I guess that I am one of the lucky ones on this subject! once my wife realized that between me and my 2 sons there was going to be guns around the house she went and joined the NRA, became the Johnson County Director for the Friends of NRA program and got her carry permit! Now I worry about going to the safe and trying to figure out what she has taken this week to carry!
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She finally snatched "them" off!
- Thread starter Que
- Start date
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First, a hearty "yahoo" for resolution on some level. At least you're working through it as partners and not as individual players with separate interests.
I have to agree, FWIW (which isn't much, I know). If she's as smart and capable as you say, and I'm not arguing that she's not, she would have been able to articulate that she was concerned with the financial aspect of the purchases. She probably also would have made a very concerted effort to let you know it was ONLY about the financial side of the picture. That she not only left out the financial side completely, but brought up the ridiculously emotional aspect of gun ownership as well, indicates something else is still unresolved.
I'd be willing to bet she sees the financial picture as a convenient method to achieve part of her goal (making a few assumptions here, but not without some basis for doing so), without all the negatives associated with being the anti-gun wife.
I sincerely hope I'm wrong. But when my husband starts spending money on something we don't need, I don't start complaining about our movie collection getting too large or that we're making too many speed-enhancing modifications to the GT. I tell him we need to cut back on the spending a bit.
Anyway, the big plus is that the lines of communication are re-opened. As long as each is honest with the other, things should get resolved to mutual satisfaction, even if it's not complete satisfaction.
I have to agree, FWIW (which isn't much, I know). If she's as smart and capable as you say, and I'm not arguing that she's not, she would have been able to articulate that she was concerned with the financial aspect of the purchases. She probably also would have made a very concerted effort to let you know it was ONLY about the financial side of the picture. That she not only left out the financial side completely, but brought up the ridiculously emotional aspect of gun ownership as well, indicates something else is still unresolved.
I'd be willing to bet she sees the financial picture as a convenient method to achieve part of her goal (making a few assumptions here, but not without some basis for doing so), without all the negatives associated with being the anti-gun wife.
I sincerely hope I'm wrong. But when my husband starts spending money on something we don't need, I don't start complaining about our movie collection getting too large or that we're making too many speed-enhancing modifications to the GT. I tell him we need to cut back on the spending a bit.
Anyway, the big plus is that the lines of communication are re-opened. As long as each is honest with the other, things should get resolved to mutual satisfaction, even if it's not complete satisfaction.
When I first read this thread and noticed he said they were together for twenty years, menopause was the first thought that went to my head.
E5RANGER375
Shooter
my wife says NO to me wanting to buy a motorcycle. Actualy its a hell no!!! she was in a motorcycle wreck once, and thats why she says the answer is no. it was my dumb mistake, because i should have added a motorcycle to the gun agreement before we got married. my fault. i want an indian or a triumph. she wont even let me buy one to keep in a garage. 
my wife says NO to me wanting to buy a motorcycle. Actualy its a hell no!!! she was in a motorcycle wreck once, and thats why she says the answer is no. it was my dumb mistake, because i should have added a motorcycle to the gun agreement before we got married. my fault. i want an indian or a triumph. she wont even let me buy one to keep in a garage.
IF MY WIFE EVER CAME BETWEEN ME AND MY BIKE, SHE WOULD HAVE TO HIT THE ROAD!
You know, many here have provided great advice, especially to sit her down and talk about this. I certainly can't put 20 years of our experiences on the internet, but I didn't really start "collecting" guns until last year. She, at that point voiced her opinion. My downfall was not conversing at that point, instead I drove on without her consent or knowledge. When she started seeing the deliveries and bank statements, she got ticked.
I will never pretend to understand women or my wife, specifically. However, a wise man told me something a long time ago and every time I stray from that advice, I get bit on the butt. He said, "Whenever a wife has a problem, look at the husband and you will find the cause."
It's my prayer that as I communicate, she will become an enthusiast. BTW, she told me not to buy a motor cycle 15 years ago and I went out and got one the next day. It took a while, but she now rides with me and wants her own. So, I'm looking at a set of HD's for our 20th anniversary in 2011.
Armed Citizen
Sharpshooter
My wife acted the same way when I decided to get my lifetime. She too even used the dream thing on me. She told me not to tell her mother and don't ever let her mother see me carry. I've been married for 14 years to this wonderful woman that I love and would give my life to protect. We have two outstanding boys that mean the world to me. I explained to her that we live in a messed up society of criminals. I had to explain to her that it was not some macho trip I'm on. I'm doing this for us. And to be honest, I really don't care what your mom says, this is my family. So it all started with one pistol, and then it grew to two, and then I went crazy and started buying guns and ammo any chance I could. Now I have what I feel to be a formidable arsenal from .22 pistol to 50 cal. I also have a trench shotgun, a Mossy 500, SKS and an AK47. I have at last count 15,000+ rounds of ammo, and want more (for when the zoombies of 2012 come)
But they are all stored in a locked safe, in my locked "ROOM OF DEATH" (as she likes to call it) Except for the .45 I carry and the .40 cal in my nightstand. She made the comment the other night while laying in bed "I have no doubt that you would shot somebody how broke in our house, your decision will be what gun to blow their head off with"
But they are all stored in a locked safe, in my locked "ROOM OF DEATH" (as she likes to call it) Except for the .45 I carry and the .40 cal in my nightstand. She made the comment the other night while laying in bed "I have no doubt that you would shot somebody how broke in our house, your decision will be what gun to blow their head off with"
Glad to hear that it's not what I heard from a co-worker happened to him.
His wife threw similar fits about all of his guns, knives and his motorcycles. Basically threatened to divorce him and make sure he never saw his kids because of all these "dangerous things".
He sold over 7000$ in guns/knives/ammo/accessories, sold his HD for around 10,000, his custom built for 8,000 and his 4-wheeler for 2500 or so I believe.
When it was all said and done they had about 30k$ + in the bank in addition to their normal funds and she then proceeded to empty the account and have him served with dissolution papers while movers moved everything out of their house while he was at work.
Turns out she had been seeing another man for over a year and they were going to start a new life together. At his expense. Oh, and they moved to Florida or somewhere so he still only gets to see his kids a few times a year.....
His wife threw similar fits about all of his guns, knives and his motorcycles. Basically threatened to divorce him and make sure he never saw his kids because of all these "dangerous things".
He sold over 7000$ in guns/knives/ammo/accessories, sold his HD for around 10,000, his custom built for 8,000 and his 4-wheeler for 2500 or so I believe.
When it was all said and done they had about 30k$ + in the bank in addition to their normal funds and she then proceeded to empty the account and have him served with dissolution papers while movers moved everything out of their house while he was at work.
Turns out she had been seeing another man for over a year and they were going to start a new life together. At his expense. Oh, and they moved to Florida or somewhere so he still only gets to see his kids a few times a year.....
Glad to hear that it's not what I heard from a co-worker happened to him.
His wife threw similar fits about all of his guns, knives and his motorcycles. Basically threatened to divorce him and make sure he never saw his kids because of all these "dangerous things".
He sold over 7000$ in guns/knives/ammo/accessories, sold his HD for around 10,000, his custom built for 8,000 and his 4-wheeler for 2500 or so I believe.
When it was all said and done they had about 30k$ + in the bank in addition to their normal funds and she then proceeded to empty the account and have him served with dissolution papers while movers moved everything out of their house while he was at work.
Turns out she had been seeing another man for over a year and they were going to start a new life together. At his expense. Oh, and they moved to Florida or somewhere so he still only gets to see his kids a few times a year.....
Maybe I should keep the Kel Tec Sub 2000, just in case.
DZ, I will never say never, but we're in a good place right now and that's about all that can be expected when two people are joined together. Who knows, if she enjoys the range, there may be a "Mrs. Que" on the forum.That's not my expectation, but neither was her being willing to go to the range in the first place.
I'm young and have never been married, so I don't have the level of experience to say much here.
I will say that most young women I meet hate guns. My ex hated my guns and her dad is a police officer! I figured out long ago that if they won't tolerate it, then they're not the woman for me. Some of my girlfriends have gone to the range with me (many, actually) and one of them even shot a USPSA match with me.
I'm glad to hear you're "working it out." I highly doubt you're getting anywhere if she thinks the compromise you've made is acceptable, though. It's just a stepping stone to further her agenda, in my opinion.
I'm not saying I wouldn't give up at least some of my guns to keep a woman around, especially one I'd been with for 20 years. But the woman who tells me I can't keep my CCW and competition guns at the house is getting the boot. Life is meaningless without satisfaction, and that includes both the companionship of women AND my shooting sports, to me.
Que,
1. Marriage is a long term campaign. Take yer wins where you can get them and then move on to positioning yourself for a better placement for the next time.
2. Marriage is a long term investment property that requires ungodly amounts of maintenance. At any moment termites, tornadoes, or riots in the street could take it from you, but you cannot base your work on those fears. All you can avoid is that which is in your hands - fighting rot, degeneration, collapse from inside.
3. Marriage can be its own reward, but not at all times. Some times all you can do is stick in there on faith that it will be better again, as a matter of honor that you meant your vows even if there are fears or desires to waiver in them, and as a required tool to raise your children in the most statistically strong way - an intact two parent home.
Stay on your path. Do the work that is yours to do. Have faith that it is yours to make this work with every fiber of your being. Work for the best and do not worry about the worst - you simply do not have the time or luxury to do otherwise.
And if a storm, tornado, or termites arrive, STAY IN THE FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY. It it what you owe your vows, your wife, and your kids. If you are going to lose your family - it had better be dragged from your cold, beaten hands.
Any less than that and you have not done your job as husband and father.
And, seriously, if you have won this round, get your rest, enjoy your family peace, and rest up. You will need it for the next round - whatever form it comes in.
Keep in mind, many others would give all they have for the blessings you are entrusted with,
Techres
1. Marriage is a long term campaign. Take yer wins where you can get them and then move on to positioning yourself for a better placement for the next time.
2. Marriage is a long term investment property that requires ungodly amounts of maintenance. At any moment termites, tornadoes, or riots in the street could take it from you, but you cannot base your work on those fears. All you can avoid is that which is in your hands - fighting rot, degeneration, collapse from inside.
3. Marriage can be its own reward, but not at all times. Some times all you can do is stick in there on faith that it will be better again, as a matter of honor that you meant your vows even if there are fears or desires to waiver in them, and as a required tool to raise your children in the most statistically strong way - an intact two parent home.
Stay on your path. Do the work that is yours to do. Have faith that it is yours to make this work with every fiber of your being. Work for the best and do not worry about the worst - you simply do not have the time or luxury to do otherwise.
And if a storm, tornado, or termites arrive, STAY IN THE FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY. It it what you owe your vows, your wife, and your kids. If you are going to lose your family - it had better be dragged from your cold, beaten hands.
Any less than that and you have not done your job as husband and father.
And, seriously, if you have won this round, get your rest, enjoy your family peace, and rest up. You will need it for the next round - whatever form it comes in.
Keep in mind, many others would give all they have for the blessings you are entrusted with,
Techres
Ok, now Annie has me curious. She really does have a point. She jumps when she sees just ammo (I was seriously freaked out by guns when Lars first started expressing his interest, too, but I never jumped at just ammo)... but it's *just* about the finances?
Perhaps her being willing to go to the range will help with the jumping-at-ammo bit?
theweakerbrother
Grandmaster
I am also glad to read the last post. I have only been married shy of three years so take my advice with a grain of salt... but make sure her bringing this up isn't really the crux of another much larger issue.
I am speaking in stereotypes but some truth can be gleaned from them. Men often need validation from their wives and wives need a sense of security. If neither of you are receiving what your relationship requires, look to see where you can find this. If she doesn't feel safe, she may not feel comfortable.
The hard part can be convincing her that firearms lead to a very safe environment. What's the best defense against someone trying to harm you?
The firearm is a tool, blah blah blah... things you already know and have already explained to her.... good on you for picking her up a .22lr to shoot even if you're motivations are to keep the goods.
I am speaking in stereotypes but some truth can be gleaned from them. Men often need validation from their wives and wives need a sense of security. If neither of you are receiving what your relationship requires, look to see where you can find this. If she doesn't feel safe, she may not feel comfortable.
The hard part can be convincing her that firearms lead to a very safe environment. What's the best defense against someone trying to harm you?
The firearm is a tool, blah blah blah... things you already know and have already explained to her.... good on you for picking her up a .22lr to shoot even if you're motivations are to keep the goods.
Prometheus
Master
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but these things rarely happen in a vacuum.
Is it possible that after 20 years she's "had enough" to give you an ultimatum like that? Sure it is. The dream (if true) can be HUGE in that area. A very vivid dream can seem almost real to people. It can have negative and detrimental on otherwise normal and rational people. Don't discount this.
Having said that... if you didn't say you had a 7 y/o I'd swear you're kids were almost grown and she doesn't "need" a man around so she isn't a single mom so she's going to start pushing and if you leave, so what.
Anyway, I doubt you know the full situation and there is almost definitely something else going on in your wifes (and your) life.
Nothing happens in a vacuum. I'm sorry and I wish you luck.
I made it 100% clear to my wife when we got married certain things would never be tolerated under any circumstances. I included firearms as something that I would continue to buy and own.
We all have to put up with things we don't like, marriage is a compromise... this on the other hand, her taking away your ability to defend yourself and your children? Inexcusable. I'd choose divorce if that was the ultimatum.
-No I haven't read any other post in this thread aside from the first one. If what I've said have been rehashing or already said, so be it.
man sorry to hear about that , but that is one issue i would fight big time with.i WILL NOT get rid of my guns or move them just because my wife wanted me too.you do what you like its your call .i would not waver your protection and hobby because of a dream and accident 20 years ago.
Tom Sawyer
Shooter
- Jul 20, 2010
- 42
- 6
If she can't understand the utility of self-defense then she's not very useful.
Not trying to denigrate your wife, but *******, that's one big steaming pile.
Does she understand that dreams are dreams and that reality is reality?
I don't know, I hope she comes back to her senses for both your sakes.
If not, you'll resent her and she'll grow to fear you.
Not trying to denigrate your wife, but *******, that's one big steaming pile.
Does she understand that dreams are dreams and that reality is reality?
I don't know, I hope she comes back to her senses for both your sakes.
If not, you'll resent her and she'll grow to fear you.
My wife feels the same way, but I did talk her into a "trike", eithermy wife says NO to me wanting to buy a motorcycle. Actualy its a hell no!!! she was in a motorcycle wreck once, and thats why she says the answer is no. it was my dumb mistake, because i should have added a motorcycle to the gun agreement before we got married. my fault. i want an indian or a triumph. she wont even let me buy one to keep in a garage.
a Harley, or a Gold Wing.... Just waiting to get rich .....
my wife says NO to me wanting to buy a motorcycle. Actualy its a hell no!!! she was in a motorcycle wreck once, and thats why she says the answer is no. it was my dumb mistake, because i should have added a motorcycle to the gun agreement before we got married. my fault. i want an indian or a triumph. she wont even let me buy one to keep in a garage.
I find it much easier to ask for forgiveness then permission.
Last edited:
E5RANGER375
Shooter
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