How soon is too soon?

[thunderchicken]

In law, not blood relative.
Hell, i'd put an ad on Craigslist to get rid of her.

LMAO! I actually told my wife we should do that

 

[Trigger Time]

Lol. No but she isn't hard on the eyes, I will give her that. She has kept her dancer figure from her 20s

I need a new housekeeper

 

[jagee]

I need a new housekeeper

We could probably use a nanny...how is she around kids?

 

[KittySlayer]

If I understood you correctly; she shacks up with guys, exchanging sex for residency, or she relies on friends and family to put her up for free, but she thinks a job is beneath her?

I'm sure you realize how nonsensical that is and that the real problem is that she doesn't want to be responsible for herself.

We have had the same problem with our daughter, being rather slow to grow up and take responsibility for herself. (25 is the new 18)

The thing that finally worked for us is that we gave her a deadline. You will move out and live on your own by this date or we will drive you to the homeless shelter.

Get your wife to commit to a date that this will end, and mean it. Even if that date is farther into the future than what you want it will give you peace of mind to have a date. A part of the problem for you now is that it is open ended, you're not sure if you will ever get rid of this person.

You can also make the deadline flexible depending upon the actions of the sister-in-law. We will give you 1 week to get a job and begin paying rent to us which we will keep for you as a future deposit for your own place. If you do this then we will give you a time extension, if you have not done this then you are out on your ass. Set it up so that there is a pathway to success for her, but also consequences if she isn't working towards eventual independence.

Just my .

Nailed it!

Set the deadline date. If the wife waffles when it gets close make it sister in law moves out or you move out until resolved. Once she moves out get the locks changed. Any future crisis then put her up in a hotel for two days and the let the hotel manager kick her to the curb.

Took in my sister in law 30 years ago after her boyfriend pounded on her one time too many. She was young and pretty then and found a new sex for rent arrangement in short order. Bounced around living on the edge forever. Divorced her sister so I never had to deal with any subsequent drama. Fast forward 30 years and sister in law has lost her looks and is back living rent free with mom (after dad died because he would not have allowed it).

Deal with this now or you will be asking this same question again and again.

 

[Leadeye]

She's house broken, usually eats like a bird...should I set you up? Lol

I meant that Dead Duck's comment was too soon, but as I'm in my 60s I'll take that as a compliment.

 

[BiscuitsandGravy]

Had a friend that took in his MIL on a 'temporary-moving from old situation to new situation excuse'. Ya- sure, 1 month turned in to 6 then more. He had to finally kick her to the curb. She drank all his good booze and left the cheap stuff. Luckily nothing ended up missing. No rent arrangement either so he was basically free room and board.

Lots of good advice above. Its time for her to grow up and be a responsible adult.

 

[thunderchicken]

Yeah the advise of many confirms my gut feeling on the issue. My MIL is sending money for her to go to a hotel for a few days then she is on her own.
Lol Free to a good home..er decent home 34yo female, @ 5' 3" blonde hair blue eyes. Comes with any and all attached baggage, needy but spirited, can talk like a trucker or drunk sailor (no offense to any truckers or sailors)when mad. Lol

 

[femurphy77]

So...
Do you have any recent photos of her?

I knew if I scrolled down far enough. . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

[femurphy77]

Lol. No but she isn't hard on the eyes, I will give her that. She has kept her dancer figure from her 20s

Dancer?? Ballet? Classical? Modern?





Pole?

 

[Mgderf]

Too soon.

It's never too soon for quality pics.

 

[bocefus78]

Lol Free to a good home..er decent home 34yo female, @ 5' 3" blonde hair blue eyes. Comes with any and all attached baggage, needy but spirited, can talk like a trucker or drunk sailor (no offense to any truckers or sailors)when mad. Lol

Dancer body? Free? Has some drinking money? Pm sent

 

[thunderchicken]

Dancer?? Ballet? Classical? Modern?





Pole?

Yep she was a pole dancer/ lap dancer back in her 20s.

Sorry guys no pics...my wife forbid me posting any even though she finds it humorous that I even put this on a "gun site" full of "probable perv's" she would fit right in with the girl with gun thread.

 

[thunderchicken]

Dancer body? Free? Has some drinking money? Pm sent

Touché. Well played sir well played

 

[churchmouse]

Dancer body? Free? Has some drinking money? Pm sent

Oh man.......

 

[Trigger Time]

Yep she was a pole dancer/ lap dancer back in her 20s.

Sorry guys no pics...my wife forbid me posting any even though she finds it humorous that I even put this on a "gun site" full of "probable perv's" she would fit right in with the girl with gun thread.

She could find her next x husband or 2 on here

 

[thunderchicken]

She could find her next x husband or 2 on here

Probably could. I wouldn't doubt it for a minute. I'm just glad I married one of the two much more normal sisters

 

[halfmileharry]

You might want to consider a Meet and Greet for the sis? Auctions aren't allowed here right?

 

[target64]

You ever watch big love, or sister wives? There seems to be a possibility in your household.

 

[BluedSteel]

I have nothing but sympathy for you and your situation; having gone through something similar years ago. I must respectfully say that there is no painless way to deal with this so I recommend this as a default setting: compassionate honesty.

Sit down with this woman and explain to her that she is an adult, she has the right to make her own decisions. But she does not have the right to make decisions for you. Tell her that the drama and the chaos that she chooses to live with has no place in your house.

Give her a choice of being dropped off at a shelter for the victims of domestic violence or at a homeless shelter. Tell her the truth: these are the only places in our society for unemployed homeless victims of domestic violence.

Offer to go with her to file a police report. Pay her phone bill for a month or buy her a cheap burner so she can be contacted by social services and prospective employers. If you have the space and are willing, offer to store some of her stuff. For a while.

This may seem harsh or hard-hearted. And some people may see it that way. But she either learns the hard lessons now when she still has some semblance of a support network or she learns it when she wakes up in an alley somewhere. Or worse. hopper68 was right when he said, "Tough love is seldom appreciated but some times sooner is better than later. The real question is to cut her off cold turkey or to try the slow wean, cold turkey is harder but better off in the long run."

In my caseI waited too long; until the stress almost destroyed my marriage.Then I did exactly what I recommended to you. Not surprisingly, a couple of months of living in a very strict environment - controlled by absolute strangers who were more than willing to toss out anyone who wouldn't follow the rules - produced a miraculous change. Suddenly grumpy bosses weren't so bad. And landlords that actually expected to get paid were a fact of life.

Sadly, there is no pain-free way to resolve these kinds of situations. But some ways are better than others. You should definitely talk to your wife and try to get the two of you on the same page. Then rip off the band-aid.

 

[Trigger Time]

You might want to consider a Meet and Greet for the sis? Auctions aren't allowed here right?

A dating thread was tried once .. people were banned. Lol