funniest thing wife/GF said?

[LegatoRedrivers]

Very short relationship with an ex, over at her place:

"Would you mind leaving your gun on top of the refridgerator? I don't want my cat to play with it and shoot herself."

 

[jve153]

not quite something said, but discussed. my gf loves shooting my ar, and i am a much more accomplished "performance driver" than she is, the agreement is that i drive, she shoots.

 

[Valvestate]

Take it outside.

To get back on topic, when I was proposing to my wife, we went for a walk on campus (she was still in college at the time) I gave the long speech, etc., when I go into my coat pocket to get the ring, she hits me with this whopper:

"You're not going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?!"

Yeah, she facepalmed herself right after that. She said yes, but maintains to this day she had no idea what she was saying.

She probably thought you were going to propose with a spent .50ae casing cut into a ring.

 

[Light]

"When the zombies come I get the AK, you get the .22, right?"

 

[3badkids]

My Ex wife (she's a blonde) takes our daughter, her friend and her two kids to the "High School Musical" on ice show at Conseco a few years ago

I get a call that night and it's my wife saying

"Honey the Van, there's something wrong with it!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well...ever since I left the parking garage it's hard to steer and it's running really rough. There's all this noise too. I think somethings broke"

"Where you at?"

"I'm almost home now I'm calling so you can come out and see"

As I put on my shoes and jacket you can just imagine all the things I'm thinking it could be and I'm kind of thinking "What now?" as I have had some problems with it.

So I hear the garage door go up and head out to investigate.

"HOLY **** ! YOU'VE GOT A F&*KING FLAT TIRE !" I scream at her.

"Does the van leaning to one side indicate anything for you?"

"No, I didn't notice it and Tammy (her friend) couldn't tell it either" (she's a blonde too)

"So you drive all the way from Conseco to Tammy's house and then home (on the highway too) on a flat tire! As I'm looking at a front right tire that is shredded and down to the rim!

"WELL TWO BLONDES DON"T MAKE A RIGHT! "

 

[Eskion]

"Why do you need more than one?" I hear that a lot