The Road Home

[tom1025]

 

[NathanJefferson]

www.abundantfuture.net

 

[NathanJefferson]

www.abundantfuture.net

 

[flagtag]

Thank you for this. Looking forward to the next.

 

[Cozy439]

WELL DONE. Very well done.

 

[NathanJefferson]

www.abundantfuture.net

 

[flagtag]

I like the original. We can picture the "outcome" of the person who didn't move. "Blooding" it up only sensationalizes it and detracts from the image one should get, I think. (Excessive "gore" is why I don't watch many movies - it takes FROM the plot.)

Please don't change it.

 

[NathanJefferson]

www.abundantfuture.net

 

[RedCell]

For your first question, IMHO, I think it leaves the details to the reader to imagine, which is the reason for reading vs watching.

As for the second question, I have been wondering when a second story line would be included. Most fiction that I have read have multiple (two to three, sometimes up to four) main characters that converge at one point or another. If you are going to do it, better do it soon, it's going to be hard for future readers to get this far into it then "rewind" to the start of the action and follow it through again.


EDIT
I haven't said it yet, but your writing has been very good thus far! Both the story and the structure of your writing is very creative and functional.

 

[RobbyMaQ]

I think it might have been cool if in that chapter, he started off trying to sleep, but couldn't... and then 'went back in time' to reflect about what had happened... sort of set it up or something.
Only because, I recall when reading that segment, that out of the blue he hit someone. I had to go back and re-read it... not like a shock factor, but more of a 'did I miss something earlier? when did this happen'

 

[Bucky623]

Question: How did you all like this paragraph? I'm still on the fence about it. Should I leave it as is or put in a little more detail of how blood splattered on the front of the truck and he felt the bumps as his tires rolled over him going 60mph and blah blah blah.

I kind of like it either way - as it is currently I think it lest you picture what happens, or I can describe it more... hmm...

Thoughts?

Tell enough for us to get the idea of what happened then the imagination will fill in the blanks.


Kind of like a scene from “Time Bandits”. A bad guy from the old west shot the chopper pilot as he was taking off. The chopper drops back to the ground and you hear what sounds like a saw blade. In the next shot all you see is a pair of cowboy boots with the tops shredded. Mr. Bandit didn’t make back to the old west.

 

[NathanJefferson]

Thanks everyone for the feedback! I'm packing up to head back to Indiana but I'll have another chapter up before the end of the weekend!

 

[NathanJefferson]

www.abundantfuture.net

 

[flagtag]

Thank you for the "news" from the "other front". It blends the story together. (And shows what he is working to get home for.)

 

[9mmfan]

Nice job sir! Nice way to bring us into whats happening 'at home'.

 

[NathanJefferson]

Just slightly hungover (mostly from being up 3x with the baby!!!) but should still have another installment later today!

Happy New Years!

 

[SouthernIndy]

A very good read, Thanks

 

[NathanJefferson]

www.abundantfuture.net

 

[flagtag]

Thank you.

 

[Johnny C]

This story is excellent!
I just hope it doesnt peter off like the other stories have...