I find myself in a strange situation

[Lost Californian]

Please be patient, and read it all.

After a long illness, my wife died on January 18th. Of all the things that come after your spouse dies, this one came out of the blue -

I no longer have a desire to carry a gun. Been having a firearm handy at all times for the last 20 years or so, and these days I just can't/don't put the holster on the belt when I get dressed. It is weird, from my point of view. I can say I kinda got out of the habit a few months ago, when I was the full time caregiver and not leaving the house much. But it is deeper than that. I really just have no desire to put one on when I am going out and about, short run to the store, or long day selling stuff for large cash amounts. Part of me wants to change the home defense plan, and put up some firearms. The ones mainly in place for her to use. Then I would have to redo the whole plan, because I think of those guns when I ponder the 'what ifs' regarding home invasion, and I just can't muster the brain power to do that, so they stay where they are.

Of my two carry guns, one is small and light, I don't even notice when I carry that one. The other is larger and more potent, and I do notice the weight when I carry it. Still do not want to have one on me. And I just cannot understand this at all. Is this a passing phase that will go away sometime, or is it a way to to inadvertently engineer my own demise? I can't figure it out. I just know I am in a weird, strange place right now.

Just because - This photo was taken a week before she died. That is one of our daughter's dog's pups. Sweetie got joy from being able to have them on her.

Thanks for your time.

 

[d.kaufman]

So very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family

 

[cg21]

Sorry for your loss. I think it will take sometime to figure things out. I pocket carry a lcr 90% of the time because it is convenient best choice? No. Better than a stick? Yes.

 

[cosermann]

Very sorry for your loss. Lost two close to me in ‘20. Sounds like it could be result of the grieving process, but what do I know.

 

[Pepi]

So sorry for your loss. Prayers will be with you. You might research 'anhedonia'. I started having this happen to me after I retired.

 

[loudgroove]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can kinda relate to this. I lost my parents and grandparents within 3 years. Actually within 2 days away from being 3 years to the day. I stopped carrying also. The ol lady had no clue how to help me or even deal with me. It wasn't till about 2 years later I was almost involved in an accident on the road. A friend was driving. When I saw the other car coming right towards me, I smiled. My friend was able to avoid the accident. And I went on home. After walking into the house and seeing the ol lady, kids and the family pet. Lives that depend on me, then it scared me. I realized that I had been laser focusing on what I lost over what I still had, and how important I was to others. It still took me some time to work some things out in my head. And even today I still struggle with it at times. Life still goes on, and everyday gets a little better and better. This is my story so I hope that you can find something in it to help.

 

[possum_128]

I also lost my wife after a very long battle with a lot of illness back in September. A lot of stuff goes through your head about changes. Don't make any big decisions for at least 6 months. My mind is a little clearer now after five months. Although I didn't have any thoughts on me carrying my guns, I did have thoughts on changing other things. in the end I changed nothing. Give yourself time to grieve and give thanks to the lord knowing she is no longer suffering.

 

[Cameramonkey]

So sorry for your loss.

Give it time. Your life has shifted. At least that is the best I can put in words, because that is quite the understatement.

Just go with it. Let yourself adjust. You will likely be fine not carrying. The majority of folks survive daily without carrying.

And if you eventually shift back, great.

Most importantly, just take care of yourself and everything will work itself out.

 

[TJ Kackowski]

First off, my condolences on your loss. Prayers will be lifted up for you and your family. Your faith is unknown to me, but my faith informs me that in this life we will deal with all sorts of things, and typically with little to no understanding. It's all good as all will be made clear in the afterlife. My faith also informs me that all pain and suffering is removed in the afterlife. Take comfort knowing that your wife is no longer suffering from her illness.

Second ... good grief, man ... give yourself time to grieve. You will work through all the issues you noted, but life isn't a 30-minute sitcom ... it takes time, sometimes LOTS of time, to work through all the emotions that come with death of a loved one. Don't give up, don't ever give up.

Third, keep your INGO family posted on how things are progressing. If you need someone to talk to about something or nothing, I've found that INGO has people who will do just that.

 

[BigRed]

Very sorry for your loss.

 

[XDdreams]

I am so sorry. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and grieve in the ways that bring you the most relief and comfort. What works for some may not be your cup of tea.

I suspect you can't comprehend at this time, living without her so what is the point of protection when you can't clearly see a path forward as a individual. That's exactly how I would feel if I lost my wife, it's my worst nightmare. That and something happening to my children. I've lost them over and over in my worries about what if's, but am well aware that having it happen in real life is inconceivable.

 

[loudgroove]

keep your INGO family posted on how things are progressing. If you need someone to talk to about something or nothing, I've found that INGO has people who will do just that.

100% agreed! not that I disagree with the rest of the post. But do keep us posted and do keep in mind there are people here that will help anyway they can.

 

[shibumiseeker]

You’ve gotten some excellent advice and commiseration here.

Speaking from the professional side of the coin (and I do have personal experience as well), what you are feeling and going through are natural and normal. Give yourself time and understand that the next few months will be a lot of change. If what is going on in your head (overall, not just the carry issue) worries you, seek out some counseling. There is nothing wrong with doing so and having an unbiased sounding board can be invaluable and very helpful.

 

[Michigan Slim]

I understand. I really do. One day at a time. It's a cliche now, but it's true. We all grieve in our own way and it needs to take its course. There is also no shame in talking it out with someone.

 

[MrSmitty]

So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing my wife, or her losing me, but it will happen. Take your time, you are grieving, God bless you and yours..

 

[DeadeyeChrista'sdad]

I'm loving that puppy. They really do bring us comfort, don't they? I agree with all the others who counsel you to just give it some time. I would add considering a grief support group. Seems like it really helps when someone else in the group is sharing, and says exactly what you are feeling.

 

[Wolfhound]

So sorry for your loss.

Give it time. Your life has shifted. At least that is the best I can put in words, because that is quite the understatement.

Just go with it. Let yourself adjust. You will likely be fine not carrying. The majority of folks survive daily without carrying.

And if you eventually shift back, great.

Most importantly, just take care of yourself and everything will work itself out.

I can’t say it any better than CM.

Sorry for your loss and take time to grieve and heal.

 

[KellyinAvon]

Very sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.

 

[Ingomike]

Praying for peace for you…

 

[jwamplerusa]

@Lost Californian

I am sorry for you loss. Take the time necessary to grieve and find your new normal.