and charming them. When I told them not to trust him, they poo poo'd me. OOOOOKAY. ...
Later that day my friend called, asking if I'd seen the vacation money he'd foolishly put into a drawer right in front of the guy. Oops! Bye bye!
S.O.B. disappeared for years until another friend showed up on the Facebook calling him out for being a liar and a thief. No.... really?
He'll overdose one day, hopefully soon. And the world will be a better place.
I say that not because I want to see him die, but because I grow tired of seeing him, and people like him, take from good people.

 

[1DOWN4UP]

This story has no end!

 

[BE Mike]

This story has no end!

So true, because narcissists are kinda like spiders, in that they weave webs of charm to catch new victims. Once the victim is either destroyed or escapes, the narcissist looks for new prey. They never stop.

 

[femurphy77]

So What; you guys trying to tell me that the universe itself DOESN'T revolve around me????

 

[HoughMade]

Huh...I can't think of anyone in my family that fits this description. Funny thing was, talking to my wife about this and she said she thought of someone right away. Can't figure out who she's talking about.

 

[Nazgul]

Read a good book the other day " The Science of Evil" by Simon Baron-Cohen. He has a good perspective on lack of empathy with others that enables narcissistic behavior.

There was one in my family years ago, his behavior centered around sexual encounters with family members.