omg I messed up

[88GT]

her dad commited suicide, shot him self in the head. So I understand her misguided hate tward guns but I cant live with that. I am sorry for her but I will not lay down on this issue. if that meens I let her go than so be it.

Well, that changes things a bit. A wee bit, not a lot, but some.

After you tell her you won't be bullied, ask her these two questions:

"Are you afraid I'm going to do myself or you harm with them?"

She'll probably answer in the negative regardless of how she really feels, so follow up with this: "Then what is it you're afraid of?"

 

[88GT]

she was pissed that I mad a purchase of 300.00 without asking her. I make 85K plus and she makes 28K WTF? I need to ask her if I can spend my money?

Why did you get married? And how old are you?

 

[dman65]

I like it!

 

[zenbruno]

Dude, those are serious warning signs that things may only get worse. I'd forget about some of that magazine-sounding advice and really think carefully about your situation.


(Now that you've hooked some of us, of course you're now obliged to keep us posted!)

 

[dman65]

with all that said I need a good 45 to carry. any for sale?

 

[repeter1977]

she asked me tonight, "did you marry the constitution or me?" I was like WTF??? the constitution first! Sorry :-(

Tell her that if she doesn't believe in the Constitution, thats fine, she has no "right" to free speech in your house, and see how that goes. Just my 2 cents, but then again, im already divorced (although about to get remarried to a MUCH better one). Sorry to hear about her father, but fears have to be overcome. If a loved one died in a car, should you avoid driving anywhere ever again? If someone drown, are you never supposed to go near any water bigger then a puddle?

 

[John Galt]

Is this a serious thread? Seriously? You're 9 weeks into a marriage and your "spouse for the rest of your life" is raising major isssues about 3 things that are incredibly important to you and you "need" advice?
With all due respect and I'm not trying to sound shallow or harsh, but you REALLY need to have a sit-down-heart-to-heart talk with this woman and lay it ALL out on the line. This will NOT get any better and will only fester like an infected wound until the relationship eventually ends, and probably with much worse consequences than what there would be now - i.e. children, financial, etc.
It sounds like you really rushed into this one. Be honest, give it one last honest try, and then be honest again and nut up to make an honest decision.
Best of luck

 

[beararms1776]

she was pissed that I mad a purchase of 300.00 without asking her. I make 85K plus and she makes 28K WTF? I need to ask her if I can spend my money?

There are many hobbies you could introduce her to that require other and less aggressive forms of control.

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

she was pissed that I mad a purchase of 300.00 without asking her. I make 85K plus and she makes 28K WTF? I need to ask her if I can spend my money?

Dear heavens, I hope you are not serious, but I fear that you are....

Both of you need to step back for a sec and evaluate what the heck you are doing.

When I got married - "I" didn't make $X and "she" didn't make "$Y" ... WE made "$X+Y". All decisions are based that way. Even ones that end badly. When we were successful , "WE" were successful. When I proposed an investment that we lost our butts on, "WE" made that decision - and she reminded me of the fact that "WE" had made that decision. Through the ups and the downs of life, that "WE" thing has made a huge difference. Yes, 'We" had a house burn down. And "We" had a miscarriage that was devastating. And "We" have lost jobs MANY times (consulting will do that). But "We" have 4 terrific kids, and "We" have been successful in business , and "We" have built a great life for ourselves, too.

23 years later - I'm a lot sorrier looking than I was back then. And yet we couldn't be happier. It's all in the approach.

My advice - step back and figure out if you are ready to grow up and be married. If so, then step back TOGETHER and make some decisions that will make the marriage work. Make the decision - then work to make it right. If both of you are committed to that, it CAN be done.

 

[Hammer]

Now you know why she was single.

 

[griffin]

Okay, enough of this.

I think we need pics to further evaluate the situation.

 

[hoosierdoc]

she was pissed that I mad a purchase of 300.00 without asking her. I make 85K plus and she makes 28K WTF? I need to ask her if I can spend my money?

I make more than you, my wife makes more than her. We discuss all purchases if they are not grocery or for the kids. It's as was said above, it's "we earn", not "I earn" and "she earns".

We're doing a small group study on marriage and I came across this quote. "My wife has been married to five men, and all of them have been me". If you don't like how someone is, just wait, they'll change basically.

It's typical that you marry someone and then you find out something you don't like about them. It's on her to accept your position on guns, and it's up to you to be respectful of her wishes and minimize her exposure to them around the house. Don't cut and run. You're just getting to the exciting stage of your relationship.

Piper, Carson, and Keller on Sustaining the Covenant of Marital Love on Vimeo

It's probably a good idea to get some marriage counseling though. You guys seem to have more disagreements than just guns. If you're religious, you probably took a vow before God that you will stay with her and she's a gift from Him to you. Either God was wrong, or you're discussing tossing away the gift.

 

[LPMan59]

Okay, enough of this.

I think we need pics to further evaluate the situation.

agreed.

 

[NavyVet]

If she is anti-2nd amendment, I really don't need to see a picture.... Unless you were talking about the gun...

 

[hornadylnl]

Just like some guys take cars to a good mechanic before they buy them, guys need to start taking their prospective wives to the phsychiatrist.

 

[longbow]

Tell her they are for her protection. Your job is to protect her...........without them, she will not be protected.

Get her a PINK AR and

 

[griffin]

Just like some guys take cars to a good mechanic before they buy them, guys need to start taking their prospective wives to the phsychiatrist.

Wrong. It's not hard. Are the four rules of firearm safety hard? No. But negligent discharges keep happening because people violate them. Same thing for marriage. The divorce rate doesn't need to be nearly so high, but some people keep ignoring common sense and the rules. And not all rules are agreed to by all, so let's just stick with common sense.

 

[foszoe]

I think there is a little too much she/me and not enough we going on here (from the evidence presented).

I too wonder....How long was the courtship?

I agree with 88GT, don't lay down on this one.

In my house there is a gun in every room and motorcycles in the garage, bought before I got married and more after. She KNEW there are some things I DON'T cave on, and some I do, for instance before the marriage I took 6 weeks out of the year to travel 30000+ miles on the bike, don't do that so much anymore, but I DO take more weekend trips of 5-600 miles with her because, hey, I like her company.

I still HAVE all the guns plus some but I DON'T get to take them out to the back forty an d shoot them as much as I used to.

I have all the stuff to brew beer sitting around in boxes and all the materials to build my reloading bench sitting in the barn and all the presses and dies still sitting in unopened boxes because she MADE me build three chicken coups and clean up trees along the pond so she can see her ducks and geese.

So its a matter of compromise, but not caving

 

[kludge]

Did you date before you got married? Sounds like you didn't do YOUR job before proposing, so it is your fault. You picked the wrong woman, did you ask her how SHE felt about guns beforehand? Don't blame her for the lack of discussion and pre-marital counseling.

^This^

 

[kludge]

she was pissed that I mad a purchase of 300.00 without asking her. I make 85K plus and she makes 28K WTF? I need to ask her if I can spend my money?

YES! You're married, do you know what that means?