"We don't have guns in our house" parents of daughter's friend....

[Hoosier8]

My 14 yr old daughter Mary has a new friend at school the past few months; I've seen the girl (Jane) at school but not met her parents and vice-versa. My daughter told me the two girls made plans for Mary to go to Janes house today and spend the night. So I emailed the other mom last night, stating that Mary had told me of the plans and verifying it was what Jane's family wanted, when I could drop her off, pick her up, etc.

She replied :

"
I hear a lot about Mary from Jane, also. They seem to have a lot in common!


Feel free to bring Mary over before 10 am. I will be at work for part of the day, but I am sure the girls will be fine. Are you aware that they want to dye their hair? Is that OK with you?


I am guessing they will spend the day playing on the computer and coloring hair. I figured we’d have pizza for dinner tonight. Picking Mary up at noon on Saturday is just fine.


In case you are wondering:
We have two cats, no dogs.
There are no guns in our house (We are not native hoosiers :-))
We do have some liquor, but we keep it locked up.


Have a great day!




So.... I appreciate that she tried to hit on a few high points that might be parental concern. I've never actually asked parents questions like that because I figure once I've entrusted them to have my kid, or trusted my kid to go there, the micromanagement is past. In this case, I know that most of the parents at this school are involved parents, I googled them for any obvious weirdness or background issues, and I chose to give Mary the freedom to go there. But I understand her issues; rumor has it her oldest daughter got caught taking alcohol to school once. That explains the "locked liquor" and I can't judge her as a parent for that. My kids haven't done "liquor" yet but well.... I was a teenager once.

All of that might have seemed somewhat normal if not for the obvious statement about Indiana gun owners. I wondered for a moment if I was interpreting it correctly. I'll just say that her Facebook page has likes of Obama, Democrats, etc so I think it likely was a slam on gun owners.

My reply was simply "thank you for the information and I'll see you in the morning."

I've been having fun all day imagining all of the replies I DIDNT send like:
- I'm not a Hoosier either, but thankfully I got away from those Illinois politics.
-oh. You drink and don't have guns? Can't be Kentucky then. Are you from California? Jersey? Chicago?


- Don't look at my facebook page. You'll be upset.


- I'm sorry. Do you want me to recommend a gun store and instructor to get you started?


- Thank you for the information. And for that glimpse into your politics



but I think I settled on "our guns are secure but our liquor isn't"



Aside from all that, I'll have to decide what to tell her before her daughter inevitably comes to our house. She's making it clear the gun issue is important to her, so I'm going to be sure they know we have guns. I'd prefer not to disclose that I carry, but if I just say "all of our guns are secure" a non-gun person may interpret that as "locked up". If her daughter sees my gun and tells her mom, then they may feel I was less than honest.

The best I can come up with is "Because we live in a rural area, it's very possible Jane might see some guns or hear some target shooting or hunting. Our guns are either in a secure safe or on our persons at all times."

As an aside, I don't know if the unlocked liquor will bother her or not. I don't have a locking cabinet for it and because we have purchased but rarely drink the hard liquor, there are multiple open bottles of different kind of booze someone could probably find if they looked hard enough.

Anyone else have a specific suggestion of how you describe your "gun" situation to other parents?

Sounds like a nice family just the same, just trying to quell any fears you might have based on their own biases.

I can see the same letter from my daughter.

In case you are wondering:
We have three cats, no dogs.
There are two guns in our house, a .38 and an AR-15 and one in the car, a .380. (We are native hoosiers :-))
We do have some liquor, but we keep it on a shelf.

 

[ModernGunner]

In case you are wondering:

There are no guns in our house (We are not native hoosiers :-))...

I'll just say that her Facebook page has likes of Obama, Democrats, etc so I think it likely was a slam on gun owners...

Ah, maybe you should've responded with something like:

"I took the opportunity to check out your Facebook. We're not 'native Illinoisans or libtard flunkies, so we're not on welfare, don't have free cell phones, and teach our children to work for what they want instead of demanding gubmint handouts."

Afterall, libtard loons typically only understand libtard lunacy.

 

[dusty88]

Ah, maybe you should've responded with something like:

"I took the opportunity to check out your Facebook. We're not 'native Illinoisans or libtard flunkies, so we're not on welfare, don't have free cell phones, and teach our children to work for what they want instead of demanding gubmint handouts."

Afterall, libtard loons typically only understand libtard lunacy.

Judging from the parents' career titles and their home, I'd say they definitely aren't on welfare. Wealthy liberals are sometimes the anti-gun folks though.

Remember "Everytown" had a campaign a few months ago called "ASK" which encouraged parents to ask other families about guns and gun storage where their children go to play. I don't remember them emphasizing that you check for smoke alarms, check the parents' driving records, brakes on their car, etc.

I guess time will tell, if this girl visits us, exactly how the mom approaches the issue and how she responds to my answers.

I'm getting all of the potential snark out of my system so that I can give more useful answers when the time comes.

 

[bradmedic04]

I've had the topic come up with other parents. My response has always been that my guns are either secured in a safe, or tucked in a holster on my or my wife's body at all times. No problem thus far, and I don't mind the question at all.

 

[ModernGunner]

Judging from the parents' career titles and their home, I'd say they definitely aren't on welfare...

Well, if they're 'good' job titles and a 'really' nice home, my observation may be closer than you think!

Might be surprised who gets 'government subsidies' nowadays!

For many (not saying these folks, of course) 'appearance over substance' seems to be the concept. Saw this 'concept' amply displayed in some pretty 'well-to-do' areas of this country. It was a real eye-opener!

 

[yote hunter]

Do you think she would know where you stand if she seen this in the back window and on the front plate of your truck ? I have them both on my truck so people have no need to ask.... She may not even know what it means, but she will after she gets home and googles it.... lmao

 

[bwframe]

Whew, interesting read. Makes me happy my girls are now adults with kids of their own.

Guess I'm just an old paranoid fuddy-duddy, but I wouldn't feel good about my 14yo daughter's first visit to an unfamiliar home being even partially unsupervised. The "rumored" older problem child just adds to the uneasiness along with the "but I am sure the girls will be fine" comment from the mother.

 

[Cemetery-man]

Just tell them that since they cannot properly protect your child (no guns), she can't stay there. Period.

 

[KittySlayer]

Don't ask, don't tell.

Being a teenager and dealing with developing good friendships is already filled with enough challenges before having to deal with anyone's parents. If you have done your job right the first 14 years then Mary will deal with the issue. You wont to open Jane's parents minds with anything you say. Mary and Jane talking to each other, developing their own individual beliefs from their parents guidance along with input from their peers is what will open Mary and Jane's eyes. If guns come up later and Mary has talked with Jane then Jane is the one in the position to influence her parents, not you.

Do your job as a parent, put your kid in safe situations but let her learn her own way through life with your influence helping guide her individual decisions.

 

[looney2ns]

My children aren't staying at anybody's home if I don't have a relationship with the parents.

Exactly the way it was when I was growing up.

 

[j4jenk]

Since both of my girls accompany me to the range, occasionally with friends. I'll usually ask the parents something like this, "Jen has invited several of her other to go to the range with us in the past. If Suzy wants to go with her sometime, how much training will she need beforehand? I only ask, because some her other friends had never held a real gun before and needed s lot of training. Some of their parents hadn't either, but really enjoyed it once they learned how to shoot safely."

This usually leads to all kinds of questions, but it is a sure way to the break the ice about you being a gun owner without having to sound defensive.

 

[scootn103]

I never volunteer information , what you have in your house is your business.

 

[halfmileharry]

My kids were and are well versed and acquainted with guns. They are/were some of the best 2A ambassadors around. They knew the rules and no matter where they were I could depend on them to always do the correct things. I must give most of the credit to my EX wife for raising good kids while I was tromping around the world with a rifle. She did a good job even though she wasn't really a gun person. IF SHTF would have hit home she knew how to handle things though.
I'm not ashamed of who and what I am but I don't go around advertising either. Your kids will make their own decisions as they mature. It's up to the parent to steer them to acceptable environments as they grow.

 

[stephen87]

I just took away from it that she was volunteering information, as someone else above posted, shes probably been asked before. I wouldn't feel offended by her statement, or say anything to her about it unless she pushes the issue. I felt that her comment about not being native hoosiers was maybe just her way of acknowledging that a lot of us have guns, or, maybe she has heard you DO have guns in your home. If so, doesn't seem she has much problem with it if she lets her daughter hang around with yours.

My sentiments exactly. I don't think it was a dig at all, more of a "I know Hoosiers like their guns, but I don't have any. Yet."


Sorry I just need my quality posts, so that is all.

 

[dusty88]

My sentiments exactly. I don't think it was a dig at all, more of a "I know Hoosiers like their guns, but I don't have any. Yet."


Sorry I just need my quality posts, so that is all.

That remains to be seen; at this point I'm curious of what she meant as much as anything. I chatted with her briefly while picking up my daughter. She's lived in Indiana for over 20 years, so it's not like they just came from liberal land. My "read" on the Hoosier comment was that it makes a distinction between "us" and "them". It also very much fit the pattern of the "ask" campaign that MDA made a few months ago.

However, I have met several people in recent years either through work or school that have started out in a position of being unsure and afraid of guns, perhaps not anti-gun in their own mind but you know suspicious of things like concealed carry, assault rifles, etc. They've adjusted their views a lot by slow exposure.

Another mom from the same school was riding with me on a field trip. When she asked a casual "what are you doing this weekend" and I answered with "trying out my new pistol!" she had this momentary shocked face, dropped-jaw look before she caught herself and adjusted. She has never asked me about guns but her daughter has stayed at our house repeatedly since then. I presume she views that issue the way I do: if you choose to trust your daughter and the environment together, you can't micro-manage everything. Her daughter has been here when the neighbors target shoot. The first time she jumped and looked up, then looked at all of us going about our business, and went back to her activity. We generally try not to get the guns out when other kids are visiting. The exception being if it is hunting season, they'll see us going in and out the door with the long guns. Whether or not they notice me carrying depends on what clothing I am wearing and how observant they are.

I appreciate the advice to not volunteer the information. I don't know EXACTLY what the mom would want to know anyway, so it's a good point to just wait and see what their concerns are. If they are curious, we may of course offer them an introduction to shooting. I won't teach another person's kid anything about guns unless the parent is there. I'm not an instructor and most of all I don't want to interfere with whatever their family decision is on that matter.

 

[KittySlayer]

I don't know EXACTLY what the mom would want to know anyway...

Maybe she's a frustrated MDA mom and is curious to find out what caliber you're packing.