Thoughts on who inherits what.

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I just see too many people who sit on hundreds of thousands of dollars to leave to their children and won't spend a penny on themselves. If that is the intent, why not do it when it can do the most good?

It's your money.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

incentives are not bribes

I hear that and I agree.

I'm not a rich man by any means and I paid for both my kids under-grad college, and both went on to get further degrees. I'm very proud of them for their accomplishments, but I put no conditions on grades or anything, I just told them I'd pay for four years of college and they both took good advantage of that. I know I'm more than fortunate with my kids, but when I really think about it, though my advice is welcome and appreciated, I realize that the limits of my actual ability to control them had started to greatly diminish well back in their teen years.

 

[Brandon]

My parents have both had these conversations with me in the past year or so. I know what my mom wants to have happen and I am ok with it. My dad has asked what I would want and why.

 

[hoosierdoc]

Just be sure to use the IRS form for tax-free gifting as part of your lifetime transfer thing so there's no gift tax if you're still alive. I think people keep the $$$ until they die because they don't understand transfers can be done tax-free, and they're nervous about not having enough left at the end. Probably some greed involved too.

I agree with your intention. Why not transfer some early and watch them enjoy it.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

incentives are not bribes

Is that what Kirk told you to tell the judge?

But seriously, when my dad started to get more than a little senile, I was elected to go to the house and collect all the guns (yeah, lucky me getting to be the bad guy). After he died a couple years later, my brothers and I divided them up very amicably. It was fairly easy, since we all knew which guns he wanted each of us to have.

 

[Kirk Freeman]

Is that what Kirk told you to tell the judge?

I object.

 

[hoosierdoc]

I object.

wait, I thought women are objects...

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

I object.

 

[CountryBoy19]

How can on go about leaving something to their child and prevent their spouse from ending up with it?

Let's say you leave your married child a nice sum of money and shortly thereafter, their spouse divorces them. What's to keep them from running off with half the money?

As already stated, the best way to do this is as follows. If you plan to maintain control of the asset while you're alive, but you want to protect it from a spouse of the beneficiary then you need 2 trusts. Place the asset in a trust owned & controlled by you. Make the prime beneficiary the trust you set up for your daughter and controlled (trustee) by your designated person. That house will be owned by the trust, your daughter lives in it, but I don't believe it would be open to settlement in a divorce...

 

[DarkRose]

My dad has a list on his computer and also backed up elsewhere of all the guns he owns and who they go to (me, my sis, or my son). He's basically asked me and my sis what we wanted or which ones we didn't care about, and everything is accounted for. I believe the list is also on file with his will.

My grandfather passed and there was supposedly a list. There was 4 or 5 guns on it out of... more than 4 or 5... It's caused a few headaches, but I did finally get the two that had significance to me.

 

[Expat]

It depends upon what is being presented as a gift. Giving free use of one's property as long as someone cares to use it is perfectly acceptable. Giving the property to someone is acceptable. Your scenario would seem to be something along the lines of transferring ownership with a list of terms and conditions.

I can see it causing a lot of issues. If I was the husband, I can see saying to the wife, it's your dad's house let him mow the lawn. It's your dad's house let him calk the windows. It's your dad's house let him dig up the dead bush, paint the house, etc... you know how it is when you are arguing, stuff like that becomes ammo to be used against your spouse.

 

[churchmouse]

I can see it causing a lot of issues. If I was the husband, I can see saying to the wife, it's your dad's house let him mow the lawn. It's your dad's house let him calk the windows. It's your dad's house let him dig up the dead bush, paint the house, etc... you know how it is when you are arguing, stuff like that becomes ammo to be used against your spouse.

I have to agree that some butt heads would do/say this. Depends on what their character or lack of contains.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I can see it causing a lot of issues. If I was the husband, I can see saying to the wife, it's your dad's house let him mow the lawn. It's your dad's house let him calk the windows. It's your dad's house let him dig up the dead bush, paint the house, etc... you know how it is when you are arguing, stuff like that becomes ammo to be used against your spouse.

I have to agree that some butt heads would do/say this. Depends on what their character or lack of contains.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be beholding to my parents or my wife's parents for anything. Say I married a young lady who already "owned" her own house and I did not. It would probably be natural that in many cases, the new husband would simply move in and begin building a life. But if that home was actually owned by the parents -- nah...maybe long enough to get up on your feet but for the long haul...nope.

 

[churchmouse]

Personally, I wouldn't want to be beholding to my parents or my wife's parents for anything. Say I married a young lady who already "owned" her own house and I did not. It would probably be natural that in many cases, the new husband would simply move in and begin building a life. But if that home was actually owned by the parents -- nah...maybe long enough to get up on your feet but for the long haul...nope.

My friend, that is the mind set of someone who is self sufficient. It is my mind set as well. Heck, the wife and I rented out 1st house until I cleared up my issues from divorce and then we bought it. It was a turd when we moved in but we fixed it up on our own nickel. Pretty nice place when we bought it. So many young folks today take these things for granted.
My Son and Daughter early on nearly strapped themselves with anchors. People that would not care where it came from or how just as long as it was there for them. Seems to be more the norm these days.

 

[hornadylnl]

Personally, I wouldn't want to be beholding to my parents or my wife's parents for anything. Say I married a young lady who already "owned" her own house and I did not. It would probably be natural that in many cases, the new husband would simply move in and begin building a life. But if that home was actually owned by the parents -- nah...maybe long enough to get up on your feet but for the long haul...nope.

If you were single and owned a house outright or had a sizeable equity in it, would you get married without a prenup? I sure as hell wouldn't.

 

[churchmouse]

If you were single and owned a house outright or had a sizeable equity in it, would you get married without a prenup? I sure as hell wouldn't.

Good point. But....a pre-nuptial agreement might be a sticking point for some people even the good ones. Matter of trust.
I can only say that after 2 failures in marriage (poor decision making on my part) that I found a good partner this time around. I trust her with everything as I know she would get it all anyway......

 

[hoosierdoc]

If it were just a house, yes. If it were a few million dollars, maybe, maybe not. If you're chosing to marry the person, you are joining lives with them. Assets are part of that life. If there is a massive difference in net worth it may be reasonable, but to say to someone you love them and want to be with them forever, but they don't get the rights to some of your stuff seems odd to me.

 

[hornadylnl]

If it were just a house, yes. If it were a few million dollars, maybe, maybe not. If you're chosing to marry the person, you are joining lives with them. Assets are part of that life. If there is a massive difference in net worth it may be reasonable, but to say to someone you love them and want to be with them forever, but they don't get the rights to some of your stuff seems odd to me.

Being entitled to half of someone's stuff for the simple act of marrying them seems odd to me.

I've heard about med students getting married so their spouses can work to pay for school or greatly reduce the debt load. Once they're out, they get divorced with only half the debt load or a free education.

 

[churchmouse]

If it were just a house, yes. If it were a few million dollars, maybe, maybe not. If you're chosing to marry the person, you are joining lives with them. Assets are part of that life. If there is a massive difference in net worth it may be reasonable, but to say to someone you love them and want to be with them forever, but they don't get the rights to some of your stuff seems odd to me.

Having lost most or all of my "Stuff" twice through divorce I have become nub to that pain. I have lost a house/property/business in one and all of my possessions in the 2nd. As stated, poor choices. See AllenM's crazy matrix post. Explains it all.
That said, when I found and married my currant spouse (coming on 34 yrs.) I did not have much to loose and everything to gain.
Thread is wondering a bit from the original question but good points. We all want to protect what we have worked so hard and long to obtain.

 

[hoosierdoc]

Being entitled to half of someone's stuff for the simple act of marrying them seems odd to me.

I've heard about med students getting married so their spouses can work to pay for school or greatly reduce the debt load. Once they're out, they get divorced with only half the debt load or a free education.

I considered that but her dental school loans ended up being more than mine

there are users/abusers in every interaction. Such is life sometimes