I find myself in a strange situation

[wtburnette]

Sorry for your loss and yes, that was a great picture. Praying for you and your family.

 

[Ziggidy]

May you find peace in the Lord during this difficult time.

 

[indyjs]

I expect loss of a spouse to be paralyzing. It is some comfort to read that others have been through it and survived.
Sorry for your loss

 

[KJQ6945]

Prayers and my deepest condolences. One day at a time sir.

 

[rugertoter]

I also lost my wife after a very long battle with a lot of illness back in September. A lot of stuff goes through your head about changes. Don't make any big decisions for at least 6 months. My mind is a little clearer now after five months. Although I didn't have any thoughts on me carrying my guns, I did have thoughts on changing other things. in the end I changed nothing. Give yourself time to grieve and give thanks to the lord knowing she is no longer suffering.

This sounds like the best advice to me OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[IndyGal65]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't really add anything better than what has already been said. Prayers sent your way.

 

[LuckyOne]

It is true that it is hardest on the ones that are left behind. Remember those that still need you. How many times does a friend or family member ask for help or advice or just need somebody. You matter more than you know and you may still be needed as a protector. We don't know the plan.

We are all here for you.

 

[Mij]

Prayers to you and yours, please take the time to grieve, know God is by your side. Talk to loved ones, you and they need it. God’s grace upon you.

 

[Amishman44]

Of my two carry guns, one is small and light, I don't even notice when I carry that one. The other is larger and more potent, and I do notice the weight when I carry it. Still do not want to have one on me. And I just cannot understand this at all. Is this a passing phase that will go away sometime, or is it a way to to inadvertently engineer my own demise? I can't figure it out. I just know I am in a weird, strange place right now.

First...so very sorry for your loss! Words cannot describe the feelings that you have nor the 'differences' one experiences during the loss of a loved one, but the good news is, one does get through it, and things do get better!
Second...the grieving process is different for everyone, but during that process, please do not make any major life decisions for at least 6-12 months, as you have not discovered your 'new normal' (aka, 'balance') for life yet. You probably feel 'up-rooted' or 'disconnected' (best words I've discovered for it) and simply need time in order to to settle back down, get re-grounded (feet planted firmly on terra firma, especially emotionally), and then begin to plant new roots.
Thirdly...you have a new 'void' (wound) in you that you don't quite know what to do with and that'll take time to heal.
Lastly, remember that God is good and that He cares for you, and as it says in I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety (cares, concerns, losses, stresses & distresses, worries, etc.) on him because he cares for you."

 

[Lost Californian]

Not the right and proper forum for this, but I started here, so keeping it going.

Yesterday I cried. I like to do scroll saw work, and I use tape to hold the patterns on the wood. My Sweetie always peeled the tape off for me. I finally started another project yesterday, first time in many months, and when I was thinking of the next steps I realized she was not here to pull the tape, and admire my work. Sadness and sorrow still overcome me when I think of it.

This morning, I realized why I do not want to clean the bathroom. It means I would have to deal with the things that were hers - toothbrush, feminine things, her teeth (just what the hell do I do with her teeth, dammit). I have no use for denture cups, Efferdent, hair ties and clips.

Yeah, I know. In time things will be simpler. Right now the wound is still open and bleeding, no scar tissue holding it closed. God is still comforting me, people are still asking Him to care for me, and I trust in the name of Jesus. He never said we would not hurt, and man, I hurt.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Cameramonkey]

Not the right and proper forum for this, but I started here, so keeping it going.

Sure it is. You're among friends who care for you. Vent away. Its good for you. Its part of the healing process.

It will get better slowly. Then you'll have a "bad" day, and then it will go back to good again.

I found this video years ago and its an excellent description of long term grief. What he fails to mention is that the brick does get lighter over time. But it never goes away.



You are always welcome to vent here.

 

[XDdreams]

Not the right and proper forum for this, but I started here, so keeping it going.

Yesterday I cried. I like to do scroll saw work, and I use tape to hold the patterns on the wood. My Sweetie always peeled the tape off for me. I finally started another project yesterday, first time in many months, and when I was thinking of the next steps I realized she was not here to pull the tape, and admire my work. Sadness and sorrow still overcome me when I think of it.

This morning, I realized why I do not want to clean the bathroom. It means I would have to deal with the things that were hers - toothbrush, feminine things, her teeth (just what the hell do I do with her teeth, dammit). I have no use for denture cups, Efferdent, hair ties and clips.

Yeah, I know. In time things will be simpler. Right now the wound is still open and bleeding, no scar tissue holding it closed. God is still comforting me, people are still asking Him to care for me, and I trust in the name of Jesus. He never said we would not hurt, and man, I hurt.

Thanks for reading.

I know that it's in no way comparable to your loss, but I understand what you mean about our loved ones personal items.

When I lost my grandpa, my mom and I had to clean out his house. I don't think I've cried that much ever in my life.

Everything, from his banjo to his smokey mountain music cassette tapes to his favorite cereal, to his suspenders he hung on his bathroom door. Seeing and touching everything was just a punch to the heart over and over. But it also brought about memories from the time he was alive.

Sitting and listening to him play his banjo along to his cassette tapes, or his upright bass.

Eating breakfast with him and he had his plain raisin bran and I had honey bunches of oats.

The way he would stick his thumbs in his suspenders and laugh after he told a story.

There's pain in these things, but there's also the beauty of those moments shared in those everyday objects. It's a strange but unfortunately certain paradox we all will face.

Sending prayers your way.

 

[pitbulld45]

Much love brother! I am sorry for your loss. I dont have the answers you need but feel for you!

 

[BigMoose]

Not the right and proper forum for this, but I started here, so keeping it going.

Yesterday I cried. I like to do scroll saw work, and I use tape to hold the patterns on the wood. My Sweetie always peeled the tape off for me. I finally started another project yesterday, first time in many months, and when I was thinking of the next steps I realized she was not here to pull the tape, and admire my work. Sadness and sorrow still overcome me when I think of it.

This morning, I realized why I do not want to clean the bathroom. It means I would have to deal with the things that were hers - toothbrush, feminine things, her teeth (just what the hell do I do with her teeth, dammit). I have no use for denture cups, Efferdent, hair ties and clips.

Yeah, I know. In time things will be simpler. Right now the wound is still open and bleeding, no scar tissue holding it closed. God is still comforting me, people are still asking Him to care for me, and I trust in the name of Jesus. He never said we would not hurt, and man, I hurt.

Thanks for reading.

Do you have a pet? A dog? Not a replacement by far, but it helps..

 

[Lost Californian]

Do you have a pet? A dog? Not a replacement by far, but it helps..

We I have two dogs. And yes, it is nice to have them. The changes in their behavior is hard to deal with at times. I think they have finally figured out she is not coming back. They don't sleep on the bed anymore, and are much more subdued overall. Josie is going on 16, and Sophie is 7 or 8. Josie is showing her age. Her back legs buckle and she falls every so often. She is also losing weight. They do provide comfort when I am down and sad and blue. They do their best.

 

[GunsCarsPlanes]

cannot understand this at all

It's probably grief. My older brother broke his neck and died on his motorcycle racing over to see my other 15 year old brother who suffocated to death at home from a brain tumor.

Stress and grief can be overwhelming, causing a kind of mental freeze as we process the trauma. When we experience such hardship, our brains prioritize understanding the event, sometimes putting everything else on hold.

We all love guns but come on....guns are material possessions, worldly items, luxuries. In the wake of such profound loss, they may simply not hold any significance or energy.

I partially understand what you're going through, if only a sliver...it just hits hard man. For what its worth you're in our thoughts.

 

[ACR]

I am very sorry for your loss. There is a lot of excellent advise here being given.

I lost my brother about 8 years ago to cancer, I still have some tee-shirts that were his, they are my size but I don't wear them, but I also can't get rid of them. It really is weird how it feels kind of like last piece of them you can keep, even after many years. I also have a Ruger 10/22 that was his and I shoot it still. But every time I think about doing any upgrades to it, even just changing the optic. I can't, it will always be kept the same.
Given time you will decide what things of hers you will keep and what you won't.

All that said, it would be much harder for me to lose my wife or any of my kids, so I can't imagine what you are going thru.

 

[DadSmith]

I also lost my wife after a very long battle with a lot of illness back in September. A lot of stuff goes through your head about changes. Don't make any big decisions for at least 6 months. My mind is a little clearer now after five months. Although I didn't have any thoughts on me carrying my guns, I did have thoughts on changing other things. in the end I changed nothing. Give yourself time to grieve and give thanks to the lord knowing she is no longer suffering.

Excellent advice.
My SIL died just before Thanksgiving last year. I gave my daughter similar advice. No major decisions for as long as it takes to get her mind clear. Don't give away anything until you know for sure you want to. Don't get pressured into anything.

 

[Lost Californian]

Like the songwriter said,

Somedays are diamonds, somedays are stone
Somedays the hard times won't leave us alone
Sometimes the cold wind brought chill to my bones
Somedays are diamonds, somedays are stone.

Yesterday ended up being stone, twice over.

First was taxes. Sweetie had been doing my taxes before we were married, and she continued to do them thru last year. Yesterday I had the appointment with the tax prep people. Almost made it thru, then some memories snuck out of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Up side, feds give me $15 back, but I have to give the state $194. Not bad overall, my goal is a zero dollars, +/- $200.

For more than 17 years, Sweetie has cut my hair. When she became unable to do that for me, I just did not have it cut. Yesterday after my shower I made up my mind that I was tired of the long, scraggly, unkept look, and went to a barber. I had a line ready to hand out, but I didn't think it thru. When she asked, told the lady who cut my hair that my stylist had gone out of business. Her response came quick, "Oh, were you with her a long time?" More memories sneaking out and walking down my cheeks.

I survived. Love hurts, when you truly love.

Today I have a clean bathroom. Much emptier, but clean. Wasn't bad until the end, when I looked around to make sure I was really done, and saw all the places that used to have all her "stuff" in them.

I thank God that He provides comfort in times of need. When I am hurting He is here with me. He is a kind and gracious God.

Thanks for your time.

 

[Lwright]

Prayers