INGO: Joke of the day page

[jamil]

Means something when you say it.

I never have had so many words in a post that I had to split it out into two posts.

 

[jamil]

Here's my TL/DR from 2019.

It's a play on "Better late than never."

No, I think the joke is that you get sucked into the story, thinking the punch line has to be something big, just for it to be that simple on words in the end.

 

[rhamersley]

 

[Cameramonkey]

That's what you call a "shaggy dog story." I learned that on the last Mike Rowe podcast.

FIFY. (Mike's awesome, but wrong.)

Shaggy dog story - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Told the barnyard band story to my kids and they loved it. Thanks.

Of course as a dad, who came from a master of Shaggy Dogs, I had to draw it out even more. LOL

 

[rhamersley]

 

[Bigtanker]

FIFY. (Mike's awesome, but wrong.)

Shaggy dog story - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Told the barnyard band story to my kids and they loved it. Thanks.

Of course as a dad, who came from a master of Shaggy Dogs, I had to draw it out even more. LOL

Oops. My bad. It was a really long week. Yes, shaggy dog story.

And as I told my kids, I had the chicken crossing several roads......and nothing happened!

 

[actaeon277]

Good thing I have no patience and skipped to the end.

 

[Cameramonkey]

So this one is great at pool parties, or anywhere you do not care if you get wet or make a mess. (or happen to have a change of clothes) Its more of a sight gag than joke, and you will end up paying a price for the laughs. But in the right context it is TOTALLY worth it. So here is a description of how to tell the joke.

---

So this guy is chasing rainbows. And he FINALLY finds the end of one after YEARS AND YEARS of searching. Sure enough, there is a pot of gold.

Just as he approaches the pot of gold to grab it, it disappears, and a leprechaun takes its place.

Welcome! You have found the treasure, but it is not what you think it is!

The man says OK, so what is it?

The leprechaun says “It is this bottomless cup! (Flourish the full cup in your hands that contains preferably water) Fill it with whatever drink your heart desires, and it will never empty no matter how much you drink from it. Whether it is whiskey, water, wine, whatever. You will have this limitless drink to the end of your days. “

The man says “That is great, but what's the catch? I know there is ALWAYS a catch. You leprechauns are crafty that way.”

The leprechaun says “Ah… very good! You are a smart lad. There is indeed a catch. You must ALWAYS drink from THIS side of the cup (you point, IN A GRAND GESTURE to the lip of the full cup in your hand closest to you, above your thumb). And only THIS side of the cup.” (insert a long story here if you wish about why. The longer the better to string them along)"

"NEVER, EVER, EVER drink from THIS side of the cup." (and point to the side of the cup away from you, above your fingers.)

Look intensely at your mark/audience and say (continuing in your best leprechaun voice) “but do you know what happens if you were to drink from THIS (you point to the side of the cup above your fingers, on the far side) side of the magic cup?!?!"

Place that far side of the cup against your lips (chin inside the cup) and tip the cup up, pouring the entire contents of your cup down the front of your body. “YOU. GET. WET!” (cue laughter)

 

[jamil]

Good thing I have no patience and skipped to the end.

Eh, it’s not a bad story.

 

[Cameramonkey]

A guy walks up the grocery cashier after work on a Friday afternoon. On the belt he places:

1 orange
1 single pint of beer
1 single serve tv dinner
1 small yogurt
1 small bag of potato chips
1 1 liter pop
1 pint of ice cream

The cashier starts ringing him up and says "You're single, arent you?"

The man replies with some surprise "Why yes, I am. Can you really tell that much about me by what I'm buying and when?"

The cashier replies "No. Its because you're ugly. "

 

[TheGrumpyGuy]

A guy walks up the grocery cashier after work on a Friday afternoon. On the belt he places:

1 orange
1 single pint of beer
1 single serve tv dinner
1 small yogurt
1 small bag of potato chips
1 1 liter pop
1 pint of ice cream

The cashier starts ringing him up and says "You're single, arent you?"

The man replies with some surprise "Why yes, I am. Can you really tell that much about me by what I'm buying and when?"

The cashier replies "No. Its because you're ugly. "

You know, that actually happened to me Friday night at Kroger - NOT FUNNY!!!

 

[jamil]

A guy walks up the grocery cashier after work on a Friday afternoon. On the belt he places:

1 orange
1 single pint of beer
1 single serve tv dinner
1 small yogurt
1 small bag of potato chips
1 1 liter pop
1 pint of ice cream

The cashier starts ringing him up and says "You're single, arent you?"

The man replies with some surprise "Why yes, I am. Can you really tell that much about me by what I'm buying and when?"

The cashier replies "No. Its because you're ugly. "

I dunno. There's someone for everyone.

 

[MCgrease08]

Boy, these last few pages are a testament to why we need to bring back negative rep.

 

[sharkey]

I dunno. There's someone for everyone.

Yep. Remember, someone MADE Honey Boo Boo with Mama June.

 

[tetter]

Boy, these last few pages are a testament to why we need to bring back negative rep.

Be more specific. We'll get some McGreasy content for you.

 

[actaeon277]

I dunno. There's someone for everyone.

And Tommy's love was Becky.

 

[rhamersley]

And Tommy's love was Becky.

Dang Gatlin boys…

 

[actaeon277]

Dang Gatlin boys…

And, I was always bothered by that "fight".
An inexperienced guy, who always avoids fights, had SO MUCH RAGE, that he could defeat 3 others that had been fighting (probably their entire life).
I'm not buying it.

 

[jamil]

If you take a **** at 11:59pm and you don’t finish before midnight, it’s the same old ****, different day.

 

[actaeon277]