She finally snatched "them" off!

[Que]

If she can't understand the utility of self-defense then she's not very useful.

Not trying to denigrate your wife, but *******, that's one big steaming pile.

Does she understand that dreams are dreams and that reality is reality?

I don't know, I hope she comes back to her senses for both your sakes.

If not, you'll resent her and she'll grow to fear you.

How "useful" she is can't be conveyed in a few sentences, but believe me she is in many ways. Although this one area has been a subject of contention between the two of us, I do believe in the 80/20 rule when it comes to marriage. Believe me, like any other marriage, my 80 is absolutely wonderful and my 20 is sometimes less than; however mine only consists of communication about guns and just like with the MC, that issue may be moot in our lives, but only time will tell.

I understand that one cannot put "touchy" subjects on the forum and then get an attitude when the feedback is not quite appreciated, but to suggest someone's wife is not useful can sting a bit, but I don't take offense at what you said.

Even if she were to come back next week with the same argument, I still wouldn't trade her for anyone else. I may have joked out of frustration, but we are solid and plan to last until death do us part. I never made that commitment to my guns, but I understand the importance of personal and home defense. It's my job to allow her the time to understand, as well. Especially since I did such a crappy job of communicating that point to her the last year or so, when this became an issue in our lives (not 20 years ago). As time goes on, I will learn how to convey the importance of self defense as I have the importance of other things like education, salvation, community involvement, and other quality of life issues.

I'm not being retaliatory in any way, but I think it's important that you know that the reason this happened MAY be that she has ulterior motives, but most likely it's due to a lack of understanding. The years we have together dictates I give her the benefit of the doubt and go with the latter.

The point you made about me resenting her and she fearing me was right on point. I can definitely see that happening if I hadn't taken the advice of many and just talked to her. I figured I shouldn't have to explain and I was wrong to think the defense of my home was my responsibility alone. I will now work to show/reah her that she plays an important role and is needed in this effort.

The reason I put this issue up here is because I have no personal friends who are gun owners. I have one who has a gun, but he has it for novelty, not defense. There is no way any of them could have provided me the guidance I have received here. I think this thread may be beneficial to anyone in my shoes and I thank you for your input, as well.

 

[usaguy2006]

My GF always calls me paranoid.. I always tell her, i may mute the tv when i think i hear a noise out in the living room.. or take a round everynight to make sure the doors are locked along with the window in my daughters room, but i am the last person who will be snuck up on.. Guns seem unnecesary to her as well, but i always bring up the fact that people do kill people.. I have heard many stories even of people i know getting shot in their own homes after an intruder enters unexpectantly....

Stay aware stay alive.. its seems like alot of wives or gf's seem to live in a fantasy world thinking that guns and such are not needed.. my gf acts like it is so unlikely that i will ever need to use a gun.. If you think this way just go to your local news website and read... it can happen and does..

 

[shooter521]

The reason I put this issue up here is because I have no personal friends who are gun owners.

You clearly need to meet and hang out with more INGOers.

 

[SilentWarrior1]

You clearly need to meet and hang out with more INGOers.

This... and hello fellow Camby/Decaturite!

While I don't have twenty years Marriage experience, I think that if you spend any great amount of time with one person, you learn them. My wife and I have been together eight years, and I believe I know her pretty well. Now, that's not to say I know WOMEN. We as men will NEVER figure them all out, because no two women are exactly alike and you can't apply the same lessons learned to every single woman. Once you learn that, or you come to that epiphany... It may not be any easier, but you'll know you'll need to show more patience. This makes things a bit more bearable.

Those here that know me, know I'm pretty blunt. I'm not one of these people who tip-toe around anything. I'm one of those "Get to the point, life's too short" types. I try to use logic and reasoning, while I know emotions have their place, they aren't good in the decision making or mitigation processes. Stop and fix the issue now, you'll feel better about it later.

My wife wasn't too keen on me having, or carrying guns at first. As a Soldier, I felt it necessary to train as often as I could. As an instructor, I wanted to keep my own skills up to better my teaching. As a Civillian, I want to keep my family safe. When I started carrying, she came to me and said, "I won't go anywhere with you if you wear that thing." I knew this was going to be an issue. The "I do's" are already said, so there's no backing out now. I smiled at her and said, "I love you, but you're going to be pretty lonely." That effectively said, "Okay, but that's going to be your choice, not mine." I didn't press the issue, but I made her think about her own choices.

She's came around after a few years of discussion. She has her own lifetime LTCH, and her own Glock 26. She rather I CCW, but I like to OC every once and again.

I think that those who use the "D" word are all about one thing. Control. My best friend, God love him, is going through that right now. He's fairing better than she is however, all because she's an idiot... but I digress.

Glad you got this worked out, Que. Give her time, and give her lots of information. It'd help if she met some female shooters ( and we have quite a few here), and she'll come around. It's still new to her. Good luck, buddy.

 

[misconfig]

Better pack up all those kitchen knives while you're at it - oh don't forget the forks because they might make you fat.

Sorry to hear about the situation; personally I wouldn't have let her "win" the guns would stay where they are.

 

[Que]

You clearly need to meet and hang out with more INGOers.

I agree! We will be at the bike ride this Saturday, though.

 

[Pami]

I agree! We will be at the bike ride this Saturday, though.

I think Lars, Kira and I will be meeting at the ride start-up and then driving to Bub's given that his ankle is being uncooperative.

 

[Que]

I think Lars, Kira and I will be meeting at the ride start-up and then driving to Bub's given that his ankle is being uncooperative.

I think Lethea, Anna, and Abram will do the same thing. I don't think they can make the seven mile ride. I know this will be an issue with my youngest, but maybe they can meet us a half mile away and he can ride the rest of the way to the restaurant. Either way, I definitely want my wife to meet you.

 

[JetGirl]

I think Lethea, Anna, and Abram will do the same thing. I don't think they can make the seven mile ride. I know this will be an issue with my youngest, but maybe they can meet us a half mile away and he can ride the rest of the way to the restaurant. Either way, I definitely want my wife to meet you.

Well, good. Then maybe she can answer the question you kept blowing off.

Seriously, ...I'm not pot-stirring, I just really am interested in how it went from "jumping at the sight" to "it was about money".
I really don't understand it, but I'd like to.

Ok, now Annie has me curious. She really does have a point. She jumps when she sees just ammo (I was seriously freaked out by guns when Lars first started expressing his interest, too, but I never jumped at just ammo)... but it's *just* about the finances?

Perhaps her being willing to go to the range will help with the jumping-at-ammo bit?

 

[Redskinsfan]

How "useful" she is can't be conveyed in a few sentences, but believe me she is in many ways. .

I understand that one cannot put "touchy" subjects on the forum and then get an attitude when the feedback is not quite appreciated, but to suggest someone's wife is not useful can sting a bit, but I don't take offense at what you said.

I think this thread may be beneficial to anyone in my shoes and I thank you for your input, as well.[/quote]

We have never met, but to write what you did above garners my respect. I respect an even tempered man. I make a point to be one myself, but you exceeded my expectations for myself in how you handled the above, which is partially quoted.



There's two thumbs up and a salute for you sir.

Best regards,

Terry

 

[SilentWarrior1]

*bump for edited post*

 

[Que]

Well, good. Then maybe she can answer the question you kept blowing off.

I wasn't blowing it off, but I don't know the answer. But, if I were to guess, maybe it's because she is absolutely ignorant as to how ammunition is fired and when she touched the bag and saw what was inside, her ignorance caused her to be startled. I could probably deduce several guesses, but we both are happy with the outcome, for now, and haven't given much thought to that incident. Also, to your point about the range, hopefully we both will grow from that experience as we have from our initial conversation, minus my dogmatic approach to convey what I know to be true and necessary, which may have been the problem in the first place.

Also, I doubt it would be advantageous for someone to enter the fray and bring up the subject only after initial introductions. I can only hope that will not be done.

 

[Que]

This... and hello fellow Camby/Decaturite!

While I don't have twenty years Marriage experience, I think that if you spend any great amount of time with one person, you learn them. My wife and I have been together eight years, and I believe I know her pretty well. Now, that's not to say I know WOMEN. We as men will NEVER figure them all out, because no two women are exactly alike and you can't apply the same lessons learned to every single woman. Once you learn that, or you come to that epiphany... It may not be any easier, but you'll know you'll need to show more patience. This makes things a bit more bearable.

Those here that know me, know I'm pretty blunt. I'm not one of these people who tip-toe around anything. I'm one of those "Get to the point, life's too short" types. I try to use logic and reasoning, while I know emotions have their place, they aren't good in the decision making or mitigation processes. Stop and fix the issue now, you'll feel better about it later.

My wife wasn't too keen on me having, or carrying guns at first. As a Soldier, I felt it necessary to train as often as I could. As an instructor, I wanted to keep my own skills up to better my teaching. As a Civillian, I want to keep my family safe. When I started carrying, she came to me and said, "I won't go anywhere with you if you wear that thing." I knew this was going to be an issue. The "I do's" are already said, so there's no backing out now. I smiled at her and said, "I love you, but you're going to be pretty lonely." That effectively said, "Okay, but that's going to be your choice, not mine." I didn't press the issue, but I made her think about her own choices.

She's came around after a few years of discussion. She has her own lifetime LTCH, and her own Glock 26. She rather I CCW, but I like to OC every once and again.

I think that those who use the "D" word are all about one thing. Control. My best friend, God love him, is going through that right now. He's fairing better than she is however, all because she's an idiot... but I digress.

Glad you got this worked out, Que. Give her time, and give her lots of information. It'd help if she met some female shooters ( and we have quite a few here), and she'll come around. It's still new to her. Good luck, buddy.

It sounds like we are cut from the same cloth. Thanks for the encouragement. It's good to know you are in the neighborhood/area. Hopefully, we can meet some day.

 

[Tomcat_AL200]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I have had similar dream issues with my GF who is in Pre-Med who to this day gives my grief about carrying the knife I used to prevent a mugging/worse in Chicago in February. I don't mean to seem sexist, but it often seems like women give far too much credence to their dreams. I take it you have already tried to get her hands on to lessen her fears, but it doesn't seem to have helped.

 

[SilentWarrior1]

It sounds like we are cut from the same cloth. Thanks for the encouragement. It's good to know you are in the neighborhood/area. Hopefully, we can meet some day.

Yeah, I believe it's the Army Green kind. I live in Greenwood now, but I went to school at DCHS. I know the Decatur/Camby area well.

 

[Que]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I have had similar dream issues with my GF who is in Pre-Med who to this day gives my grief about carrying the knife I used to prevent a mugging/worse in Chicago in February. I don't mean to seem sexist, but it often seems like women give far too much credence to their dreams. I take it you have already tried to get her hands on to lessen her fears, but it doesn't seem to have helped.

I hadn't tried to date, but tomorrow is our range day. I'm heading to Bradis to pick up her .22 in an hour.

 

[SilentWarrior1]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I have had similar dream issues with my GF who is in Pre-Med who to this day gives my grief about carrying the knife I used to prevent a mugging/worse in Chicago in February. I don't mean to seem sexist, but it often seems like women give far too much credence to their dreams. I take it you have already tried to get her hands on to lessen her fears, but it doesn't seem to have helped.

Women, by and large, are more emotional creatures than men. We (men) tend to be more logical creatures, thus why we don't give our own dreams much mental play.

 

[HICKMAN]

good to hear Que, been there, done that

I have a cash card I slip a little money on each paycheck to play with

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Well, apologies for being out of line. I often am.

As Isaac Asimov once said to a group of friends agreeing that his then-current wife was terrible for him, by removing his shoe and asking of them "Can any of you tell me where this shoe pinches my foot?"

 

[gunman]

it often seems like women give far too much credence to their dreams.

tell that to julius ceasar