Thoughts on who inherits what.

[churchmouse]

My father-in-law has purchased at $15-20k worth of guns and ammo over the past 2 years and recently told me he didn't want to make up a will because he doesn't want the 5 kids fighting over the guns.

He also has three houses in his name and he and his sister share ownership of their mother's house. She died more than 15 years ago but he and his sister won't speak to each other, so the house is just rotting away with all the stuff still inside.

It's gonna be a nightmare to work through everything when he goes.

That is just insane and a waste of assets.

 

[7.62asprin]

Put mine on the funeral pyre with me. I'm taking them to Valhalla.

 

[spec4]

Great comments folks, keep them coming. I am very blessed that my daughters both married fine guys and I would be proud to have each of them as a son. To answer a prior post, I am somewhat reluctant to specify exactly what I have. Don't have a whole lot, but they are all quality pieces, no junk. One is a nickel plated Colt .45 Peacemaker that has never been fired. Everyone's eyes light up when I bring it out. How the heck do you decide who gets that one? Maybe the next time we are all together I'll ask for their thoughts. Several years ago I told one SIL that we live conservatively and there should be plenty left over when we're gone. His response was we should spend it now and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Like I say, I'm very blessed with my family. The only real drama we get is on TV.

 

[ModernGunner]

IANAL - That said, leaving it to others can create irreconcilable animosities between family members.

Look into the possibility of creating trusts, and making who YOU choose the subsequent beneficiary(ies) of those trusts. Do NOT put / add one of the children (even the Executor, called "Personal Representative" in Indiana) as an 'add-on' to things like bank accounts and other financial assets. That person could then claim that bank account / asset belongs solely to them once you're (and your wife) are gone, even though Indiana probate law states otherwise.

Do NOT co-mingle bank accounts / financial assets with ANY of the divisees (beneficiaries). That person could then claim ALL of that account / asset belongs to them, even though IN probate law states otherwise, and it's not what you may want.

Keep in mind that, even though you may designate an Executor, the other beneficiaries must agree with that decision, in writing. This is not a 'choice', Indiana probate law requires it. Each of those involved have a say, and must sign an agreement to who that Executor will be.

The Executor MUST be 'even-handed', even if they 'don't like' one (or more) of the other beneficiaries. And especially so if the Executor IS one of the beneficiaries. The Executor doesn't have 'all the power', a common misconception and something that all too often happens when one of the beneficiaries is designated as Executor.

Leaving a list is only meaningful IF it's been well documented, notarized, and distributed to all parties concerned beforehand. Even then, IF that 'list' is old (notarized years previously), it could be meaningless. So, it must be regularly 're-notarized' to be 'valid'.

Even though it may 'feel' like ya 'don't have much', you might be surprised what people (beneficiaries) will 'fight' over. Even small stuff: a handgun, a vase, a book.

Do it now, be thorough, and update ('re-notarize') regularly. Yearly, or at least every 2 years (or so), IMO. Consider putting items in trusts, and designating the subsequent beneficiaries, so when you shuffle off this mortal coil, those designees become the 'immediate owner' of that particular item.

 

[Hardscrable]

If any of you child-less INGOers are looking for a willed recipient for your firearms... I know a guy. Ahem.

I was waiting to see who would make the offer...knew someone would. Had a couple guys in my gun club start calling me Dad & Uncle _______ .

 

[CHCRandy]

Great comments folks, keep them coming. I am very blessed that my daughters both married fine guys and I would be proud to have each of them as a son. To answer a prior post, I am somewhat reluctant to specify exactly what I have. Don't have a whole lot, but they are all quality pieces, no junk. One is a nickel plated Colt .45 Peacemaker that has never been fired. Everyone's eyes light up when I bring it out. How the heck do you decide who gets that one? Maybe the next time we are all together I'll ask for their thoughts. Several years ago I told one SIL that we live conservatively and there should be plenty left over when we're gone. His response was we should spend it now and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Like I say, I'm very blessed with my family. The only real drama we get is on TV.

Maybe next time you are all together you could just pull a few out....see which eyes get the biggest sparkle, who shows interest and who just don't care.

 

[Hardscrable]

Dying suddenly is a blessing. Imagine those who go through extended illnesses and hospital stays. Not only is it exhausting for the family, but financially exhausting for the decedent's estate. Your assets need to be sheltered in trusts, life policies, etc. that pass to the beneficiaries outside the probate process and outside the reach of potential creditors like hospitals, doctors, etc. Personal property technically can be sold in order to satisfy debts of the decedent before passing to heirs. Don't just make a list. I don't think Indiana recognizes holographic (handwritten) wills and if it is contested it would fail. The best thing you can do is consult an attorney and set up a trust. Lots of positives to it..assets are protected and will pass to your beneficiaries ....and you can get NFA items

Agreed. have went thru loved ones dying suddenly as well as extended & prolonged - it is truly mentally and physically draining for the family/caregivers - I would not wish it on my worst enemy. As we own a wide, extensive variety of assets, properties, etc. an estate plan, 3 trusts, etc. are in place. However they need to be updated & kept current as things keep changing. It is of utmost importance to have qualified, trusted people in place to handle your estate/affairs. Some things such as long term rental contracts, etc. have to be dealt with over a much longer timeline ( as in years vs. months ) than simple estates. Compensation, charges etc. also need to be established in advance.

 

[Indy_Guy_77]

The Executor MUST be 'even-handed', even if they 'don't like' one (or more) of the other beneficiaries. And especially so if the Executor IS one of the beneficiaries. The Executor doesn't have 'all the power', a common misconception and something that all too often happens when one of the beneficiaries is designated as Executor.

in my example above of my wife's granfather - he wanted to list just one of his step-grand children as executor because he's by far physically the closest. He refused to do it unless his bio-daughter (several hundred miles away) was also names as co-executor. There was no way that he was going to put himself in the situation to be accused of misappropriation of any of those estate assets. Man - that's gonna be nasty when he passes. *sigh*

I was waiting to see who would make the offer...knew someone would. Had a couple guys in my gun club start calling me Dad & Uncle _______ .

I jest... But not too long ago on Glock Talk, a guy did, in fact, seek out a beneficiary to his considerable collection. He did it in fine health and I still believe he's alive. It was totally legit. They met, got to know one another, had the guy's lawyer involved & the whole shebang.

 

[hoosierdoc]

One of my goals is to buy my daughters first house but as long as there is the potential of marriage, the house will have to remain in my name. Not donating half the value to a douche bag. This is the problem I have with marriage.​

I suggest you consider changing your goal then. Is the desire for her to not have a mortgage? I obviously don't know your family, but having her live in a house in your name might seem rather intrusive to her marriage and cause boundary issues and resentment that may not have been there otherwise.

If she marries him, she won't think he's a DB. If you control ownership of a "gift", it can/will cause issues.

 

[IndyDave1776]

I suggest you consider changing your goal then. Is the desire for her to not have a mortgage? I obviously don't know your family, but having her live in a house in your name might seem rather intrusive to her marriage and cause boundary issues and resentment that may not have been there otherwise.

If she marries him, she won't think he's a DB. If you control ownership of a "gift", it can/will cause issues.

Just adjust the packaging a little. Free use of a house is a good enough gift, isn't it?

 

[hoosierdoc]

"good enough" is in the eye of the beholder

If my first home was owned by my FIL And I wanted to do a repair or change something it would be rather emasculating if I had to get approval from him, or especially if he disallowed me to do it.

 

[IndyDave1776]

"good enough" is in the eye of the beholder

If my first home was owned by my FIL And I wanted to do a repair or change something it would be rather emasculating if I had to get approval from him, or especially if he disallowed me to do it.

Ordinarily, if that were the concern, I would recommend skipping the house and putting the money back in case she got into a bind or got a divorce and got left with a payment she couldn't afford. Given the rate at which greenback dollars are depreciating, unless he put it in metals, I could not recommend this, given that the relatively liquid investments with the best returns are not much more than breaking even against inflation. It does indeed raise an interesting conundrum. In any event, whatever help he chooses to give and the details thereof are better than simply not helping, even it the help is serving as a backstop in case of difficulty. One also wonders about daughter's choices in men if this is the concern on his mind. I will agree with his disinclination to toss that kind of money into a high-risk relationship if this is the way she trends toward operating.

 

[Cameramonkey]

Asking them what they want now and jotting it down will help. My Grandma did that when we saw the end was near. Post-it notes went on items of sentimental value. For instance I got the coasters that fit into a holder like drawers that I loved playing with as a kid and the thermometer/hygrometer/barometer that hung on the wall, and her antique cast iron skillet since I pretty much carried on her recipes for the family. We didnt have many conflicts doing that.

If you get alot of conflicts (everyone wants the 1911, etc) maybe have them list what they want in order. Ones that only have one "new owner" (Only Bob wants the antique SxS, only Bill wants the 870,etc) are a slam dunk. the rest can be determined by how high each one is on the want list. e.g. Bob lists the 1911 as #1 and Bill lists it as #2 on their lists. Bob gets it. While it may not eliminate conflicts, it can get the easy ones out of the way first so you have less to consider while sorting out the conflicts.

How can on go about leaving something to their child and prevent their spouse from ending up with it?

Let's say you leave your married child a nice sum of money and shortly thereafter, their spouse divorces them. What's to keep them from running off with half the money?

In Indiana, you cant. Community property state. (one of the resident lawyers could correct me but thats my understanding)

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

Just adjust the packaging a little. Free use of a house is a good enough gift, isn't it?

If it has strings, then it really isn't a gift, is it?

 

[hornadylnl]

I suggest you consider changing your goal then. Is the desire for her to not have a mortgage? I obviously don't know your family, but having her live in a house in your name might seem rather intrusive to her marriage and cause boundary issues and resentment that may not have been there otherwise.

If she marries him, she won't think he's a DB. If you control ownership of a "gift", it can/will cause issues.

My desire is for not to have a mortgage. Imagine how much easier life would be if you're a young family with children and not having to make a mortgage or rent payment. Imagine never having to pay nearly double the cost of your house in principle and interest.

I'm hesitant to have it in my name because I don't want the strings attached. She's only 12 so the choice in men is an unknown at this point. But I want to protect her from losing it.

My current house is in my name only and my wife wasn't thrilled about it. Not that it makes any difference should she divorce me. I asked her what she would think if she inherited a sum of money from her family, we divorced, I took half and remarried, would she want another woman and her kids to end up with her family's money? She seemed to understand.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

My desire is for not to have a mortgage. Imagine how much easier life would be if you're a young family with children and not having to make a mortgage or rent payment. Imagine never having to pay nearly double the cost of your house in principle and interest.

I'm hesitant to have it in my name because I don't want the strings attached. She's only 12 so the choice in men is an unknown at this point. But I want to protect her from losing it.

My current house is in my name only and my wife wasn't thrilled about it. Not that it makes any difference should she divorce me. I asked her what she would think if she inherited a sum of money from her family, we divorced, I took half and remarried, would she want another woman and her kids to end up with her family's money? She seemed to understand.

My daughter is 27 and recently engaged (first marriage). The best way to protect your daughter is to let her know that she's the apple of your eye, and that there is nothing that she can't do, if she's willing to work for it. You have a few years to decide the best way to help her financially.

 

[IndyDave1776]

If it has strings, then it really isn't a gift, is it?

It depends upon what is being presented as a gift. Giving free use of one's property as long as someone cares to use it is perfectly acceptable. Giving the property to someone is acceptable. Your scenario would seem to be something along the lines of transferring ownership with a list of terms and conditions.

 

[hornadylnl]

I won't be buying her anything unless I know she's mature and responsible enough to take care of it.

In a few years, I plan to sit her down and explain what her options are. Stay off of drugs, booze, don't get knocked up and work her tail off towards a career, the options will be much greater. Hate the thought of bribing my child but...

 

[hoosierdoc]

incentives are not bribes

 

[hornadylnl]

incentives are not bribes

I just see too many people who sit on hundreds of thousands of dollars to leave to their children and won't spend a penny on themselves. If that is the intent, why not do it when it can do the most good?