omg I messed up

[sbcman]

Tough position you find yourself in OP. I can only add this:

1. I would give up every gun in the house for my wife. I like guns. I love my wife.
2. Before that happened, I would do everything possible to understand her position and offer mine as well. Don't seek compromise on this issue or any other- seek solution. Show her your safe gun handling, take her to the range, let her shoot. Go from there.
3. Read, re-read and consider implenting the post below.

I make more than you, my wife makes more than her. We discuss all purchases if they are not grocery or for the kids. It's as was said above, it's "we earn", not "I earn" and "she earns".

We're doing a small group study on marriage and I came across this quote. "My wife has been married to five men, and all of them have been me". If you don't like how someone is, just wait, they'll change basically.

It's typical that you marry someone and then you find out something you don't like about them. It's on her to accept your position on guns, and it's up to you to be respectful of her wishes and minimize her exposure to them around the house. Don't cut and run. You're just getting to the exciting stage of your relationship.

Piper, Carson, and Keller on Sustaining the Covenant of Marital Love on Vimeo

It's probably a good idea to get some marriage counseling though. You guys seem to have more disagreements than just guns. If you're religious, you probably took a vow before God that you will stay with her and she's a gift from Him to you. Either God was wrong, or you're discussing tossing away the gift.

 

[spec4]

Doesn't really matter how you got there, you need to bail NOW. This will only get worse, much worse. Get out now, it will never be cheaper to do so.

 

[loudpedal]

Dude, I'm sincerely sorry to hear about such a painful situation.

This is not a cure but IMO the way that I think that this kind of problem can occur is that men marry the woman that they love in hopes that they will never change. Women marry men that they think can be changed into the man that they can love forever.

I think that maybe it is time to remind her that you intend to be the man that she married because that is what you thought she wanted you to be, and you thought that by vow your duty was to please, and protect her.

I am not a licensed marriage councilor well.."technically." But I have played one on the internet, and my advice is; work it out quickly, or get out quickly, but don't turn it into an argument that can cause a communication wall between you. What ever you decide to do do it soon.

I'll keep you both in my prayers.

 

[CathyInBlue]

Zero to ***** in 9 weeks? I think that may be a new world record. If she sounds intractible, curb her.

 

[loudpedal]

3. Read, re-read and consider implenting the post below.

In addition to that.
4. Read, re-read the wedding vows that both of you recited in front of your friends, and creator before you act on the advice of any of us.

 

[sbcman]

In addition to that.
4. Read, re-read the wedding vows that both of you recited in front of your friends, and creator before you act on the advice of any of us.

That needed to be stated, sometimes I overlook the obvious

 

[pirate]

Kick her out and put your guns on her side of the bed. Then take a picture and mail it to her. That will teach her.

 

[jbombelli]

When I met my wife, I told her I owned and carried guns, and if that was a problem she better tell me now. She didn't.

If she made it a problem later, I would tell her to either 1) deal with it, because she knew about it long ago and it's not changing, or 2) contact a divorce lawyer, because she knew about it long ago, it's not changing.

Do what you're going to do, and force HER to make the decision to leave over it. That way she can never say you divorced her because she doesn't like guns.

 

[ISP 5353]

Wish her the best in life and then walk away with all your stuff. Find the right woman for you and live a happy life. Good luck!

 

[duff72]

Sorry about the situation that you are in . You are still in the early stages of your marriage. The first year of my marriage was absolute hell ( now 15 years in ), we fought about almost everything . We were both young and very selfish. Do not give up on your wife ! Richer, poorer, sickness , health, that is in most VOWS. She obviously still has many issues with the loss of her father that she might need professional help with, step up and get it for her. Marriage is a partnership it is no longer your money , it is both of your money. It is not a problem she has with guns , it is a problem now owned by both of you . Consider getting yourselves into a shooter safety class ( weather you think YOU need it or not. ), this might remove some of the fear and ignorance about guns. I can do a lot of things ,teaching my wife is not one them. Gun safety doesn't sound like her issue with your hobby,fear of repeated tragedy in her life sounds like the issue and seek compromise. Show her stability and rationality always. Reassure her of your love (for her) and explain how guns are a big part of your life. Your comment about anyone having a .45 for sale tells me that you are willing to throw gas on the fire that is still possibly able to be controlled. I am not saying give up your guns, but try to get this under control before it is too late. God bless, Scott

 

[Willie]

Sorry man. Sounds like she feels that you are chained now and she can turn into Godzilla without consequences. Somehow I doubt guns and motorcycles will be the end of her controlling behaviors. Good luck.

Ditto......

Run.....

Life is too short to put up with that...

 

[giovani]

Don't listen to the God mumbojumbo, it's your life, she pulled one over on you, bail before she is pregnant with your child,it will be 10 times worse with a kid involved.

 

[printcraft]

 

[hoosierdoc]

Don't listen to the God mumbojumbo, it's your life, she pulled one over on you, bail before she is pregnant with your child,it will be 10 times worse with a kid involved.

Yeah, this.

Abandoning commitments is generally good advice. How about... don't have kids until things are better but work on them for the time being? Accept responsibility for marrying someone you didn't know well enough and see if you can get past it.

 

[Classic]

Frustrating development. Wonder what other deceit awaits you?

 

[duff72]

Don't listen to the God mumbojumbo, it's your life, she pulled one over on you, bail before she is pregnant with your child,it will be 10 times worse with a kid involved.

I am not sure if it was mentioned by the OP but If he was married in a church and God is part of his beliefs then I wouldn't call it God mumbojumbo .

 

[giovani]

Yeah, this.

Abandoning commitments is generally good advice. How about... don't have kids until things are better but work on them for the time being? Accept responsibility for marrying someone you didn't know well enough and see if you can get past it.

At 9 weeks in and she knew he liked guns all through there courtship and engagement.
She is maniulative and dishonest, and in my opinion someone who does this , did not mean the vows she took.
I would leave without feeling I was breaking any contract.

 

[PistolBob]

Way to go.

 

[ViperJock]

It's fraud. Dont expect it to be the last time. Once you give in here she will own your every decision. After 20 years it will finally get to you and you will leave. Do yourself a favor and dont lose 20 years in what portends to be a bad relationship.

 

[buckstopshere]

well she dosent want guns in the house and no motorcycles. I thing I screwed up. only 9 weeks into the marrage

I'd say take a breath. You've only been married a couple weeks.

Point out that you had guns and motorcycles before you were married and you'll continue to have those items in the future.

Control is the issue at hand here. She's trying to control what you will and won't like and do. So, don't give it to her and don't try and take it. Be the example of how you want the relationship to be. Just because she doesn't want you to have them doesn't mean she gets her way. She's not your mother.