When to call it quits?

[Caleb]

Without going into details, when do you guys call it quits and get a divorce?

 

[halfmileharry]

Not enough intel to dictate a decision.
My standing orders are...."as soon as the Honeymoon is over".
I'm the last to give advice to how to make a marriage work though.
I can tell you all the crapola I pulled to get my divorces started though.

 

[Gabriel]

Without going into details, when do you guys call it quits and get a divorce?

I'll let you know if that ever happens.

 

[04DarkShadowGT]

When neither of you are happy, whats the point of being miserable. You only live once, might as well try and enjoy it.

 

[Magneto]

When the relationship is broken beyond repair. Or when I know I would be happier alone than together.

 

[gunman41mag]

Now if the wife is cheating, stealing money, or doing drugs leave her

 

[Benny]

Without going into details, when do you guys call it quits and get a divorce?

Damn, I really hope that you are asking for advice to give to a friend since you just had a new addition to the family ~a week ago, but if not I'll just say that emotions run high around this time and you shouldn't call it quits just yet.

Without details (assuming the baby IS yours), I suggest you give it more time and see if things calm down.

 

[Drunken Yak inc]

When you're asking questions like this...

It's not an easy road to take, especially with kids, but if you do get a divorce I hope it goes like mine did. We didnt even need lawyers. The ex and I are better friends now then when we were married and I get to see my kids whenever I want. I really couldn't ask for a better result. Well, having more then half of your salary go to the government and the ex is a hard pill to swallow, but the kids having a comfortable life is worth it.

 

[sepe]

When she burns the bacon.

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

Don't get me started. Between going through way too much, and being too hardheaded to quit, drama abounded. Mercifully, death did us part, before further disaster could ensue. Seriously, even if you gave us copious detail, the decision is far too subjective for even close friends to give solid advice. Find some professional assistance, and realize even that may be suspect. I don't envy you, but I understand. I've been there, and probably worse. Good fortune to you; it can all turn out ok.

 

[88GT]

Damn, I really hope that you are asking for advice to give to a friend since you just had a new addition to the family ~a week ago, but if not I'll just say that emotions run high around this time and you shouldn't call it quits just yet.

Without details (assuming the baby IS yours), I suggest you give it more time and see if things calm down.

I must have missed this announcement, but know this: if you call it quits, you're not just walking out on a marriage, you're walking out on your responsibility to your child(ren).

My personal take is this: (and this only applies when children are involved), unless there's physical or mental abuse (though not specifically abuse, a spouse that is just plain poison for all involved is included in this category) or cheating, then the parents need to be the adults they are and put their children first. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but divorce for any other reason is pure selfishness.

Of course, I've been on the receiving end of the "I want out" discussion, and it was about 2 weeks after #2 was born. I might be a little biased.

As long as you consider it an option, you will sabotage any attempt to salvage what you have. Keep that in mind.

 

[Scutter01]

I ask this rhetorically because I don't want you to answer it, I just want you to consider the question: Where did you take your marriage oath and what's that oath worth to you?

 

[revsaxon]

My parents called it quits after 5 years of being separated and realizing they were happier that way.

I called it quits after a year of being yelled at 24x7 for everything from not making enough money to oprah being a re-run.

My feeling on it is when you wake up and realize you hate the person your married to, thats time to get out. Until then no problem cant be overcome.

 

[G_Stines]

I must have missed this announcement, but know this: if you call it quits, you're not just walking out on a marriage, you're walking out on your responsibility to your child(ren).

My personal take is this: (and this only applies when children are involved), unless there's physical or mental abuse (though not specifically abuse, a spouse that is just plain poison for all involved is included in this category) or cheating, then the parents need to be the adults they are and put their children first. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but divorce for any other reason is pure selfishness.

Of course, I've been on the receiving end of the "I want out" discussion, and it was about 2 weeks after #2 was born. I might be a little biased.

As long as you consider it an option, you will sabotage any attempt to salvage what you have. Keep that in mind.

My parent's thought it would be best to stay together, so they did that. Unfortunately, they couldn't even remain civil. It was non stop yelling if they were within 8 feet of each other everyday. When I was 16, I asked them to please get a divorce. Seeing both of them unhappy all the time was far worse than seeing one or the other sometimes and seeing them both happy. OP, its a case by case call. Emotions do run high right after the addition to families, so wait it out for a while. See what life has in store. Everything will work out when it should and no one but you can tell you when or whether it is right for you to go down the divorce road. I encourage you to explore all options. Marriage is kinda like buying a gun and engraving your name on it.. You got that one for a particular reason, you wanted it, you were willing to claim it as a part of your life forever.. It may not be as perfect as you once thought it was, but that doesn't make it bad. There are certain reasons to sell it off, but that should only be done after every opportunity to fix it has been exhausted. My two cents.. what do I know.. I'm just a kid..

 

[Hoosierdood]

I ask this rhetorically because I don't want you to answer it, I just want you to consider the question: Where did you take your marriage oath and what's that oath worth to you?

^^^THIS^^^

"For better, for worse... till death do us part" really sums it up. Personally, divorce is not an option for me...ever. My vows are important to me. You asked, that's my answer.

 

[Scutter01]

You asked, that's my answer.

I also specifically said it was rhetorical.

 

[88GT]

I must have missed this announcement, but know this: if you call it quits, you're not just walking out on a marriage, you're walking out on your responsibility to your child(ren).

My personal take is this: (and this only applies when children are involved), unless there's physical or mental abuse (though not specifically abuse, a spouse that is just plain poison for all involved is included in this category) or cheating, then the parents need to be the adults they are and put their children first. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but divorce for any other reason is pure selfishness.

Of course, I've been on the receiving end of the "I want out" discussion, and it was about 2 weeks after #2 was born. I might be a little biased.

As long as you consider it an option, you will sabotage any attempt to salvage what you have. Keep that in mind.

My parent's thought it would be best to stay together, so they did that. Unfortunately, they couldn't even remain civil. It was non stop yelling if they were within 8 feet of each other everyday. When I was 16, I asked them to please get a divorce. Seeing both of them unhappy all the time was far worse than seeing one or the other sometimes and seeing them both happy. .

Please see the bolded in my response. I am not swayed, particularly not by the juvenile behavior of people who claim to be adults.

 

[BDBHoover]

When your will to want to work things out outweighs your happiness together but keep in mind it's always cheaper to keep her

 

[RockofStrength]

Divorce is never an option. It may be permitted in the event of infidelity, but to me it is never an option. Love is given unconditionally, and my oath of marriage the same.

 

[hoosierdoc]

I think this question only gets asked to a thousand anonymous people when you're at an emotional low and probably got there pretty fast. A reasoned consideration would lead you to seek the counsel of a pastor or close friend, not a bunch of people who shoot lead through paper zombies.

That being said, I would never be the one to call it quits. I would wait for the other party to prove they are no longer interested in the relationship, counseling, church, etc... This is more than just being avoidant, it's unrepentent actions that continue to harm the relationship. At that point the discussion should happen but I still don't think I could ever suggest or pursue a divorce unless there's physical violence, relapsing drug abuse, or any other dangerous situation for the kids.

When you see couples married for 65 years, ask them if they ever thought of divorce or how they got through a rough patch. It's not all champagne and roses.