The one who got away called tonight

[DragonGunner]

Well.....Richard Nixon loved this gal, she wouldn't go out with him no matter what. So he was the only one who had a car, so he would take her an her date to the movies. She finally caved an went out with him.....an then they married. But my suggestion to you is don't be a Dick Nixon......personally I wouldn't want a party girl that likes the bar scenes, you might want to save that love for someone else....like Liz....?????

 

[LEaSH]

Good point. You can customize the upper, just like an AR-15. Costs about the same, too.

I thought you put this in the wrong thread at first. I'm slow - and a leg man, anyway.

 

[edporch]

THINK AHEAD and don't be a fool!

The ONLY WAY you're gonna have even a long shot chance with this girl and BREAK the "just friends" thing is to lay it on the line.

Tell her "we're either gonna be a couple, or I don't want to know you".
Then STICK to it and move on with you life.
REFUSE any contact with her and do NOTHING for her until she decides to be your girlfriend.
Then MOVE on and don't wait for her.

This tactic did work for me, but it took 30 years of rarely seeing her, and when I did bump into her every so many years, I purposely treated her in a polite but arm's length way that she sensed.
(We're getting married in the Spring!!)

If in the meantime when she calls you like the other night wanting you to take her home from downtown, or needs you for something you simply POLITELY tell her this.
"You don't need me. You have this other guy who's so much better of man than I am. Call him..." , then hang up.
DON'T argue and DON'T back down.

This will force her to choose, and she'll eventually get the message and quit using you.
MOST important is you'll regain your self respect concerning her...

At YOUR AGE (your profile says you're 21), the smartest thing is to move on, be open to meeting as many new women and dating as many new women as you can.

In the next 5-10 years, a lot of GREAT women who you're closing yourself off to meeting and not giving a chance because you're waiting on this "love of you life" will be lost to you through marriage.

They're the emotionally mature ones who won't USE you, are capable of giving you the faithful commitment and friendship (YES friendship matters MOST in the long run) that when you get older will lead to a GREAT marriage for both of you when you both are ready.

Once these women start marrying off in a few years, it'll begin being gradually that much harder for the rest of your life to find a compatible one.

Ask me HOW I know this?!
My situation wasn't the same as yours, but enough similar to give you the advice I'm giving you.

DON'T PUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ON HOLD IN ANY WAY FOR THIS GIRL!
IF YOU DO, YOU'LL REGRET IT ONE DAY!

In the end, i got the "love of my life" when she was widowed 4 years ago.
But I'm now 55.
We reconnected and I told her that the same thing still goes.
We're NOT going to be "just friends", we're either gonna be a couple or NOTHING...
I had to walk away from her a few times for her to know I meant it.

That's what it took for her to realize...

We're gonna be married in the Spring!

 

[indiucky]

It sounds to me like you need to be honest with her and tell her exaclty how you feel and about everything that is bothering you. If it can be worked out and the two of you can remain friends then good, if not, it may be time to just part ways.

I do not know either of you personally, so it is kind of hard to offer good advice. Communication is key though. Best of luck!

Yep. What he said, I watched a "chick flick" with my spouse last night and according to Jane Austen the young lady is sending you "signals" that you may not get because we are wired differently. Good Luck.

Indiucky

 

[inccwchris]

See the thing with her is, I move on for a while, then she will turn around and the wound opens up again, so in like a week im better and move on again, then something else happens. Liz also has a boyfriend. Theres a story there too, but I don't enjoy playing Doc Phil on the gun forum. I just figured there were some people on here with more common sense who would not suger coat things and give it to me how it is.

 

[edporch]

See the thing with her is, I move on for a while, then she will turn around and the wound opens up again, so in like a week im better and move on again, then something else happens. Liz also has a boyfriend. Theres a story there too, but I don't enjoy playing Doc Phil on the gun forum. I just figured there were some people on here with more common sense who would not suger coat things and give it to me how it is.

I understand cuz I've been there.

I was 22 when it happened to me.
You simply have to be firm.
If you do what I tell of in my previous post you'll have your best chance of breaking the "just friends" thing.

If you keep hanging on to her and letting her parade a never ending string of boyfriends in front of you, while she relies on YOU when she really needs something, it'll just make you crazy.

Give her the ultimatum.

"We're either going to date and be a couple, or NOTHING..."

Then walk away and find a woman who'll not use you.

Don't even give her the sweat off your brow until then.

Even if she would call you in the middle of the night and say she's stranded with a flat tire in he middle of nowhere, just tell her "what are you calling me for? This other guy is so much better than i am, call him. You don't need me...".
The stick to it.

If you want her bad enough, you MUST have the strength to walk away from her unless you can have the relationship you want.

I've done it and I know how hard it is, but it's your only chance.

What you've been doing clearly hasn't worked.

 

[Caleb]

Friend zone

 

[Mackey]

You should talk to someone who cares.
I can't believe I read all that.
Good Luck anyway.

 

[slackerisme]

Grab the yellow pages, flip to the "E" section. move to the end of that section, look for escort services. Call one, hire one, pay for one's time....be glad you only spent a few hundred dollars to realize that you and your lifelong friend are blessed to have each other to talk to and trust when it counts. It is hard to love a member of the opposite sex that you are not related to and keep the boundary, but that is the choice, try to sleep with her and lose her, or keep your rocket in your pocket and a good friend.

Been there and done that bud.

Miss ya Terri (just in case )

 

[gungirl65]

The reason you keep getting these feeling is because you have never got them off your chest. You need to tell her how you feel. If it does't work out and she tells you she doens't feel the same way you will get your closure and then can move on.

This is very sound advice. Once you speak the words out loud they will lose their power over you. Once you let her know how you feel you will never again be bound by the if she only knew how I feel she might love me scenario. Who knows maybe she will love you back but if she doesn't at least you will know you need to let go of that dream of the two of you together & move on.

Everyone deserves to have their affections reciprocated. There are plenty of other nice girls out there, you just need to be open to that possibility.

 

[MadBomber]

Welcome to INGO: Come for the Classifieds, Stay for the awkward public airing of private drama.

 

[paddling_man]

Then these questions enter my head.

After 8 months, what does it say that she still has my number in her phone?
Why not? She's known you all her life. She's not ready to settle down but still wants "excitement." New people... what is "over the horizon?" She thinks of you as one of her oldest friends. Sexual / romantic tension there? Sure. Are you safe because, even through all that tension over the years, you are always still there? Yeah.

Why would she call me instead of her parents or trying to wake her boyfriend up?
Because they'll really call her on her crap. You may "growl" but you're "still in love with her after all these years" and continue to let things continue in a little safe box for her. No pressure.

I have a Golden Retriever that gives me unconditional love, too. I can ignore that dog, talk sharply and one welcome comment from me, he comes running.


Why am I third on the call list, it goes Brother, Boyfriend, Chris. Why am I third and not like 10th?
See above.

Why now out of the eight months of not talking.
See the Golden Retriever comment.

Why did I act like a complete jerk, other than the fact that I opened the door for them?
'Cause you want to be a man and not the pet but things aren't working out that way.

Why is it still bothering me?
See last answer.

Any help you all could provide would be appriciated. This isn't exactly self defense, so mods feel free to move it if need be.

Did that sound harsh? Not meant to be, only my impression. It's late, I've had a long couple of weeks and a glass of J&B. You see, I've been there. Yep, I'm 42 and married longer than 16 years but I was in your shoes. Heather (I know, cliche. Still the truth.) was gorgeous and we were friends. Friends throughout high school with sexual tension the whole time. We talked through each others problems, the whole time with mutual attraction/tension. Even sleeping in the same bed numerous times when she crashed at my house after we were out in a group. Did we fool around? Yeah, things got started a few times but it always mirrored what you described.

I, also, put up with her crap. We each dated others but came back to each other as "friends with tension" when we stopped dating folks. Finally, I had enough. A couple of girlfriends later, I got married to my wife. Heather finally stopped contacting me (except a few times but I stopped responding in any meaningful, lapdog way.)

Are you guys attracted to each other? Yeah. Is something stopping it for many years now? Yeah. Probably for a good reason. You hang on out of hope and affection. She hangs on (or calls back) out of safety.

Don't get mad at her, you allow this to happen. Just enjoy life and making yourself happy and you'll end up with someone who really wants to be part of that.

Merry Christmas and good luck!

 

[jsharmon7]

Don't get mad at her, you allow this to happen.

 

[Cemetery-man]

Just wait till she has kids! Mothers are always looking for a good babysitter.

 

[Drunken Yak inc]

It seems that a lot of people don't know what the true meaning of being a friend is... I pity you...

No offense, but you need to **** or get off the pot. You have ignored a friend for 8 months because you couldn't handle your emotions. It's time to put the big boy pants on and tell her how you feel and deal with the consequences.

 

[JetGirl]

Grab the yellow pages, flip to the "E" section. move to the end of that section, look for escort services. Call one, hire one, pay for one's time....

And for the follow up;
Confidential, free, HIV Testing. Find a testing location near you.

 

[ralphb72]

She knows you love her. She loves you too, but the timing has never been right. You have a girlfriend or she has a boyfriend and you never got it together at the same time.

She feels stuck with this older guy, and knows he is a punk, but she can't get rid of him. He is always hanging around and wanting to get some. Well, at least he is there and willing to tell her like it is. You however, have never come out and admitted you love her to her face, and she is afraid to mess up the friendship if she makes the first move.

She aches for you to tell her how you feel, even pretends it is you who she is sleeping with all the time. She called you because she knew she could see you without her current boyfriend getting mad at her since he was unavailable. She can even blame him for her having to call someone else and he has no right to be mad about it.

When you picked her up, she was hoping that you would take her to your house and make love to her, but you just kept your feelings bottled up and got mad instead. She was out of her mind waiting for you to make a move, but you just dropped her off.

Right now she is just waiting for your call, and as soon as you call her, she is going to drop the other guy like a rock and come running to you. You will date for a few weeks and then get married because she realizes that she has been waiting for you to make your move her whole life.

Two weeks after you are married, you will realize that although she is gorgeous, she really does not want you touching those assets other then on every other Saturday night once she is good and drunk. You will also notice that she has no brains what so ever, no common sense, and no class. She is more interested in going out partying then being with you, and you will catch her in the sack with that 38 year old four months after you were married.






Move on and find someone who gives a crap about you!

 

[Lucas156]

"A smart person learns from their mistakes but a wise person learns from other peoples mistakes." Which one you gonna be? You can learn the hard way, (long drawn out emotional pain) or you can learn the easy way and cut ties with this slut. If you really want to find a woman that cares about you you have to set standards. I wouldn't date a chic who parties late at night. Why? Because I did once and these kind of chics are not the kind to settle down with. They are the ones for one night stands and nothing more because thats what they want. Cut ties with this chic or you are going to be feeling like this all your life until its too late. Is that what you want? You may think your situation is different but its not dude! Ive seen it a million times and Ive even been there!!! Open up your eyes and see this chic for what she really is because if you don't you deserve what you get.

 

[csmith]

My thoughts exactly. Get with Liz and set up the 3-some...then get rid of both of them. Find a new friend/user combo and repeat. What makes a better story...I feel in love, got married, and we lived happily ever after or I serial date broads that make the entertainment at Hip Hugger look like nuns?

I like the way your mind works SIR. I was just sad that I had read that many pages of this crap before someone suggested the 3-some.

 

[Gunner52]

Damn, did I pass out and this is a nightmare? Are you kidding me OP?