INGO: Joke of the day page

[Hardscrable]

 

[Hardscrable]

 

[SheepDog4Life]

So I'm driving down the road... and I see my ex.

Funny how the meaning of "I'd hit that" changes over the years.

 

[Ballstater98]

 

[Ballstater98]

 

[Sigblitz]

The whole family is at my wife's birthday party. She made a wish and blew out her candles. After a short pause, she said "Y' all are still here.".

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[jamil]

View attachment 322163

Well. That distinction isn’t such a problem in the south. The sealant is pronounced “kawk”. The other is pronounced more like… well nevermind.

 

[DCR]

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."​

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."

 

[DCR]

A flight is on its way to Paris when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.​

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”.
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”.
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”.
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I just told her First Class doesn't go to Paris."

 

[DCR]

A man is sitting in a bar at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him. He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly. He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: "We love to fly and it shows". The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the hearts of the world". Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: "Going beyond expectations". The woman looks at him wearily and says: "What the heck do you WANT, moron?" "Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "American Airlines..."

 

[DCR]

My wife came up with some rules for her own airlines.
The airline motto was "we won't beat you up."

 

[Combat Engineer]

Gun for people with arthritis.....

 

[smokingman]

A man is sitting in a bar at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him. He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly. He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: "We love to fly and it shows". The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the hearts of the world". Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: "Going beyond expectations". The woman looks at him wearily and says: "What the heck do you WANT, moron?" "Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "American Airlines..."

I had to laugh at that one. My last trip to NH they lost my luggage. When I went to the desk to find it the woman behind the counter asked "what do you want?"

I was on a 9 day trip, and my luggage was delivered the night before I left to go home. Not my favourite airline.

Joke.
The earth is not flat. The proof? Cats would have already pushed everything off the edge.

 

[DCR]

We will walk before we fly american airlines again.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Nazgul]

We will walk before we fly american airlines again.

Worst experience I have ever had was American. In Louisville going to CA via Chicago, thunder storms in Chicago.
We were boarded, the door shut and an immediate announcement that there was a 4 hr delay. There was a rebellion in the plane, complete with threats to call the police by the crew. They never did open the door, we sat there 4 hrs. Took me 24 hrs to get to California on a 3 1/2 hr flight..

Don

 

[Mongo59]

Worst experience I have ever had was American. In Louisville going to CA via Chicago, thunder storms in Chicago.
We were boarded, the door shut and an immediate announcement that there was a 4 hr delay. There was a rebellion in the plane, complete with threats to call the police by the crew. They never did open the door, we sat there 4 hrs. Took me 24 hrs to get to California on a 3 1/2 hr flight..

Don

My only response is, why would anyone want to go to California?