"We don't have guns in our house" parents of daughter's friend....

[dusty88]

My 14 yr old daughter Mary has a new friend at school the past few months; I've seen the girl (Jane) at school but not met her parents and vice-versa. My daughter told me the two girls made plans for Mary to go to Janes house today and spend the night. So I emailed the other mom last night, stating that Mary had told me of the plans and verifying it was what Jane's family wanted, when I could drop her off, pick her up, etc.

She replied :

"
I hear a lot about Mary from Jane, also. They seem to have a lot in common!


Feel free to bring Mary over before 10 am. I will be at work for part of the day, but I am sure the girls will be fine. Are you aware that they want to dye their hair? Is that OK with you?


I am guessing they will spend the day playing on the computer and coloring hair. I figured we’d have pizza for dinner tonight. Picking Mary up at noon on Saturday is just fine.


In case you are wondering:
We have two cats, no dogs.
There are no guns in our house (We are not native hoosiers :-))
We do have some liquor, but we keep it locked up.


Have a great day!




So.... I appreciate that she tried to hit on a few high points that might be parental concern. I've never actually asked parents questions like that because I figure once I've entrusted them to have my kid, or trusted my kid to go there, the micromanagement is past. In this case, I know that most of the parents at this school are involved parents, I googled them for any obvious weirdness or background issues, and I chose to give Mary the freedom to go there. But I understand her issues; rumor has it her oldest daughter got caught taking alcohol to school once. That explains the "locked liquor" and I can't judge her as a parent for that. My kids haven't done "liquor" yet but well.... I was a teenager once.

All of that might have seemed somewhat normal if not for the obvious statement about Indiana gun owners. I wondered for a moment if I was interpreting it correctly. I'll just say that her Facebook page has likes of Obama, Democrats, etc so I think it likely was a slam on gun owners.

My reply was simply "thank you for the information and I'll see you in the morning."

I've been having fun all day imagining all of the replies I DIDNT send like:
- I'm not a Hoosier either, but thankfully I got away from those Illinois politics.
-oh. You drink and don't have guns? Can't be Kentucky then. Are you from California? Jersey? Chicago?


- Don't look at my facebook page. You'll be upset.


- I'm sorry. Do you want me to recommend a gun store and instructor to get you started?


- Thank you for the information. And for that glimpse into your politics



but I think I settled on "our guns are secure but our liquor isn't"



Aside from all that, I'll have to decide what to tell her before her daughter inevitably comes to our house. She's making it clear the gun issue is important to her, so I'm going to be sure they know we have guns. I'd prefer not to disclose that I carry, but if I just say "all of our guns are secure" a non-gun person may interpret that as "locked up". If her daughter sees my gun and tells her mom, then they may feel I was less than honest.

The best I can come up with is "Because we live in a rural area, it's very possible Jane might see some guns or hear some target shooting or hunting. Our guns are either in a secure safe or on our persons at all times."

As an aside, I don't know if the unlocked liquor will bother her or not. I don't have a locking cabinet for it and because we have purchased but rarely drink the hard liquor, there are multiple open bottles of different kind of booze someone could probably find if they looked hard enough.

Anyone else have a specific suggestion of how you describe your "gun" situation to other parents?

 

[hoosierdoc]

Sounds like a nice family. I hope your daughter has fun.

I don't mention it, when my neighbors see me OCing, it's sort of speaks for itself. I would not mention it unless it is directly asked. Do you mention all things inappropriate for children that you have locked up?

 

[ChristianPatriot]

 

[Vigilant]

Send your daughter over with a gun to see if they have anything you want or need! Deep sarcasm purple implied!

 

[17 squirrel]

*

 

[SSGSAD]

Dusty, you can do what you want, but I wouldn't say a word .....

 

[pudly]

.

 

[17 squirrel]

Sounds like a nice family. I hope your daughter has fun.

I don't mention it, when my neighbors see me OCing, it's sort of speaks for itself. I would not mention it unless it is directly asked. Do you mention all things inappropriate for children that you have locked up?

Yep.. Live and let live.. I hope your daughter has fun...

 

[Suprtek]

I'm with HoosierDoc. If they don't ask you directly, why bother volunteering information that you know would cause an issue? You already know your home is safe.

 

[Que]

My children aren't staying at anybody's home if I don't have a relationship with the parents.

 

[dusty88]

Sounds like a nice family. I hope your daughter has fun.

I don't mention it, when my neighbors see me OCing, it's sort of speaks for itself. I would not mention it unless it is directly asked. Do you mention all things inappropriate for children that you have locked up?

No, that's what I'm saying. "I" dont. That reminds me of one of my other "didn't send" replies which was "our guns are secured but we have sharp knives, car keys, power tools, and household chemicals."

I may take the advice not to volunteer anything on the gun issue that isn't asked. I saw it as courteous to respond to things that obviously concern her, but it's a fair point that I could start with any of a hundred "dangers" and there's no reason to start.

Maybe this mom normally doesn't either. She may have felt compelled to start making some basic statements because we had not met before.

My children aren't staying at anybody's home if I don't have a relationship with the parents.

I don't disagree with the concept but it's not as practical, or as necessary IMO, when the kids are older. She's 14. She'll be driving in 2 years. If I'm taking her to a home where I have spoken with the parents, know what the basic plans are for the day, don't know everything about them but can't find an obvious contraindication, send her with her cell phone, etc I think it's a reasonable choice.
I should probably explain that they go to a small private school. While things can happen anywhere by anybody, this school is tiny enough that the teachers know if a kid sneezes. Because of the nature of the school, all of the parents are middle class and very involved with their kids. We also have several mutual friends. Could there be something awful I don't know? Well yeah, but some child molesters and serial killers were thought to be "nice guys" before they were caught and I'm not keeping my kid in a bubble.

 

[Que]

Dusty, I guess I should have explained that a little better. Yes, I don't allow my children to stay at the homes of people I don't really know. That said, if I allow them to stay, then I know if they are the type to leave a gun on the kitchen table. If they are, my children are taught to leave it alone and let an adult know that an unsecure gun is in the home. They know not to bother the property of others, so if that happens, I will certainly correct it. That said, you should not have to worry about locking you liquor or anything else.

So, if they are so worried about guns, they should definitely ask the question before allowing their daughter to come over, but you shouldn't have to "disclose" anything to them.

 

[CHCRandy]

I would show up to pick "Mary" up with 2- 1911's on shoulder holsters, maybe one on the hip and one on the ankle and an AR on your back.......see if Jane's mom gets your sign.

Or you could just ignore her yuppie ways and go on with life......I find myself doing that often. My preacher is kind of anti gun, I don't let it bother me...he knows I have guns and I know he don't like them....we leave it at that, but when/if the SHTF.....I bet a lot of anti gunners will be knocking on the rednecks door. That's just how it is....

 

[Bill of Rights]

It may also be that she knows questions others have asked her, and just volunteers the info. I agree she could be a MdA mommy, but rather than look for the worst, just be ready for it if it happens, and go on about life looking for the best in people.

I think if I was handling this issue today, I'd tell them we don't drink and only have some cooking wine, answer the gun question only if asked, but keep those that are not normally in the safe in there during their child's visit (unless one needed cleaned when I put the others away. ) and advise them that we do have large dogs and they should know that "Shed happens." Don't be surprised if your child comes home with some dog hair; there's a reason it's called "fur" niture.

Also... there are internet sites that allow you to background check people. At this point in my life, I think that's a little creepy to do that, but I don't have children of an age to do sleepovers right now, and I do have a bunch of years seeing some of society's... shall we say, "lower elements". I won't rule that thought out, but I'm not taking up a membership in any of those sites either. Yet.

Blessings,
Bill

 

[nakinate]

The crack she made about "native Hoosiers" seemed more like a dig on Hoosiers to me. She made it sound like she is better than or more sophisticated than a native Hoosier because she doesn't have guns.

On a completely unrelated note. What is their address? I need a new tv...err I mean...nevermind I've said too much.

 

[dusty88]

I would show up to pick "Mary" up with 2- 1911's on shoulder holsters, maybe one on the hip and one on the ankle and an AR on your back.......see if Jane's mom gets her sign.

Or you could just ignore her yuppie ways and go on with life......I find myself doing that often.

Yeah, I just think it's worthwhile to make a reasonable impression while not being intimidated.

I've had situations before wherein someone was shocked to find out I own a gun, or that I carry. But then over the course of time they start asking questions and getting interested in shooting. If you start off with a chip on your shoulder or insist on showing them that you don't care about their concerns, that might be interpreted as crazy, careless, or extremist. That just reinforces their negative views.



.... well that, and the family lives in Zionsville. I had a bad daydream on the way there that I would see Moms Demand signs all over the neighborhood and see Shannon Watts walking down the street.....
(I did BTW practice some good lines to use just in case I met her LOL)

 

[Bill of Rights]

for the Eddie Eagle approach. I also like the idea of telling her that she doesn't have to worry about her belongings because yours have been taught to leave others' things alone, and if something dangerous is found (sharp knife unattended, gun on table, etc.) and noticed...after all, we all know how observant kids are of things we WANT them to be aware of, vs. things we do not!...they know to come get an adult and not touch. Might even tell her that they've been taught the NRA's Eddie Eagle rules don't apply only to found guns.

That would answer the question for her, put in a plug for NRA and gun rights, and also maybe open the conversation. Who knows... you could even find a new shooting buddy for yourself, your wife, or both.

Blessings,
Bill

Dusty, I guess I should have explained that a little better. Yes, I don't allow my children to stay at the homes of people I don't really know. That said, if I allow them to stay, then I know if they are the type to leave a gun on the kitchen table. If they are, my children are taught to leave it alone and let an adult know that an unsecure gun is in the home. They know not to bother the property of others, so if that happens, I will certainly correct it. That said, you should not have to worry about locking you liquor or anything else.

So, if they are so worried about guns, they should definitely ask the question before allowing their daughter to come over, but you shouldn't have to "disclose" anything to them.

 

[littletommy]

I just took away from it that she was volunteering information, as someone else above posted, shes probably been asked before. I wouldn't feel offended by her statement, or say anything to her about it unless she pushes the issue. I felt that her comment about not being native hoosiers was maybe just her way of acknowledging that a lot of us have guns, or, maybe she has heard you DO have guns in your home. If so, doesn't seem she has much problem with it if she lets her daughter hang around with yours.

 

[Bill of Rights]

Yeah, I just think it's worthwhile to make a reasonable impression while not being intimidated.

I've had situations before wherein someone was shocked to find out I own a gun, or that I carry. But then over the course of time they start asking questions and getting interested in shooting. If you start off with a chip on your shoulder or insist on showing them that you don't care about their concerns, that might be interpreted as crazy, careless, or extremist. That just reinforces their negative views.



.... well that, and the family lives in Zionsville. I had a bad daydream on the way there that I would see Moms Demand signs all over the neighborhood and see Shannon Watts walking down the street.....
(I did BTW practice some good lines to use just in case I met her LOL)

*blinkblinkblink* (tone of surprise, possible concern) "Well.... yeaaahhh, I carry...You mean you don't?"

*nod slowly* "Yes, that is a pistol you saw. Not only that, in all the time you've known me, you've never seen me without one. Am I somehow a different person because you now have seen an inanimate object on my side?" (the latter question is sometimes better left for them to come to on their own)

"Mmhmm. Best place for it is in it's holster. Always ready to be used if the kids are in danger, and never unattended."

Those are two of my favorites and one that just came to mind. The latter one probably still needs some "tweaking".

Blessings,
Bill

 

[hornadylnl]

Don't homeschool your kids because they won't have proper social interaction.

Don't expose your kids to other people because they may believe differently than you.