She finally snatched "them" off!

[Que]

I was sitting in my office last night, surfing INGO and my wife came in and sat on my lounger. After 20 years, I know when she is coming to sit and when she is coming to "talk." Well, she sat down and went on to tell me about how my guns scare her. We've been through this before and I was prepared to hit the ceiling, but I held off. She went on to tell me about her dad cleaning a gun and accidentally shooting her uncle in the shoulder.

Now, like I said, we've been together 20 years and I've never heard this story! Anyway, the guy didn't die and it couldn't have been that serious since it hasn't been brought up in 20 years! She went on to tell me how she took a bullet to show-and-tell and got into trouble in school. Somewhere in there she told me about a dream that I had words with my son (presently 7), during his teen years and I shot him in the back of the head.

Now, my wife is a very smart, intelligent and intellectual woman. She has book smarts as well as decent street smarts, but this is the DUMBEST CRAP I have ever heard in my life! I couldn't even get past the fact that she would insist on castrating me like that. Also, using a dream about me shooting my son?!

I have put a lock on my office door to ensure the children can't get in. I keep all my guns in a locked safe, in a locked office, but that's still not good enough. Bottom line, I'm tired of going around this mountain and I have packed up my safe, guns, ammo, cases, and holsters to go sit in a friends' basement! I will keep my EDC, but I won't bring it into the house.

I can't describe how I feel and what I wish could happen, but I won't put it on the internet. I just don't know how to get through to her that a gun is a defensive weapon that should be possessed by any real citizen. I'm without words and just had to vent for a minute. This is a woman that has never nagged me about anything! I feel like going into the freakin' mountains for a few weeks just to clear my head.

I'm done. Please, no purchase offers. I'm not selling anything, but I'm still looking to trade my M&P .45 for a G22. https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/firearms/101602-m_and_p_full-size_45_a.html

 

[WillBrayJr]

Similar to whats going on here at the Complex with the Manager. So far the Manager hasn't come up with the stories your wife has. Seriously your wife needs to get over it. I realize people are afraid of what they don't know or understand. I was shot three times with a 22lr as a child and the only thing that did was get me interested in guns even more. Been cut plenty of times playing with knives but they don't scare me.

 

[mrjarrell]

You need to keep your firearms in the house and then sit her down and explain that she's being irrational. You've taken far more steps than many (if not most) gun owners do to insure the safety of your family. They will certainly be less safe (your family and your guns) if they're not in your house and under your care.

 

[HandK]

Sorry to hear it man!!! Have you tried education? If you make her comfortable with picking up a gun and being able to unload it and know that it is safe it might make a difference!! show her how to load and unload all your guns!! If she is able to pick up unload and make safe every gun it might make big difference!!

 

[IndyMonkey]

Sorry to hear about your problem. I wish you the best of luck dealing with it.

 

[HandK]

Oh and what are you going to do with your cars!!! more people are killed every year by autos than there are guns!!! so you better get rid of them too!! might help her to see that she is being unreasonable!! Hope this helps !!

 

[jeremy]

I understand were you are at right now...
My wife is German and it has been a unique experience for us since we moved back to the States. We have talked about firearms several times. When I get back from this tour we will be moving towards teaching her of firearms and firearms safety. We did discuss why owning, possessing, and being proficient with firearms is a line in the sand for me. Good luck.

 

[alwalker84]

You need to keep your EDC in the house with you at all times. I would hate for her to learn the hard way (someone breaking in and you not having a weapon to defend your family) that guns in the hands of responsible people are not the DEVIL!

 

[eldirector]

Best of luck, Que!

I don't know you, so don't take anything I say personal. Don't move the guns. This doesn't sound like it is about guns, to me. Sit her down and talk about trust. There are things we are all afraid of, but we must trust our partners implicitly.You will do your best to make the right decisions for your family. She may not always agree, but she should trust your judgment. Besides, if it took 20 years for this to come up, there is something going on.

My wife and I have had this conversation, but not about guns. We have both made decisions the other wouldn't necessarily have made. In the end, even if we still disagree, we have to trust that the other will do what is right for the family.

Or, maybe she just doesn't like your guns

 

[Que]

I'm going to go to the range and think this through while I work off some frustration. I have tried to educate her in every way. She even jumps when she sees ammunition. I just think I'm getting played and I don't like it.

I used to laugh at guys who couldn't do things because of their wife's nagging. I guess I'm reaping what you sowed.

I emailed the link to the story about the wife that saved the husband by shooting through the wall. Most likely, she will not be moved, but if it wasn't for the wife, that guy would probably be dead.

I don't know, but it's like she is a different person.

 

[HandK]

One more thing!! If you know of someone that has had a home invasion have them talk to her!! once you lose your security you will never feel secure in your own home again!! Guns are a defensive tool used against offensive assaults!! hope this helps!!

 

[Que]

You need to keep your EDC in the house with you at all times. I would hate for her to learn the hard way (someone breaking in and you not having a weapon to defend your family) that guns in the hands of responsible people are not the DEVIL!

Al, I think you hit the nail on the head. I learned a long time ago, that my signature is what I live by, but she has a different point of view.

 

[Que]

Best of luck, Que!

I don't know you, so don't take anything I say personal. Don't move the guns. This doesn't sound like it is about guns, to me. Sit her down and talk about trust. There are things we are all afraid of, but we must trust our partners implicitly.You will do your best to make the right decisions for your family. She may not always agree, but she should trust your judgment. Besides, if it took 20 years for this to come up, there is something going on.

My wife and I have had this conversation, but not about guns. We have both made decisions the other wouldn't necessarily have made. In the end, even if we still disagree, we have to trust that the other will do what is right for the family.

Or, maybe she just doesn't like your guns

One more thing!! If you know of someone that has had a home invasion have them talk to her!! once you lose your security you will never feel secure in your own home again!! Guns are a defensive tool used against offensive assaults!! hope this helps!!

I think it's about trust, too. If I need to have someone else explain to her, then it's that person's word she will be relying on. Where does that leave me? That's a rhetorical question, but I think you know what I mean.

I've never seen a country girl afraid of guns. I got rid of my guns when our first child was born. The glee of fatherhood got to me and before I knew it, I gave my Bersa 380 to my brother in Chicago. Now, my daughter is a 12-year old, 9th grade, purple belt in karate, and understands guns and has explicitly told me that she is just not interested in learning to shoot right now. She is not afraid, but she is just not interested. I can accept that.

My 7-year old son loves going into Bradis and Walt shows him how to hold the Cricket. He wants one so bad and every time he brings it up, I feel the chill come over the house. For this reason, he has never held one of my guns and hasn't begun to learn basic safety, other that what Walt has taught him.

Then, we go to church and I talk to the guys about their father/son hunting trips and... Well, it goes on and on, but I just don't understand this whole thing.

Are there any female INGOers who felt like this in the beginning? Can you tell me, from a woman's perspective what I'm missing?

 

[tv1217]

Sounds like her crazy inhibitor switch is broken, take her into a wifesmith and he should be able to fix that.

 

[JetGirl]

I really feel for ya... and I wish there was a way to introduce your wife to a couple of the women in my family. Especially the one that found a man in her home on Friday.
I'm not saying "frighten her into a way of thinking"...that would be the WORST thing you could do. But I DO wish she could talk to real people with real encounters who have used their experiences to formulate opinions and act on some hard choices.
It's one thing to think "good for them!" when you read stories like the ones posted on TheArmedCitizen (before Clayton Cramer got sued), but it's entirely another to be up close and personal with somebody that has become a believer in self preservation all on their own and can take you step by step through their reasoning.

 

[88GT]

Best of luck, Que!

I don't know you, so don't take anything I say personal. Don't move the guns. This doesn't sound like it is about guns, to me. Sit her down and talk about trust. There are things we are all afraid of, but we must trust our partners implicitly.You will do your best to make the right decisions for your family. She may not always agree, but she should trust your judgment. Besides, if it took 20 years for this to come up, there is something going on.

My wife and I have had this conversation, but not about guns. We have both made decisions the other wouldn't necessarily have made. In the end, even if we still disagree, we have to trust that the other will do what is right for the family.

Or, maybe she just doesn't like your guns

I don't think it's about the guns either. If her familial firearms farces were that troubling to her, she would have brought them up prior to this point. My guess is that it probably wasn't even something she remembered on a conscious level for all those years until something happened to trigger the memory. And when the memory resurfaced, she recognized the opportunity to put more oomph behind her argument. (Mind you, I'm not implying it was a repressed memory for the sake of keeping debilitating trauma behind closed doors. We all have memories that are locked away in the closet recesses of our minds that we forget about until something reminds us of them.)

I second the suggestion not to relocate the firearms. The one exception would be if you thought she'd resort to a domestic charge.

We are practically neighbors, and I know you don't know me from Adam (or would it be Eve in my case ), but if there's anyway I can help, let me know. We could coordinate a "FWAG" (that's female with a gun) sighting at Wally World or something.

In all seriousness, I think there's a deeper issue and the firearms are just a convenient place to park her insecurities so she doesn't have to deal with the real problems.

 

[shooter521]

I used to laugh at guys who couldn't do things because of their wife's nagging. I guess I'm reaping what you sowed.

[Sam Kinneson]
... yeah, she found the spare, too.
[/Sam Kinneson]

I don't know, but it's like she is a different person.

I suspect that her issues actually have very little to do with the guns themselves. I wish you the best of luck in resolving this situation.

 

[IDCC]

My wife tried to pull that BS because her Grandfather had a drunken ND that wounded him years ago. My stance; I am not your Grandfather, I am safe and responsible and will not be held responsible for something he did years ago. Ask her how many friends and family members of hers have been in car accidents? Did she make you get rid of your vehicles afterwards?

 

[ATM]

1. Keep the guns but offer to help her work through her issues with them.

2. Explain that if the guns were gone, her core issues with guns would still remain and likely never be overcome.

3. Tell her that you love her much more than to ever cause that.



Then, of course...

4. Do what you feel you need to do regardless of whether she buys into 1-3.

 

[stilllearning09]

Hey Que, another female view point...it sounds like her fears go far deeper than what you can tell us here. Here's my thought, the next INGO meet and greet to eat, bring your wife. Have her meet us - we aren't THAT scary. Introduce her to spouses and family of the members. We have a common connection, one that binds us as a group. Have her talk to INGOers (especially us female folk) in a non-threatening environment.
That may ease the first part or layer of her fears so that she would eventually be open to the next step - learning about firearms. Knowledge is power, and the more she knows about safely handling guns, especially where are you are coming from, the better it will be for both of you. Best of luck to both of you, but in all seriousness, I would not relinquish my guns to a friend's house. You both would have too much to lose.