Nursing Home Care and Personal Savings

[PistolBob]

If your dad is a WWII veteran, you need to contact the American legion HQ in downtown Indy and talk to their benefits advisor. Your dad may be entitled to some care via the VA system, maybe not....but you need to ask them to help you find out. The Legion acts as a go between for you and the VA and they get things done. Good luck and please thank your dad for being there in WWII.

 

[awames76]

when mom went in in 2009 she was having mental problems after hip surgery, got that taken care of, she did not like it there but could not live alone and did not like independent living. after 2 yrs she started to get to know people and made friends and i took her her sowing mechine and she made lap quilts and sold them for $5 and 10 just enough to cover costs. and did repairs for employees [ got payed]. she was doing different activities and was enjoying her self. she met a man and got married in 2013. in 2011 she would call me 3 to 6 times a day to talk about nothing for an hour at a time [ i could talk at work hands free] to in 2012 i called here every 3 days because stopped calling.

my sister lives in indy. mom lived in portland. im in kendallville. mom lived in the middle. so i moved mom up to me, i have kids sister does not, that way we could see her every sunday and as needed during the week and not have a 2 hr drive one way, the 8 minute drive was nice.

find a good place and they have to want to enjoy it. find something they like to do. mom was sowing. visit them often.

 

[MrsGungho]

The cost of nursing homes is mind-boggling with the reality hits you, especially as was noted earlier that what is considered a "semi-private" room is usually a room big enough for one person (comfortably) separated by curtain. You can hear or read about the cost, but until you're writing the checks, it's just a number.

We tried to take care of my mother at home after the Medicare replacement benefits terminated and she went on private pay. It was just too much for us and the home health care options under Medicare are only useful to people who are mostly self-sufficient. I admire greatly those of you who are able to care for your family when they need it because I know how hard it is. Ultimately, the best option for my mom was the nursing home. Since she's been there, her health has improved dramatically, as has her mental and emotional states. I vowed years ago when my grandmother was put in a nursing home that I wouldn't allow it to happen to my parents, but now I see that while I had good intentions, that was more about my emotions than what was best for my mom.

Exactly what Rhino has said here. My Mom was also in a Nursing Home, twice. She was in for rehab and it was covered with insurance. I had vowed though that I would never do that to her as she'd worked in a Nursing Home and her parents died in a NH. I didn't want that for her. I took time off the first time she needed help at home. I couldn't the last 2 times, I am 2 hours away from my folks and being that far away with my son in school wasn't possible. She did her rehab both times, went home the first. The second time she passed away after being told she was well enough to be released to home. She was well enough, her death was very sudden and unexpected.

There are good homes out there, there are somewhat shady and there are shady. I encourage ANYONE that has to make this decision to do research, research, research.

 

[BE Mike]

If your dad is a WWII veteran, you need to contact the American legion HQ in downtown Indy and talk to their benefits advisor. Your dad may be entitled to some care via the VA system, maybe not....but you need to ask them to help you find out. The Legion acts as a go between for you and the VA and they get things done. Good luck and please thank your dad for being there in WWII.

He's a member of the VFW and American Legion. We don't live near Indy.

 

[BE Mike]

The cost of nursing homes is mind-boggling with the reality hits you, especially as was noted earlier that what is considered a "semi-private" room is usually a room big enough for one person (comfortably) separated by curtain. You can hear or read about the cost, but until you're writing the checks, it's just a number.

We tried to take care of my mother at home after the Medicare replacement benefits terminated and she went on private pay. It was just too much for us and the home health care options under Medicare are only useful to people who are mostly self-sufficient. I admire greatly those of you who are able to care for your family when they need it because I know how hard it is. Ultimately, the best option for my mom was the nursing home. Since she's been there, her health has improved dramatically, as has her mental and emotional states. I vowed years ago when my grandmother was put in a nursing home that I wouldn't allow it to happen to my parents, but now I see that while I had good intentions, that was more about my emotions than what was best for my mom.

Every situation is different. This ranges from the physical condition to the financial. When a person is no longer able to live alone because they cannot handle their personal safety and welfare, something else must happen, if you care at all. You mentioned the frequent short visits also, which I agree with. Another thing mentioned was getting to know the staff. I had an early meeting with my father's supervisory nurse. I was wearing a Leupold cap. I found out that he is a gun guy. We had a long convo and told him about my dad (a hunter, target shooter and WWI vet). It cemented a bond.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

A while back, when I told someone that I wasn't able to care for my father in my home, I was told, that I would be surprised how many people try to do it and end up with deteriorating health and die before the person they are caring for passes. She explained that that one caregiver is trying to do what it takes a staff of several people to do. It is a huge task to take upon one's shoulders. Anyone who can do it is amazing!

My father-in-law was 46 when my mother-in-law fell ill in 1983 (my wife and I were 22) He retired at 52 and stayed home with her full time, because he couldn't let my wife continue to bear the burden of taking care of her mom all day, then go to her job in the evenings. He provided most of her care in the early years, with my wife gradually taking more and more as he got older. He was the strongest, most honorable man I've ever known, and I never once heard him complain about things except to tell me a couple times that "If I ever dreamed of an early retirement, this wasn't what I thought it would be", and he often talked about how fortunate they were to have his UAW insurance and his ability to retire after he got his 30 years. I know that the burden of care-giving shortened his life, and in the hospital in the last hours of his life, he kept trying to get out of the bed, like he knew there was something he needed to do.

I'm sure a lot of people feel quite a bit of guilt if they aren't able to care for their parents at home, but some times you just can't. For my family, circumstances at least allowed for it with my father-in-law's ability to retire, our living close, and my getting a job after college that didn't require moving away. I'm not near as strong as my wife in that way, and I'm not sure how much longer she's really going to be able to keep on, but if we have to, we'll find the best place we can like most do.

And, if she does have to go to a facility, at least the tax-payers have been saved over 35 years of care-cost. For those who worry about that sort of thing, you're welcome .

 

[BE Mike]

It looks like indiana's general fund is about $15 billion for FY17. Indiana Medicaid spending is $10.5 billion in 2016. Wow. Feds help with some of that, but WOW. About a $30B total operating budget including federal funds.

http://in.gov/sba/files/AS_2017_Budget_Summaries_Func_Sum_3.pdf

Total Medicaid Spending | The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation

Yes health care is expensive and our tax money, including what my dad has paid in (he's over 90) eats away. Interesting though that there don't seem to be many pharmaceutical companies, doctors, hospitals or insurance companies hurting for money.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrisc...ost-of-health-care-1958-vs-2012/#4910644d4910

 

[rhino]

Exactly what Rhino has said here. My Mom was also in a Nursing Home, twice. She was in for rehab and it was covered with insurance. I had vowed though that I would never do that to her as she'd worked in a Nursing Home and her parents died in a NH. I didn't want that for her. I took time off the first time she needed help at home. I couldn't the last 2 times, I am 2 hours away from my folks and being that far away with my son in school wasn't possible. She did her rehab both times, went home the first. The second time she passed away after being told she was well enough to be released to home. She was well enough, her death was very sudden and unexpected.

There are good homes out there, there are somewhat shady and there are shady. I encourage ANYONE that has to make this decision to do research, research, research.

Indeed . . . research.

We go lucky. We live in a small town and it's impossible to hide much when something bad happens or is ongoing. My mom's initial stay at the nursing home was for rehab after a hospitalization for an illness. While she was there, we got to know the people who cared for her on a daily & nightly basis and also talked to people around town. The consensus was that the same place was the best choice, so that's where she returned.

No matter where your family or friend is staying, the more you visit, the better. Aside from the obvious benefits directly to them, the staff sees you on a regular basis and it just helps.

Every situation is different. This ranges from the physical condition to the financial. When a person is no longer able to live alone because they cannot handle their personal safety and welfare, something else must happen, if you care at all. You mentioned the frequent short visits also, which I agree with. Another thing mentioned was getting to know the staff. I had an early meeting with my father's supervisory nurse. I was wearing a Leupold cap. I found out that he is a gun guy. We had a long convo and told him about my dad (a hunter, target shooter and WWI vet). It cemented a bond.

Agreed! I know most of the people who work with my mom. When I meet someone new, they have heard about me when we introduce ourselves to each other.

My father-in-law was 46 when my mother-in-law fell ill in 1983 (my wife and I were 22) He retired at 52 and stayed home with her full time, because he couldn't let my wife continue to bear the burden of taking care of her mom all day, then go to her job in the evenings. He provided most of her care in the early years, with my wife gradually taking more and more as he got older. He was the strongest, most honorable man I've ever known, and I never once heard him complain about things except to tell me a couple times that "If I ever dreamed of an early retirement, this wasn't what I thought it would be", and he often talked about how fortunate they were to have his UAW insurance and his ability to retire after he got his 30 years. I know that the burden of care-giving shortened his life, and in the hospital in the last hours of his life, he kept trying to get out of the bed, like he knew there was something he needed to do.

I'm sure a lot of people feel quite a bit of guilt if they aren't able to care for their parents at home, but some times you just can't. For my family, circumstances at least allowed for it with my father-in-law's ability to retire, our living close, and my getting a job after college that didn't require moving away. I'm not near as strong as my wife in that way, and I'm not sure how much longer she's really going to be able to keep on, but if we have to, we'll find the best place we can like most do.

And, if she does have to go to a facility, at least the tax-payers have been saved over 35 years of care-cost. For those who worry about that sort of thing, you're welcome .

You and your family are awesome sir. No other word for it.

My father also spent much of his retired years as my mom's primary care giver.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

You and your family are awesome sir. No other word for it.

Thanks Rhino. My family is; I've had the easy duty mostly. My primary usefulness is fixing things that break and programming the remotes.

 

[rhino]

Thanks Rhino. My family is; I've had the easy duty mostly. My primary usefulness is fixing things that break and programming the remotes.

Keep your repair skills up to date... you could be replaced on the remote programming by any random 7 year old!