(Not a carry issue) My 13 yr old defended himself yesterday w/ force...

[daddymikey1975]

Good call, Mikey... *High-Five to your son*

Thanks. Still waiting to hear from the principal. I doubt anything will come of it, but you never know.. Seems like society is punishing our kids and teaching them 'what' to think and do instead of 'how' to think and do for themselves.

For example, if my boys ask me where something 'goes'.. I'll ask them to use their brains and find something similar, and most likely they've found the proper place. I don't give them 'easy' answers when a little bit of exercising the grey matter would have netted them the same answer

Think for them, they'll be too needy. Teach them how to think for themselves and they'll be more sefl sufficient.

 

[drysdaleg]

Ill have to remember those rules for when my son gets old enough. Hes only two as of right now. I kind of went through the same thing at that age. Never got in trouble with my parents, the school on the other hand was less understanding. Kudos to your son.

 

[Leo]

My son was always a small boy for his age and started getting picked on. Completely ruining a 4 foot toy stuffed bear, I spent a couple weeks teaching him the basics of self defense. Along with teaching him to not be the agressor, I taught him to check out all options first, but to never crawl like a coward. I also assured him, that I would back him 100% for defending himself, even if it got him thrown out of school.

A couple of minor fights in a the neighborhood and a couple at school (including me having to meet with a mindless female principle) pretty much took care of the people picking on him. As far as I know, he has never been an aggressor or picked on others. He is still short and thin, but I do not think he has ever regreted learning to hold his ground.

 

[Firefighter56]

I've taught my boys the same rules to live by. I also added another one to that, when it escelates to the point of a fight, there is no such thing as a fair fight so be ready for everything and be ready to do anything to come out on top. If you ever see your brother in a fight and he is losing step in and stop it. My boys are 16 months apart in age so they are together most places they go. Right now they are only 9&10 and haven't had any problems. They are really good boys and don't get into any trouble. Always made straight A's, leaders on all the sports teams etc. so hopefully I don't have any problems in the future.

 

[Shelly1582]

I tell my girls the same thing. With one additional. They are not only to stand up for themselves, but for each other if the situations occurs when near each other. My 9 year old had a thing on the play ground last week. One girl held her arms while the other slapped her in the face numerous times. She kicked the girl in the knee as hard as she could and told teacher on playground duty. Teacher made my daughter run laps for kicking. I was not a happy Momma! I contacted her actual teacher and she fully agreed that my girl was in the right to do what she could to break free and report the incident. I don't recall mean 9 year old girls being this physical when I was in school? But my girls know they won't get in trouble on this end and I will back them.

 

[GunSlinger]

Very well done by your son, and an excellent set of contact rules on your part!

 

[daddymikey1975]

Very well done by your son, and an excellent set of contact rules on your part!

They don't have a duty to retreat, except when it's "Trash Talk".. we won't be bothered by it

Either you mean business and want to throw down, or you're just flapping your gums.. If you mean business, let's get this over with because I have beer to drink

In all seriousness.. I was picked on LOTS as a kid and refuse to allow my children to put up with the crap that I did. I made lots of wrong choices back then. So far, my kids seem to make level headed decisions in situations like this. At least I'm doing that part correctly

 

[KontrolledChaos67]

I'm glad to hear that you son defended himself I am the same way with teaching my kids as well very good lessons for them to learn you are a great man and good teacher thanks for sharing your story.

 

[BiscuitNaBasket]

Good job! School policies are weird on fighting. In some schools fighting back is "wrong." A big to your son!

 

[Mark 1911]

Congrats to the young man for standing up for himself. I hope the school does not punish him for this as it wasn't his fault. Good job of teaching the young man, restraint if possible, whooping if necessary.

 

[TaunTaun]

I have to disagree with rule #3.

I had an incident in Jr. High that a kid followed me through 2 different rooms after I had already walked away, still yelling, cussing, and doing the whole "I'm gonna hit you.....PSYCH!!!!" type of movement. Someone does not have to throw a punch to be aggressive towards you, and sometimes enough is enough.

I threw the first punch that day. I didn't throw any others as the kid got up, jumped on my back and started rabbit punching me....

But afterwards, no one messed with me again throughout the rest of my time in school.

And never got in trouble with the parents when I told them my version of events.

Suspended for 3 days for fighting. My mom and dad told the school to pound sand.

 

[bwframe]

Great work young man!
Now dad, you need to follow up with the principal to find the other young man. Make him accountable for putting hands on your boy. That is not OK.

 

[maxmayhem]

i agree with all but the first punch ...if someone is threatening you stating they are going to do such and such then you should act first...

I came home from work and my 13 year old said to my wife "did you tell dad what happened at school?" (he's been in some trouble before so I kinda got a little worried that he screwed up)

His story is as follows:

"I was standing in the lunch room talking to my girlfriend and this kid bigger than me, comes up behind me and gets me in a headlock/choke hold. I elbowed him as hard as I could in the gut, he let go, I tuned and pushed him. He fell down and everyone was laughing at him."

I asked if he got in trouble and he said that none of the teachers got involved. He said that he told the nearest teacher and that she would let the principal know. My wife spoke w/ the principal and he said he would 'check into things."

I told him that I'm very proud of him defending himself and that he did the right thing. I've always taught my children the following:

1) If someone is talking trash, or verbally harassing you (either at school or not) to tell them to pound sand and walk away to make their personal space bigger. If they bring the fight to you and it escalates, defend yourself at all cost.

2) If someone puts their hand on you first (at school or not) you immediately, and with force, defend yourself at all cost. You might get in trouble with the school (which I will adamantly protest) but will NOT get in any trouble with me or mom.

3) You are not allowed to take the first punch under any circumstances.

4) You are not allowed to verbally escalate a situation to provoke someone else to take the first shot.

I believe he did good, and I made sure I told him as much and how proud I was of him. :yesway

 

[growler46901]

Amen to teaching siblings to stick up for each other! That's what family is about.

Growler

 

[dusterboy49]

I have a stepson who at the time was a junior in high school.
He was walking down the hallway between classes,when another student sucker punched him from behind. My stepson turned and shoved his assailant down. There were plenty of witnesses as to what occurred.
My stepson was taken to the principals office.
My wife and I received a call from the principal stating what had occurred and were told that it was "school policy" that our stepson had to be either 'suspended for 3 days" or serve a week after school detention for "his part" in the "fight.
I told the principal that I would come in immediately to discuss the matter.
I then called my attorney and explained to him what had happened.
My attorney told me to talk to the principal and explain this to him:

(1) The school is required to provide a safe environment for the students.
(2) If the school decided to discipline my stepson for defending himself from an attack by another student, a lawsuit would be filed for not providing the above.

I proceeded to the high school along with my wife and met with the principal and the guidance counselor.
The principal once again explained the "school policy" regarding fighting on scool property.
I then asked the principal since when did "school policy" trump the right to defend yourself against an attack.
The guidance counselor then said that "it did not matter if you were defending yourself, it was still fighting".
I could see that it would do no good to discuss this matter further, so I just told the principal what my attorney had said.
The guidance counselor then said "are you threatening to sue us"?
I said I would do whatever necessary to protect my stepson from an unprovoked attack and that everyone had a right to protect themselves from an attack.
I then told them that they were not going to punish my stepson for defending himself.
The principal then said no action would be taken against my stepson and we left the school.
In later discussion with other parents, I was informed that the guidance counselor was an asshat who frequently exceeded his authority.

 

[Double T]

Never start a fight, but be fully prepared and capable to finish it.

 

[daddymikey1975]

To those that agree that it's ok to throw the first punch, (in school) there is ALWAYS somewhere to walk to where there is an adult that is REQUIRED BY LAW to protect my son. By doing this, it shows restraint and teaches him self control and to not give in to being 'frustrated' and simply lashing out and being provoked.

If I allowed him to throw the first punch after being provoked, then he would arguably, be allowed to be upset and provoke the other guy to throw down first 'just to get in a fight'.. (I did the latter in school and caused me much drama and trouble).. My rules seem fair, and just and he followed them to a "T"

UPDATE: The principal did not discuss this w/ him and we haven't heard from the principal either. My wife is going to call the principal tomorrow and follow up.

 

[Bigshep]

Great rules. Pretty much the same I've always followed. I graduated in 2005 and I'm sure its changed a bit since then. I know I was the new kid a few times throughout school and everyone knows the new kid always gets picked on. Well some of the picking on ended up getting physical and I was always the big guy during these times. The bullies got beat up and I got in trouble. Every time. I won the fight so obviously (according to the school) I was at complete fault and I should be the one getting into trouble for defending myself.

The sad thing is when I asked them what else I should have done I always got the "Just walk away" response. I think they had trouble with the whole walking away from someone calling you names and walking away with someone punching you in the face/back of the head are two totally different things. And yes, I was actually told that I should have just walked away as they were hitting me.

It's one thing to take the first swing, but if you get hit first you better be fighting back and doing everything you can to get that person to leave you alone. It doesn't matter if this is in Elementary school or when you're 80 years old. I just hope that I am able to get this into my kids' heads if I eber have any.

 

[daddymikey1975]

Great rules. Pretty much the same I've always followed. I graduated in 2005 and I'm sure its changed a bit since then. I know I was the new kid a few times throughout school and everyone knows the new kid always gets picked on. Well some of the picking on ended up getting physical and I was always the big guy during these times. The bullies got beat up and I got in trouble. Every time. I won the fight so obviously (according to the school) I was at complete fault and I should be the one getting into trouble for defending myself.

The sad thing is when I asked them what else I should have done I always got the "Just walk away" response. I think they had trouble with the whole walking away from someone calling you names and walking away with someone punching you in the face/back of the head are two totally different things. And yes, I was actually told that I should have just walked away as they were hitting me.

It's one thing to take the first swing, but if you get hit first you better be fighting back and doing everything you can to get that person to leave you alone. It doesn't matter if this is in Elementary school or when you're 80 years old. I just hope that I am able to get this into my kids' heads if I eber have any.

I was abused as a child (mentally and physically).. I was bullied and picked on CONSTANTLY in school. I used to just mouth back so much and escalate things to prove 'the fight'.. sometimes I'd win, sometimes I'd get put down. Other times, I'd swing first because of frustration, etc.

I really 'feel' for my kids (or others') when they're bullied. I can see (now) the error of my ways. I have learned LOTS of self restraint and control. I have taught my kids the things I 'should have' done back then.

I agree, it's EXTREMELY hard to have enough self control to walk away when the trash talking starts. When the other guy puts his hands on you first, all bets are off and it's survival of he who throws down the best, school or no school.

I was paddled (lots) in school.. I was in the principal's office more times than I can count. In fact, in the midst of one fight, I jumped at the other guy's head to snatch him in a headlock. Mid-air the principal steps between us, and I ended up snagging him, and we both fell to the ground

Needless to say... me and the dude that were scuffling were hauled off, and I had a week of in school suspension.

I know how immature and poorly I made decisions. I have taught my kids what I should have done, and it seems as if they're listening (or at least one of them is)

 

[Frosty]

Sounds just about like my dads rules, I've tried to teach my daughter the same rules, but since she is 12 and 5'10", she doesn't have many problems with the bullies. Good for your boy!