I once knew a guy, (although not personally, this was through another internet forum) who was a clown. Graduated from the RIngling Brothers clown college, came from a long line of circus performers going back to the Old Country. He was the real deal.
For self defense he carried a rubber chicken full of lead shot and used it like a blackjack / sap. Please note the lack of purple. There's a lot of crazy stuff he got away with because nobody wanted to admit they lost a fight to a guy with a rubber nose and big floppy shoes.
And slapped them stupid with a rubber chicken. I would never admit to that.......